Seduced by the Gladiator(66)

“Tell you what?” His hand splayed flat over my belly. I was loath to disturb the moment, but I wanted to know.

Needed to know.

“Who is Hilaria to you, Christus?” I had fought through the jealousy, feeling nothing but pity for the woman if she was the consort of Gaius.

Around me Christus tensed. He remained that way for a long moment, and I heard his teeth grind together. Finally, finally he spoke, and his voice was as heavy as if he carried the entire world on his shoulders.

“This is something that you may not know, for our dominus is not of this type.” He paused, drew in a breath, then paused again. Finally forcing the words out, he spoke in a rush.

“Lucius Quintus Manius was a very different kind of dominus. His thought was always of the money, never the well-being of others besides himself, no matter his responsibilities as pater familias.”

I waited, silent, not wanting to interrupt his story.

“When I was in his ludus, Lucius had a wife—not Miriama, daughter of Baldurus. His first wife. Her name was Alba, and she was a—well, I am not certain that ‘friend’ is the right word to use. She was a favored companion of Hilaria, the woman that you saw with Gaius this evening, though I do not know if Hilaria was a favorite of hers as well. Knowing Hilaria’s temperament, I would assume likely not.”

His fingers dug into the flesh of my belly, then relaxed.

“Hilaria liked to be in the company of gladiators. They excited her . . . excited her sexually. Many patrician women feel the same way, but Hilaria’s desires seemed to stem from something less pure than simple boredom. She was a widow, and there were rumors of abuse from her husband when he had been alive. Regardless, we all sensed something . . . twisted . . . inside of her, whenever she was near.”

“It is all right.” I covered his hand with my own, squeezed lightly once. “You do not have to go on.”

“Perhaps it is best that I do.” His words sounded heavy. “I have carried the shame for a long time.”

“I will listen.” What else could I do?

“Alba, our domina, had become involved with two of my brothers. Hilaria had an uncanny sense for discovering things that others did not want her to know, and what Alba had, Hilaria wanted. The dominus would not give her Marcus or Caius, for Marcus was the champion of Rome at the time, and Caius was the next in ranking.”

Marcus. Caius. I remembered them. I had never met either in the arena, but I had fought another the day that Marcus had defeated the outgoing champion.

They were both as handsome as gods, both strong and fierce. I could see how both Alba and Hilaria had desired them.

“Hilaria would not be deterred, would not be told that she could not have what she wanted. Her husband had left her with a small fortune, more denarii than could be spent in two lifetimes. She offered Lucius an obscene amount of denarii for either Caius or Marcus, just for the privilege of lying with them.”

“He still would not allow her to lie with either of my brothers, but he offered her a compromise. She could pay for the pleasure of another of his men, whichever one she wanted.”

“She chose you.” My heart ached for him. Of all the things for us to have in common, unwanted sexual contact was not anything good.

“Some say that a man cannot be raped. I do not agree. She seduced me against my will. My body responded, though I did not want it to. She made me do things to her that I would never do to any woman at all.”

“I am so sorry, Christus.” I understood, better than I wished anyone ever had to.

“After, several of the brothers in the ludus teased me. Many of them would have been happy to be chosen to lie with a noble woman. They would have reveled in the things that she made me do. But I was still grieving over my wife, my child. I felt abused, felt sick over what I had done.” His voice shook, and I felt rage build inside me, rage against the spoiled, possibly mad Hilaria.

“Because the men did not understand, I could not share how I felt. I would have been mocked, would have been seen as weak. I might even have been made a target by some of the men who preferred cock to cunt.” Bitterness colored his words. “You cannot court weakness and expect to survive in a ludus. As a woman among men, you know this only too well.”

“I do.” I thought back to when I had first come to the ludus, of the helplessness that I had felt when cornered by Bavarius and his men. I remembered Bavarius’ taunting words about Christus . . .

I have heard that he enjoys a good fuck.

He had been helpless against Hilaria, just as I had been helpless against Bavarius. Just as we were both now helpless against Gaius.

But . . . thoughts began to swirl through my mind. Were we truly as helpless as we thought? As Christus had demonstrated when he stood up to Hilaria earlier that night, we were in a position of power, of sorts.