She took out her cellphone and tapped his number. He answered. Not a machine, the real man. For a moment she choked with excitement.
“Nash? It’s Darcy. Yes, please come by, whenever.”
“Around eight.” Nash spoke without emotion and clicked off immediately.
“Wow!” Darcy cried. She couldn’t help speaking aloud. “Nash is coming over. Is that good? Or is it bad?”
She glanced at her watch even though she was too excited to take in the time. She flew around the house, dusting, washing, tidying, and singing all the nonsense children’s songs she knew because she wouldn’t allow herself to sing anything happy or hopeful because that might jinx what Nash was going to say.
Because what if he were coming over to formally break things off with her? Because that could be why he was coming over. She shouldn’t assume that because he called, he wanted to be with her. It could be the exact opposite.
She felt as if her life were balancing on the edge of a spinning coin. One side, heads, the other tails, and she had no control over how it would land.
She decided to change out of her sundress. It was too pretty, too hopeful.
She took the world’s longest shower, sudsing herself up with perfumed soap. She slathered moisturizing lotion all over her body and pulled on a T-shirt and shorts, nothing fancy, nothing seductive. She decided not to wear any makeup. He’d seen her waking up with morning breath and without makeup, he’d seen her curled up on the sofa with a blanket and a carton of Ben & Jerry’s while enduring menstrual cramps. If Nash wanted her, he could take her as she was, warts and all.
If he didn’t want her, she wouldn’t get mascara all over her face when she cried.
24
“Nash. Hi. Come in.” She stepped back for Nash to enter.
“Thanks.” Nash went into the living room and sat on one of the overstuffed chairs.
He went into the living room, not the kitchen where he often went. Did that mean anything? And why did he choose to sit in a chair, not the sofa where Darcy could sit next to him?
“Would you like a drink?”
“In a minute. Let’s talk first.” Nash had obviously showered. He wore a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and khakis. Definitely not casual. Not here to watch the Red Sox and drink beer.
“Okay.” Darcy settled at the end of the sofa, facing Nash. She was grateful for the fat arm of the sofa next to her left arm. It gave her a sense of security.
“Darcy.” Nash cleared his throat. “We should get some things straight.”
Damn. That sounded ominous. Darcy bit her lip to hold back a whimper.
“Okay.”
“Darcy, I’m in love with you—”
“Oh, Nash!” His words almost launched her off the sofa.
He remained stern. “Wait. Listen. I’m in love with you, but you’re making it hard for me. And, no, not like that, stop grinning. This is serious. You say you love me, but you say you never want to leave your grandmother’s house, this house. Then you kiss another man.”
“Nash.” Darcy leaned toward him, as earnest, as truthful, as she could be. “It didn’t mean anything. Truly.”
“And it didn’t mean anything when I flirted with Kate Ferguson. Darcy, I don’t know what to think. I had thought you and I were—headed toward a serious relationship. Maybe more. I was happy with you.”
“I was happy with you, Nash. I wanted—I want—to be in a serious relationship with you, but I don’t know, we never spoke about being exclusive, anything like that—”
“Have you been sleeping with anyone else?”
“No, Nash! God!”
“I haven’t, either. So I thought we were a couple, even if we hadn’t made it official somehow. Even if we hadn’t said so in words.”
“I guess I need to hear the words,” Darcy told him.
“Are you ready to say the words?”
“What? Oh, Nash, I love you! You know that.” Darcy strained toward him, wanting to kiss him, to touch him. “I didn’t know you loved me, so…”
“Darcy, I told you something I haven’t told anyone else. About my brother. About his death, all that.”
“I haven’t spoken of that to anyone. I would never—”
“I thought you’d understand how I feel about you when I told you about Edsel. But, Darcy, come on, settle down, we need to talk this out. You say you love me. I love you. What does that mean? In my world, it means we’re pretty much on our way to being together permanently.”
Darcy’s eyes went wide. She half choked, half whispered, “Marriage?”
“Well, that’s what normal people do when they fall in love, when they’re as compatible as I thought you and I were. But I can’t get a clear reading from you, Darcy. I wanted to talk to you about the future, but only a few weeks ago you said you hoped you never had to leave this house.”