“I’m sorry.” He walked towards her, closing the distance between them.
She hunched within herself into the deepened chasms of her heart. Could she turn off the stinging hurt, or numb the ache of desire she so desperately tried to bury?
He continued. “I should’ve been honest with you from the beginning but I’d like to start doing that now.” He looked for her approval, reading her body language for a sign that he was allowed to pursue it further.
She didn’t say anything. She found herself rubbing her arm uncomfortably, waiting for him to keep talking. She wanted him to apologize. She wanted him to make everything alright. But the fact that he was married didn’t seem to promise a whole lot between the two. If anything, he shouldn’t even be talking to her right now, let alone bringing her flowers. She knew he had set them by her door.
He took a heavy breath and then exhaled before bringing everything to bear. “I’m sorry for everything, Amber. When I met you, I couldn’t help but notice how attractive you are. You’re god damn gorgeous. I know it may seem shallow, but now that I’ve spent time with you, I can’t help but see the beautiful person you are inside. I’ve hurt you, taken advantage of you and lied to you. All three of those are inexcusable.” He shifted nervously, pulling the will within himself to get what he needed to say out. “I didn’t tell you that I am married because I figured it wouldn’t make a difference.”
Amber started to cut in when he held his hand up. “Please.” He requested. “Let me finish everything before you say anything. If you don’t like what I have to say, then I will leave and let you be.”
“A couple years ago I was diagnosed with lung disease. They told me there was a chance for a lung transplant but seeing as I have O blood type, the odds of me getting one are close to none. I’ve been living with the fact that I am dying for a while now, and I’ve come to terms with it.” His eyes glazed over with raw emotion, his throat running dry. He coughed momentarily before looking up.
She could see how weak he truly was now beneath the façade he displayed. Her heart sank at the news as she bit her lip to keep it from quivering. “There’s still is a chance. Any day my phone could go off.” He gruffly informed her. “And it could be a call from the hospital saying they have organs for me. But unless that day comes, I need to live my life out in full as if every day were my last. I’m living on borrowed time here. Because the rest of my body is so healthy, I’m progressing rather slowly. But sooner or later, I won’t be able to do the things that I want to.” His fists curled tightly as he fought the will to let her see his frailty in full. It was an uncomfortable thing for him to open up like that but she could see that he needed to do this as much as she needed to hear it.
“Go on.” She encouraged, her heart almost aching doubly now at the prospects of losing him to such a battle.
He smiled now, happy that she at least accepted some of the words he so carefully let out.
“I got married way too young.” He confessed, almost hanging his head in shame. “My wife, don’t get me wrong, is beautiful and caring. But there isn’t anything left between us except for the wealth that glues us together. We have been hovering over a divorce for some time now but she hasn’t fully accepted this fact. She can’t let go. I haven’t forced anything because I didn’t want to hurt her. But ever since I’ve met you, I can’t help but wish I had gone about everything different.”
He proceeded to explain his history in a thoroughly strategic manner. “When we got married we were new money at the time. I had inherited my company from my uncle who passed away, leaving me billions of pounds in assets and inheritance. I figured I was in love and wanted to take care of Liv, so we got married and rushed into it too fast. I wish we hadn’t.” He sighed, gesturing his palms up helplessly. “I’ve had to live with all of my decisions whether good or bad.”
Everything flooding towards her at once was overwhelming. Figuring it would be better to fully talk somewhere else, she gestured towards the door. “Come inside,” she invited. “We can talk over a cup of tea.” Her smile was evident that she was accepting him despite the obvious flaws to his nature.
They went inside and she prepared the tea. He shifted uncomfortably on the couch as she brought the steaming cups to the small familiar coffee table.
“Did you just do that?” He pointed to the painting she had been laboring over earlier.