Secrets of a Bollywood Marriage(28)

                “Nothing happened.” Dev gave a warning look but Nikhil ignored it.

                “That’s not true. You’ve lost a baby. Your father. And pretty soon you’re going to lose a wife.”

                Dev slowly rose from his seat. Nikhil was his friend but he had crossed a line. “You have no right—”

                Nikhil crossed his arms. “Where did you and Tina go for your honeymoon?”

                Dev frowned from the sudden change of topic. “We didn’t. I had to work on a movie.” It didn’t matter that they didn’t take time off to go on a honeymoon. When they were together, their surroundings had faded into the background.

                “And where were you when Tina miscarried?” Nikhil asked.

                Dev closed his eyes as the guilt swelled inside him. Tina had been alone and she hadn’t been able to reach him. She had tried to put on a brave face when he’d finally reached the hospital, but he had seen the tracks of tears on her cheeks and the despair in her eyes. “On the set.”

                “Of another movie,” his friend added. “And where were you when Tina was recuperating?”

                In another country. Dev slapped his hands on the desk and leaned forward. “She doesn’t need me hovering over her. She’s told me that.”

                “And you agreed? That’s not like you, Dev.”

                It wasn’t. Before they got married, he’d wanted to help her in every way he could. She had declined, obviously uncomfortable with his offers. Now he wondered if it had anything to do with him. Tina wasn’t used to having someone there for her. Someone who wanted to give without expecting anything in return.

                “Nikhil, I don’t have time to argue about this. You may think that I’m ignoring Tina but I have been a good husband.”

                “Seriously?” his friend said with a chuckle. “Dev, you’re a great actor. You’re a good friend and from what I’ve seen, a dutiful son. But when it comes to being a husband, you are the worst.”

                Dev flinched. “That’s not true. I give her everything she needs.” His friend didn’t understand that his home was a battlefield. Tina had pushed him away every time he’d tried to take care of her.

                But he hadn’t been enough for her. Dev looked down at his hands splayed on the glass desk. When he’d arrived at the hospital and found that Tina had miscarried, Dev had never felt so impotent, so afraid. He had watched Tina fall into a dark place where he had been unable to reach her. He could achieve anything when he set his mind to it, but he hadn’t been able to help Tina or save their baby.

                Dev bent his head as he remembered one doctor asking about the support system Tina received at home. Dev had assured the doctor that he had provided Tina with everything she needed: the best medical care, a safe environment and servants at her beck and call.

                But he had not been there. He loved Tina and had been excited about the baby, but he had felt as if nothing more should be expected from him. He had already gone beyond expectations by proposing marriage.

                Dev glanced up to see Nikhil watching him with a knowing look. “Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be?” Dev asked.

                Nikhil tilted his head. “Don’t you, yaar?”

                * * *

                Tina sat at her makeup table that evening and took another look at her closet. It was filled with her clothes, shoes and accessories. Untouched, as if waiting for her. Just like the small crystal figurine of a dancer she loved so much. It still sat on her bedside table, catching the light.