Seduce(31)

“You would have. It isn’t your fault that he kept it secret from you.”

“It is, Sera. I should have been there for him.” He was sure that if he had been there for Snow, had continued to speak to him about his bloodlust and ensure that he was doing well that he could have averted the disaster that had befallen them. He should have been there for his beloved brother and it haunted him, filled his mind with images of how different things might have been.

“You can’t spend your whole life focused on your brother’s needs and his needs alone. He has a sickness, a disease, and that isn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”

“I didn’t blame myself. I blamed my parents. I cursed my family for breeding this illness into us both. I knew that eventually I would walk the same dark path as my brother trod, and that, like him, I would be too proud to admit that the demon was seizing more and more control over me each night.” Antoine sat up and dug his fingers through his brown hair. He stared into Sera’s green eyes, the deep colour of them soothing away his agitation and coaxing him into continuing. Speaking to her felt so easy, as though she had come into this world for the sole purpose of hearing his woes and easing his pain. “When Anya left me, Snow found me drinking half the blood in the cold store and stopped me. He confessed that by drinking more blood, he had only quickened the awakening of his bloodlust and strengthened the hold it had on him.”

“He wanted to save you from going through it too.”

Antoine nodded. “So I owe him, not just for the warning that has helped me keep the bloodlust at bay for far longer than he was able... but because of what came after.”

His throat closed, emotions squeezing it as memories bombarded him. He shut his eyes and frowned, struggling against them as they swept over him, crashing through his mind. Pain tore at his heart, until it felt as though it was going to kill him. He gritted his teeth and curled over. He couldn’t do this. He had been wrong. He still couldn’t talk about what had happened.

Sera frowned and cupped his cheek, her palm warm against his face. Her steady heart sounded in his ears, soothing and calming him, giving him something to focus on as he battled his pain. She stroked his face, fingers soft against him, tender, conveying her concern. Her other arm settled across his back, hand curling around his shoulder. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to the shoulder closest to her and he wished he could feel her lips on his flesh, not his shirt.

“What happened?” Her hand fell from his face to his chest. He slowly opened his eyes and looked across at her. She stared down at her hand on his chest, her heart beating wildly now, as though she could see through his bloodstained shirt to his scarred flesh and was piecing things together for herself. “Did it have something to do with what happened to you? Did someone hurt you and make Snow lose control?”

Antoine laughed scornfully. “No.”

He stood and paced across the room, needing the space.

“I was so busy looking for Anya that I didn’t see the warning signs. Snow had confessed the depth of what he was going through. He had confided in me and I should have dropped everything so I could help him. Instead I was chasing after a ghost.”

He reached out with his senses, across the corridor and into Snow’s room. His brother was peaceful, at rest, and the depth of it surprised him. There was something in Lilah’s lullabies after all.

“Snow had a bad night.”

“How bad?” That question was cautious, wary, and conveyed that Sera knew just how badly he meant but she needed to hear him say it.

There was no way she could imagine the carnage he had witnessed.

Antoine turned towards her, weak from the grip that memories of that night had on his heart and his mind.

“A waking nightmare.” Those two words fit the scenes playing out in his head so perfectly.

Sera reached out to him and he went to her, slipping his hand into hers and allowing her to lure him down to sit on the edge of the bed. She placed her arms around him and he didn’t shirk her, just soaked up the comfort she offered and wondered what heavenly being had placed her on this Earth and brought her into his life. It felt as though she had been made for him.

“I have never told anyone this. Not even Snow knows the full story... although I suspect he remembers more than he admits.”

She didn’t tense. She started a slow motion of her hand over his back, stroking and soothing, calming his pain so he could speak.

Why did it feel so right to confide all of this in her? He had held it inside him for so long now. Everyone knew he and Snow had no other family but no one had ever questioned why. No one but he and his brother knew what had happened that night at their family mansion.