As Dev and Shreya talked about one of the guests, Tina let the words wash over her. She didn’t want to return to the party. She wanted to curl up in her bed and block out the world. But she knew that wasn’t going to help her situation. She had hidden away for too long and lost everything in the process.
When she stepped inside the billiards room, Tina wobbled as a wave of tiredness crashed through her. She pulled away from Dev and struggled to remain standing when she wanted to rush out of the room, the house, her old life and never return.
“Stay here and I’ll get you something to drink,” Dev told her.
Tina sighed with frustration as she watched her husband and Shreya get swallowed up in the crowd. She didn’t want a drink and she certainly didn’t want to see Shreya wrapping her arm around Dev’s as if they were more than just friends. She was glad it wasn’t Dev who initiated the contact, but she noticed he didn’t shake off Shreya’s touch.
“Tina Sharma!” someone squealed over the bhangra music. “Where have you been?”
Tina stiffly turned around and saw two women approach her. Dread twisted her stomach and she gritted her teeth. Prisha was a choreographer and Khushi was a famous playback singer. Khushi was in high demand and did all the singing for the most popular actresses, and when Prisha was attached to a movie, it guaranteed success. Both of these women had power and influence Tina could only dream of.
“It’s been a long time,” Tina said as they greeted each other with air kisses. “You both look wonderful.” Once again she wished she’d had the chance to change into a party dress. Then she wouldn’t look like the outsider that she was.
“Thank you. By the way,” Prisha said as she placed her hand on Tina’s shoulder, “I didn’t have a chance to give my condolences.”
Tina froze as the sudden tears stung her eyes. No, no, no! The grief surrounded her suddenly and threatened to pull her down. She wasn’t prepared for this.
“It was such a shame,” Prisha said, her insincerity shining through her eyes as she moved closer. “I couldn’t believe you had miscarried so late in your pregnancy.”
“It was a painful time for both of us,” Tina said brokenly. She wanted to get away but she couldn’t move her feet. She needed to change the subject but fragmented images flickered through her mind.
“Did the doctors figure out what went wrong?” Khushi asked.
Tina closed her eyes. She knew she would have to deal with these questions, but she wasn’t prepared to share those dark moments with anyone. “No,” she croaked.
Prisha gave a sympathetic pat on her shoulder. “I’m sure next time you’ll be more careful.”
Tina gasped as the pain radiated through her. She jerked away and glared at Prisha, hating how the other woman’s eyes glittered triumphantly. How did she know that the guilt and confusion swirled around her mind at night? That she continued to question what she could have done differently to save her baby?
“She’s just offering advice,” Khushi said as she held her hands up in surrender. “You’ll need to get pregnant again soon if you want to stay married to Dev.”
Get pregnant? No, never again. She’d made that decision months ago and it broke her heart to think she wouldn’t be a mother. But she refused to take another risk. She couldn’t relive the fear and hopelessness. The devastation. It was a matter of survival.