I forced myself to frown and focused my eyes on my lap. "You're right. I'm never going to be able to keep this a secret!"
"You don't have to, you know. As I believe I mentioned before, you're an adult. You're allowed to date anyone you want." Ocean stuck her tongue out at me and I giggled, then covered my mouth.
Grandma Florence caught my eyes and smiled at me with a mouth full of dentures. I blushed, sure that she could read my mind and tell all my secrets. What would Grams think of what I was doing? Part of me wanted to confide in her, to have an ally other than my impetuous best friend, but if she didn't approve and she told Mother, I'd be busted.
Despite Ocean's assurance that I could do what I wanted, I still had to deal with Mother's outbursts, and my whole world revolved around this coven; without them I had nothing. No one. The risk of exposure was too great to bring anyone else in on my secret.
Time to focus back on the meeting, if I could get my head out of the clouds.
The room smelled of old things and stories long forgotten. Each member of our coven had left their mark in this well-used room over the years, and the collective energy settled into the wooden floors that creaked and the soft couches and cushions that didn't.
The room, though large, couldn't grow to meet the demands of our ever-growing coven, and large pillows had been added to accommodate comfortable seating on the floor, giving the whole affair the look of a confused sleepover.
Amber Carlisle, a talented witch of earth magic, held tightly to Lauren's, her wife's, hand as she voiced concerns about taking on the Druids. "We're not as strong as you'd like for us to be, Rainbow. Going up against them like this could be dangerous, even deadly. Have you considered the risk to our coven? To our children?"
Aside from my sister, who was nearly an adult, there was only one child left in our group, a darling three-year-old, Mist. Karen and Darren Kurtis had joined us a few years ago and brought their healing skills and their adorable daughter with them. Any of us would have done anything to keep that little girl safe.
At that moment, Mist popped her head up off her mother's shoulder and looked at all the solemn faces in the room, then laid back down and fell asleep.
It would be nice to live once again with the innocence of a child, to not have to face adult decisions and adult consequences. Children couldn't appreciate the gift of that life until they'd grown past the point of enjoying it. That hardly seemed fair, but then, life was rarely fair in the fates it chose to hand out.
Everyone had come to this last minute meeting, so the main house living room was packed. Ocean and I had scored prime spots on a love seat, so at least we could whisper without anyone else being too close to hear.
Nick, a single gay man with tremendous talent in acting and singing, sat in the chair nearest us and every once in a while glanced over and winked at our giggling. Richard and Elizabeth sat nearest Mother, as her right hand helpers. Half the time she yelled at them to divorce and make themselves happier, the other half she worked them hard on the kennel business. They seemed happy enough to me, but we weren't close.
Wolf Song and Wildflower, the artists in our group, sat on the floor wrapped in each other's arms and paying close attention to Mother.
My father, Rain, had slipped off to check on the kennel dogs and the new pups Sandy had recently given birth to. They'd been pretty upset since the wolf incident. I could relate to that.
Blake sat across the room, next to my sister, and spent far too much time staring at me for my comfort. His attentions had escalated recently and it made it harder to be sneaky. It also creeped me out a bit, the way he just stared at me and followed me. Perhaps I was being hard on him. We used to be pretty good friends, until he started crushing on me. He had always been faithful to our coven and worked hard to take care of our property. Plus, he was definitely easy on the eyes. Still, I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable by his interest in me, especially now that I knew what it felt like to reciprocate that kind of attraction.
Being surrounded by family, my blood family and coven family, made me feel complete and a part of something bigger than myself. We weren't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but who was? Humans would be humans no matter where I went; at least here I had a solid foundation of love and support with people who understood me. I feared losing that more than anything else, which made this date with Derek all the more risky.
A blend of regret and fear and desire warred inside me. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't risk losing this. "Ocean, I can't go through with it. I'm going to call and cancel on him as soon as we're done here."
She turned her fierce eyes on me and shook her head. "You're going if I have to drag you there myself tied up and gagged."