Thinking against it, she put the box down and washed her hands. “Whatever,” she sighed.
Drying her hands and walking towards the bathroom exit, she couldn’t make herself leave. Seconds later, she backtracked to the box, opened it, and stared at the little colorful device. “All you have to do is pee on it,” she convinced herself. “And nothing bad will happen. It will just confirm what you already know.”
Taking a deep breath, she walked to the toilet and took the cap off the tip of the tester. Nonchalantly, she sat down and held it in her stream of urine, waiting the good long seconds before removing it. She waited in horror as the soaked tip traveled through to the middle of the tester, praying silently that there would be a single negative line. Who knew pregnancy tests took this long?
When the negative line began to form, she drew a sigh of relief. Just as she was about to breathe again, another little line finished the tiny symbol. It was positive. She stared in horror.
There was a chance of it being false. She had heard of it happening before. So she dove for the second test and went the last remaining drops on it. She waited; sweat beading her brow for those last few seconds.
Never had time seemed to slow down as quickly as it did now. The seconds turned into minutes and hours until her heart began to race in her chest. If this test proved positive, her entire world would change. What was she going to tell Charles? What if he didn’t want to have a baby just yet? How would she fit in her wedding dress with a baby bump? His mother…oh God his mother. She would say “I told you so” and look upon her as a disgrace to the family. Not that it would make much of a difference seeing as she already did.
Someone knocked on the door. “You okay in there?” It was Charles who must’ve come back to bed while she was in there. “Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine,” she croaked, while wrapping up the soiled pregnancy tests in toilet paper. She tossed them in the waste bin next to her. They would look like tampons for now until she figured out how to tell him.
She stared into the distance at nothing in particular as she washed her hands. She flushed the toilet in hopes that he wouldn’t ask about how long she had taken in there. “Everything will be okay,” she coaxed herself in the mirror, smoothing out her hair.
Joining her fiancé in bed, he reached an arm around her waist. His hand fell on her womb and she tensed. It felt weird having him touch her there.
“Are you sleeping in here all night?”
“I can if you want,” he said, while nuzzling the back of her neck. He liked to spoon. It was his favorite position to sleep in at night.
“What about your dreams at night?”
“I’m working on it. My therapist told me it’d be better to work through them together with you. So I’m willing to try if you don’t mind.”
Great, she thought. The one night she wanted to sleep alone he had to be all loving and devoted. But she didn’t tell him that. Instead, she encouraged him, knowing that if she didn’t she would feel bad for it later. “I think you should,” she stroked his hand. “We need to get through this together.”
She would figure out what to do tomorrow.
Chapter14
The next few days were followed by a hideous case of morning sickness. Amber tried to hide it best she could, but pretty soon Sasha and Melanie caught on. When Sasha discovered her pregnancy tests gone, she confronted Amber during a walk down the beach front.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” she demanded.
“Not in particular,” was all she replied. Her body was exhausted with lack of sleep, mostly from the pregnancy, but also since Charles would moan in his sleep. At least he was getting better. The dreams were becoming further apart and less frequent.
She hadn’t wanted to have sex with him in the last few days which she could tell was putting him on edge. He wouldn’t leave her alone, asking if she was okay. Every night it would be the same answer. Yes, she was fine.
Ruffling in her bag, Sasha produced a can of beer. “Good,” she said while popping the lid open. “’Cause I brought you a drink. Figured it was a beautiful hot day and we could use it.”
Amber blinked; staring at the drink offered her. It was over. She had just lost the game over a fucking can of beer. She couldn’t drink it. So she just stared at Sasha, the fear seeping through her eyes as she gave up on keeping it a secret. “I can’t,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. It felt hard to breathe with the lump rising.
She didn’t mean to cry but all of the emotions she kept buried were coming to the surface. She could no longer hold them in. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “What do I do? I feel so lost right now.”