Seduce(52)

“You feel everything so keenly.” Snow propped himself up on his right elbow. “Sometimes your feelings cannot be trusted though, Antoine.”

“What do you mean?” He frowned and looked across his shoulder at his brother.

Snow sighed and combed his fingers through his white hair, preening it back from his face. His pale eyes were like clear winter skies, no spot of cloud marring them. Antoine’s own eyes held pale flakes like snow and he had always thought his brother deserved them more than he did. They would have suited him. A vampire liked mystery and it was something Snow had never lacked. No one ever believed them when they said that his parents had named him Snow. They had, but not in English.

“You know what I mean.” Snow leaned back again, arranging himself against his black pillows. “She is not Anya.”

Didn’t he know it? Sera tied him in more knots than Anya had ever managed. He wasn’t sure whether he was coming or going where she was concerned. When he was with her, everything felt right and good, incredible, and he could even go as far as to say that he was happy for the first time in many long years. He had never felt so alive, so content, as he did when he was in her arms, and he had never felt so connected to anyone. When he was away from her though, the doubts began to creep in, the voices of his past whispering dark things to him, warnings about what could happen if he accepted Sera into his life and his heart.

“Do you think she loves you?” Snow said and Antoine frowned.

“I am not sure... not yet... I don’t think so. Maybe she would in time.”

Snow sighed again. “Good... I want you to have another chance at love. One of us deserves something good in our lives, and out of both of us, it should be you. You deserve it.”

Antoine hated the note of resignation that lined the edge of his brother’s voice. He was thinking about his death again, always seeking the easy way out. Antoine wouldn’t let that happen. He would help him defeat his bloodlust and would see him happy before he did anything about pursuing his own happiness.

He touched his brother’s hand and Snow met his gaze. “We both deserve someone who will love us for who we are and will not leave us, but it is not something I am looking for at this moment. I will not let anything stand between us, do you understand?”

Snow laughed mirthlessly. “I understand. You intend to make me keep that wretched promise. I grow tired of this hollow life, Brother... one day you will have to let me go.”

Antoine squeezed his hand, his throat constricting even as anger seeped into his veins. “Never. Do you hear me, Snow? I will never let you go. I will help you defeat your bloodlust or I will die trying with you.”

Snow closed his eyes and frowned. “I do not deserve such a sacrifice. I have seen the way you watch Javier with Lilah, and even Callum when he speaks with Kristina on his phone. I know you long for something good, warm and female in your life. Sera can be that woman for you. She can help heal your past and give you a future.”

“Without you... that’s what you are saying, is it not?” Antoine snapped and Snow’s frown hardened. Antoine grabbed his brother’s shoulders and shook him, intent on forcing him to open his eyes and look at him. He wanted to see the answer in his brother’s eyes. They opened and met his, the terrible longing for death shining in them. “I will not let that happen, so get it out of your damn stubborn mind!”

Snow smiled, a bare tilting of the corners of his lips. “A man can hope. It has been centuries, Antoine, and I am not getting better.”

“You are. You say I am too lost in my own pity to see when I am on to a good thing, that I want to cast aside all hope of finding someone who truly loves me and who will remain at my side forever... you are lost too, Brother. You are so convinced that your bloodlust is unbeatable that you do not see the progress you have made.” Antoine loosened his grip on Snow’s shoulders and raised one hand to his cheek, keeping his brother’s attention on him so he could see the honesty in his eyes as well as feel the truth in his blood. “You brought yourself back the other night. Lilah soothed you and you did not wish to hurt Sera. You care about them and that stopped you from hurting them. I had the same sort of experience. I bit Sera and I found I could control myself. I stopped myself because I care about her and I did not want to hurt her.”

Snow’s smile widened. “So you admit that you do care about her?”

Antoine sighed and nodded. He should have known Snow would be able to draw the truth out of him one way or another.

“I do. Deeply. But that only gives me more reason to keep my distance.”