The words coming out of his lips were almost too perfect.
Suddenly guilt washed over her. She was being so selfish these last couple of weeks. He was the one who needed her and she was too wrapped up in how she felt all the time.
He touched on the subject weighing in her mind. “I’m sorry about our nights together. Sometimes my symptoms flare up and I need time to get over them. I’ve killed a lot of people,” he shamefacedly admitted. His tone was grave as he stared away from her. His body shook with softened tremors. “Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I’ve watched my friends die in front of me, blown to bits that could not be put back together.”
She felt horrible at the revelation. He never spoke about it until now. He was hurting more than she was during those sleepless nights, and she didn’t even stop to think about what exactly he might’ve been through. All she could notice was he had nightmares, which everyone had from time to time. It seemed like no big deal. He would get over it.
“I’m sorry.” It was all she could manage to say. For days now she drowned in her own hurt, upset that he wouldn’t bother to try and mend things. But Sasha was right. She needed to try and understand him. Instead of giving him a hard time about things, she should’ve been the one to help him.
He was obviously perplexed by her apology. “What are you apologizing for?” he asked. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Yes I have,” she rubbed the side of her face. “I haven’t been there for you when you’ve needed me. I haven’t even tried to understand why you’ve left me alone in our bed. I’ve only thought about me and how I feel with everything going on, and that’s not right.”
“No, no, no. It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself for feeling like that.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Then get over it,” he smiled. “I’m sending you away and that’s that. I’ve been going to therapy for sleeping at night ever since that other night… which is part of the reason why I’m gone a lot. My therapist is here in New York. Of course, I’m here on business too.” He threw in the last bit to reassure her that he was trying.
Amber now had a wedding to plan. She wasn’t going to approach the subject with him any further, seeing as he had made up his mind on the route they would take.
Sasha and Melanie would probably be reluctant to go with her since they had jobs, but she was sure she could convince them to if everything was paid for. She needed them to help her plan the wedding of her dreams. These next few weeks would be the most important of her life. But she wasn’t prepared for what happened next…
Chapter13
Crystal clear skies and brilliant sunshine made the day exquisite to behold. Not a blemish in the heavens rained down upon the three girls who sat sunbathing. Their large beach blanket lay bountiful with a cooler and several alcoholic beverages.
Amber thumbed through a bridal magazine. The date was inching closer. Pretty soon she would wake up and find herself all dressed in white walking down the aisle.
Sasha looked at the pretty blush bride on the cover of another magazine. “So have you thought of what dress you want yet?” She posed the question aimed for Amber.
Melanie answered it abruptly with a smirk on her face. “She can’t wear white. We all know she’s no virgin.”
All the girls giggled except for Amber who gave her a look of contempt. “Shut up. I’m still a virgin.”
“Pfft girl, you haven’t been one for a damn long time.” Sasha said, joining in on the prattle while popping open a Raspberrita.
She sipped the chill purple drink, and then put the cold can to her neck. “We need a freakin’ umbrella,” she complained. “It’s too damn hot.”
“Stop being a little baby or go inside. The house is right there,” Melanie retorted while pulling a cold bag of cucumber slices out of the cooler. She reclined on her rolled up towel and placed them delicately on her eyes pre-Madonna style.
“Damn it. I almost ate those.” Sasha snipped.
“Oh, do shut up.”
There was a moment of silence where the breeze washed over the girl’s faces. Then a new subject arose out of the blue.
Of course, Melanie was the one to bring it up. “So, does your man have any single brothers?”
“No,” Amber said, turning to lie on her stomach. “Just a sister.”
She twirled her red hair between delicate fingers. “Just make sure our bridesmaid’s dresses are sexy. I need to look good.” Her vanity was definitely something she wasn’t ashamed of.