Seduced by Innocencey(43)

Our mother walked in at that moment, her eyes full of grief since my brother came home this way. She kissed us both on the head, then leaned in to kiss Dean. "All of my children, finally together. This isn't how I imagined it."

I stood and offered her my seat.

"No, I'm not staying. I just wanted to see how my poor boy was doing. Have there been any changes? Any sign he's heard you?"

Dean lay on the bed, eyes open but face void of any thought or presence. He could have been a mannequin, for all the life that existed in his eyes.

I resisted the urge to shake him, to beg him to wake up. This nightmare had to end soon. "Have the doctors come up with anything?"

Mom shook her head. "No, nothing. But I'll let you know the moment they do. Have you heard from Rose?"

Leave it to my mother to still be concerned about my love life despite everything going on. "Just now. She's hurting."

"I can imagine. Give her our love and tell her we look forward to meeting her when she's ready. I've never seen you so happy, so hopeful, as you've been since you started seeing her. Anyone that can bring the spark back in my son's eyes is a keeper."

"Thanks, Mom." I hugged her, then turned to hug Tammy. "I've got to go email her back. I'll see you in a bit?"

They nodded as Mom sat next to Tammy, and I slipped out and locked myself in my room.

I couldn't wait until that night, I needed to talk to her sooner. Phone in hand, I listened to it ring and willed her to pick up.

When I heard her voice, I almost thought it was her voicemail, but I had that memorized and this wasn't it. "Rose?"

"Hi, Derek. How are you?"

"Missing you. Can I see you soon? You don't have to go through this alone, you know."

Was that a sob I heard? I couldn't tell with the crappy cell phone reception she got in the country.

"I'm okay, but it's a bit crazy here right now. My family is dealing with some other stuff and until I get that sorted out, I'm afraid it'll be hard to get together."

My heart dropped. Was she breaking up with me? "How long?"

"Just a few more days, I think. Then we can go out, and I'll explain everything, I promise. Derek, there are things about me that might be hard for you to accept, and if you can't, that's okay. I'd never hurt you on purpose and I just want… " Definitely a sob. "I just want you to be happy."

"Rose, what are you talking about? There's nothing you can tell me that would make me love you any less."

A pause.

A long pause.

Because I'd just used the "L" word, entirely by accident. But I meant it, so I didn't take it back. I just wished I could have said it to her face, first.

"Love?"

"Yes, Rose. I love you. You have no idea how hard it is to not say something like that, when every time we talk, every time I look at you, my heart is screaming it." I held my breath and waited to see what she'd do.

More sobs. "Oh, God, Derek. I love you, too. I do. But you don't know the real me, and when you do, I fear you'll change your mind about this. But I love you, just know that. And even when you hate me, I'll still love you. I have to go now, but I just wanted to thank you for giving me the most magical week of my life. I'll never forget it."

She hung up, and I stared at my phone, unsure of what to think or feel. She loved me back, so that should have made me happy, and it did. But why did she think I would hate her? What could she possibly tell me that would be so horrible?

And what would she think of me, when she learned my secrets?





TWENTY THREE





Never to Return





ROSE





Ready to go but never to return.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet





Dear Diary,



He used the word that exploded my world into a million shiny threads of color and light. But how can he love a woman he doesn't really know?



We think we see the truth of life, but the real truth slithers under layers of foliage, unseen and unknown, waiting to strike like a snake dripping with venom.



If we had the power to rewrite our histories, what stories would we tell? Would I have chosen to forgo paradise to save Sandy's life, only to leave her stuck in her own sorrow? Does the fact that her last days were filled with joy give more meaning to her death, somehow?



And what would she think of all this, if she could think at all?



Today we go to war, and with war there are always casualties. I've already forfeited my soul for this battle, and it hasn't even begun. What of me will be left to love when this is over?



Will Derek even see the same woman when he looks into my eyes?



Somewhere, hidden in the secret folds of the universe, there must be a different path I can choose. But those secrets have yet to be revealed to me.