Not that. Anything but that. He witnessed the perils of such feeding every night when his brother woke screaming and thrashing against his restraints. That same addiction ran in Antoine’s veins, a dark master waiting for the day it would reign over him and do the same terrible things to him as it did to Snow.
He was already past the age at which Snow had exhibited the first signs of bloodlust. If he didn’t keep control, if he didn’t deny his needs, it would be game over for him too. It would only take one little slip.
Who would look after Snow if he lost himself to bloodlust too?
“Antoine?” Sera backed away, a nervous edge to her voice now.
He closed his eyes and lowered his head, turning it away from her. The Devil, he was close to saying yes to her without any need for seduction but he couldn’t.
Antoine rallied, pushing away the chilling thought of succumbing to bloodlust and her seduction, and said, “No.”
He pivoted on his heel and stalked towards the stage door, intent on leaving her and heading for the sanctuary of his office. He would fix himself a glass of blood to quench his hunger and then close his eyes for a while and claw back control.
“Haven’t I already seduced you to a degree?” she called after him and he stopped dead. True. “I got you onto the stage with me... I aroused you until you couldn’t resist participating.”
He couldn’t deny that. His fingers were still moist from touching her and he had been fighting the temptation to lick them clean the whole time he had been talking to her. What was he doing? How had she cracked the armour around his emotions so easily? She didn’t belong with him. He belonged with no one. It was safer that way.
Safer for both of them.
Antoine looked down at his hands. Blood. It covered them, crimson dripping from his fingertips and splattered up the sleeves of his silver-grey shirt. He breathed hard, fighting the panic and the memories. The fear. It swamped him, pushing down and breaking apart his defences, closing his throat and tightening his chest. It prickled over every inch of his skin and blazed in his heart. Antoine shut his eyes and breathed slowly and deeply. In. Out. Inhale. Exhale. Just as he had practiced so many times. Focus on his breathing. Let everything else fade away. No fear. No pain. No death. Just him, living, breathing. Alive not dead.
Not bleeding out.
When he finally opened his eyes again, the blood on his hands was gone and Sera was standing between him and the stage door, looking at him strangely. Concerned? The spark of desire that had enlarged her pupils was gone, erased by her frown and a steady, penetrating look that made him feel as though she was reaching past the barrier right that moment, seeking to seize the truth about his past from his heart.
Antoine closed his eyes, turned away from her, and released one final soothing breath. It would turn out to be yet another mistake, would end with her cleaving open his heart, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He wanted to stay. He needed to stay. For the first time in three centuries, he needed to surrender a fraction of control so he could lose himself in this woman.
He needed to be with someone.
With her.
Everything about her said that she could satisfy his needs, that she would be everything that he wanted her to be—gentle, tender and warm. She could even fix his broken heart if he was brave enough to let her try, foolish enough to believe that the feelings she showed him in her eyes at times were real and not an act.
His heart whispered that he could still get out now before it was too late. He didn’t have to put himself through this Hell again.
Antoine dropped down off the stage and sat in the seat he had occupied during Sera’s show for him.
He couldn’t leave. It was already too late. He had touched her, had fallen under her spell, and now he needed more than just a taste of her.
He needed all of her.
Sera stood there on the stage, looking uncertain now. Had she expected him to make this easy on her?
He couldn’t, not when part of his heart was screaming at him to flee, that he was in danger and needed to escape right now. The desire she stirred in him, the attraction he felt towards her, might have made him stay but he still fought those feelings on instinct and his heart would continue to fight her as she tried to seduce him. The self-preservation instinct ran deep after three centuries, impossible to overcome without a little convincing.
Sera still stood there. Was she waiting for him to say or do something?
She blinked, long dark lashes shuttering her beautiful green irises, and when she was looking at him again, her confidence was back. She had said she could seduce a man, could turn his no into a yes. He wasn’t going to prove an easy challenge. The darker part of him said to take all that he could from her, satisfying his every need without becoming attached, and then make her leave. She was willing. She could host his body and his need for blood, and he could continue for another three centuries without physical or emotional contact with a woman.