Snow’s face fell and he shook his head. “No, it gives you reason to move closer to her, not further away. I do have more awareness and control in the presence of the females. You are right. I know what Lilah means to Javier, and what Sera means to you, and I have no desire to hurt those I love. Not again.”
Antoine slid his hand to the nape of Snow’s neck and firmly held it. “I know. It is the strength of your emotions that gives you some control over the bloodlust. In time, we will wean you off your blood addiction and you will be well again. We will find a way to satisfy it and keep it under control. You seem well tonight and I am glad.”
“I fed on waking, the same smaller quantity that I have been taking for the past few days now, and it seems to be working. The bloodlust has deemed me worthy of some time as a sane person.”
It was said so lightly but Antoine could sense his brother’s pain and the underlying fear. He knew in his heart that Snow didn’t want to die, just as he didn’t want to live cooped up in his room, shut away from the world. He did such things because he was afraid that the darkness would seize him and he would end up hurting those he loved again. Antoine couldn’t imagine what his brother felt as he sat alone in his room, unable to be with those he cared about because he might lose control, living each night with the past hanging over his head.
“Antoine.” There was a note of caution in Snow’s tone that drew a frown from Antoine. Snow glanced away and sighed. “Sera is good for you. Never forget that.”
He didn’t intend to, but why was Snow so insistent on him remembering that Sera was worthy of his affection and devotion.
“Snow?” Antoine’s frown intensified. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Snow closed his eyes. “Anya came to the theatre.”
Antoine sat bolt upright. “What? When?”
He blinked rapidly, unsure whether he truly wanted the answers to those questions. He hadn’t seen Anya in centuries. He had forgotten so much about her. He couldn’t recall the colour of her eyes, or her face, or the smell of her. His mind and his heart were full of Sera now. Sera’s beautiful smile as she made him laugh, her forest green eyes as they twinkled at him after they had made love, and the way her ash blonde hair smelt as he slept close to her, snuggled up against her back with his arms tightly wrapped around her.
Snow slowly opened his eyes and fixed him with a hard look. “Keep hold of those feelings, Antoine. Do not be deceived again. Sera is good for you. I can feel it in you. You are a different person now. You are happier than I have ever seen you.”
“When, Snow?”
“She came to the performance that you missed to be with Sera. I am glad you were not there. Anya does not deserve to see you again... remember that. She is not worthy of you.”
Antoine appreciated his brother’s support but he was talking about Anya, the woman he had spent a century with, and had searched for after that.
After she had left him and filled his mind with a need to find her, a need that had made him blind to what Snow had been going through.
“I did not want to tell you,” Snow said and Antoine nodded, understanding why his brother had wanted to keep this from him.
Snow liked Sera, and so did Antoine. All these years, he had thought that when he found Anya again, he would want to rush out and see her, would want to be with her regardless of what was happening in his life at the time.
He felt none of those desires as he sat beside his brother, trying to take in the fact that Anya was back. Snow was right. Sera was good for him, and she was better than Anya. She was everything he needed now, and forever. He was glad that Snow had gone against his instincts and told him that Anya was in the city. It unnerved Antoine that she was so nearby and that she had come to the theatre, but at least he could prepare himself in case she returned. Did she know it was his theatre?
Anya had always moved in the highest circles of society. Everyone knew who the owners of Vampirerotique were. Was it just coincidence that she had attended a performance then or had she come looking for him?
Antoine didn’t care either way.
It was too late for her to come crawling back to him. He had finally moved on and would allow nothing to jeopardise what he had with Sera. His feelings for her were so much deeper than his for Anya had ever been. If Sera left him, he wouldn’t go searching for her.
He would die.
What if he saw Anya though? He didn’t feel a desire to rush out and find her, but what if she came to his theatre and approached him? He felt sure that his feelings for her were long dead, but a fragment of his heart was still uncertain. He wasn’t sure how he would react if he saw her again.