Secrets at Midnight(25)

Whimpering, Kirby met his gaze, unable to refuse the order. It was why he’d never given her any such order in their time together thus far, and never would in their ordinary life. He didn’t ever want his mate to obey him simply because her animal saw him as the more dominant, would tear himself to shreds before he stole her free will.

Today, however, she was frightened, panicking, the fear a shivering darkness in her eyes; both parts of her nature needed him to take charge. And though he was unprepared for such a violent and sudden shift, having expected to have time to ease her into it with the pack healer’s help, no way in hell was he going to allow anything to go wrong.

“Give in,” he ordered, Dorian’s advice about the need for Kirby to trust the trapped creature within resonating in his mind. “Give in, Kirby.”

Crying out, Kirby went to her knees, pressing a fisted hand to her abdomen. Her eyes were huge and wet when she looked up. “Bastien, it’s clawing at me!”

She was, he realized, too confused to understand him, her focus shot. Going down in front of her, he put his hands on either side of her head, anchoring her in the instant. “No, it just wants out.” He kept his tone firm, steady. “It isn’t trying to hurt you.”

When her breathing went shallow, perspiration breaking out over her skin in a fine shimmer, he locked his eyes with hers. “Stop fighting, Kirby,” he said, once more using his dominance to force her to concentrate. “Accept your animal. That’s all it wants.”

Her face disappeared under his touch and he felt the plush kiss of fur before she was back, terror in every jagged breath, her eyes cycling between human and cat too hard, too fast. “No, no, something bad . . . something bad is happening!”

Partial shifts could be held on purpose, but it took considerable skill. This was dangerous, parts of her going in and out—because her arm had just done the same thing. “Kirby,” he growled, too afraid for her to temper his voice. “Listen to me. Nothing bad is happening.” It had been a child’s cry that had come out of her mouth, of the cub she’d been when her world went up in flames. “This is a good thing, a beautiful thing.”

Another scream, a trickle of blood from her nose.

No, no, no. Shifting should never be this horrible pain. “You can’t fight it, baby. If you do, you’ll rip yourself apart.” He controlled the urge to yell, conscious that might scare the animal within her, make her devolve further. “Trust in the shift. Let it happen.”

She shook her head, skin clammy and claws digging into his wrists in feral desperation. “I won’t be able to come back.” Piercing terror, her legs shifting in and out to leave her fighting for balance.

“You will.” He steadied her. “You will.”

This time when she cried out, her skin bubbled with pinpricks of blood, as if her body was being turned inside out. Frantic, the human part of him turned to the leopard, found an answer in the animal’s linear thinking. “I’ll shift first,” he said, shaking her wrists enough to capture her attention. “Your cat will follow mine.” It was a gamble, one that relied on the level of her trust in him. “I’m more dominant.”

“Cat?” Dazed golden irises met his.

“Yes.” The fact she’d no doubt assume he meant she was a leopard, too, would work in his favor. “Your cat will do what I say.” At least until his Kirby found her confidence again.

Her clawed hands dropped to dig into the fallen leaves, her body shaking hard enough that her teeth clattered. “I’m so afraid.”

“Don’t be.” Cupping her face, he kissed her, hoping the tactile reassurance would allow her to hear him. “It’s not an intruder, baby. It’s just another part of you.”


• • •

ANOTHER part of me.

A part she’d forgotten and kept trapped for a lifetime.

Of course it hurt. It—they—hurt so much.

“I’ll be able to come back?” she sobbed, drowning in shame at having done this horrifying thing . . . and then her mind shifted and she felt so ashamed at having left her human half alone all this time . . . before the human part of her was looking out at Bastien once again.

“Yes.” Absolute confidence in Bastien’s voice, no room for argument. “Now, just think of your cat and become your other self.” He dissolved into a million particles of shattering light, his clothes disintegrating off him, and then there was a big, heavily muscled leopard in front of her, its forehead gently bumping her own.

Heart thundering at the proximity of a creature so dangerous and extraordinary, she felt a need, such terrible need to be the same, to run, to look at the world through eyes far more keen than the human ones that were all she could use now. It hurt to be shut away, to be tied up, to be only half. Why was she doing this to them? It was time to run, to play, to be together . . . to be with him.