He held Doc, both of them shaking, while he tried to make sense of things.
All he’d wanted was to go to her. Make her see that he could be faithful like the others. That he only wanted her, for the rest of eternity. That he’d make a damn good father and she’d make the most beautiful mother and they could have the entire fucking world if they both tried hard enough. And damn, would he have tried with her. His heart bled with her smiles. Thumped her name. Doc, Doc, Doc…
He had it so bad he could barely keep his eyes off her when they were in public. How many times had he ached to tell her how he felt?
But he’d run instead, trying to give her space to think about all that had happened. And now… now she doubted him.
It hurt like hell. Made him sick to his stomach. And reminded him why he’d taken Magic’s no-mating pact in the first place.
Doubt had killed Mandi, Magic’s first mate. He wouldn’t let it get Doc too.
Doubt, and Magic’s young ignorance. Doubt, and Mandi’s inability to fight for what she wanted. They’d both made amends for their part in that relationship failure—Mandi in death and a rebirth of sorts, Magic in a new life—but all the pain they’d caused themselves and others… it was still with Owyn. It clung to him like a shadow he couldn’t part with, and colored every piece of his future a shade darker.
Reluctantly, he pulled free from Doc’s body and yanked his pants back in place. His hands shook as he worked the zipper, and she touched them to steady him.
Staring up at her, he sighed. “Need to clean you up.”
She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it without speaking. It frustrated him. Doc wasn’t the type of woman who kept quiet about what she was thinking.
He took her in. Her pleasure-fogged eyes were clearing, morphing into something… troubling.
He reached up to brush his thumb over her still reddened cheek. Pale freckles dotted the ridge beneath her eye. He loved them. “What is it, Doc?”
“Can we talk first?”
Owyn frowned. Talk. From what little he knew about females, when one had that sad look in her eyes and she wanted to talk… it never meant anything good.
“About what?”
She reached up to tuck some hair behind one ear. “Us,” she said softly.
Us. This was bad, he could feel it. All his instincts screamed in warning.
“Us? You mean our arrangement?”
Doc nodded. “I don’t think it’s…” For the second time, she had trouble finding words, and Owyn’s chest filled with dread. Because he knew what she was trying to say.
“You aren’t happy with the way we are.”
She chewed her lower lip instead of answering. Her eyes found the floor in the most un-Doclike behavior.
Owyn stared at her and his mouth went dry as panic flooded his senses. She was… breaking up with him? Was that what this was? They weren’t actually an item, but this felt like a breakup. Like she wanted out of their arrangement.
Shit. Shit.
Why? He wanted to ask why, but he didn’t truly want to know the answer. He just wanted to pretend she wasn’t done with him. Maybe if he’d rushed her to the shower without talking first, this could’ve been avoided.
He stepped away, grabbing a small towel from the shelf by the door. Change of plans. He wasn’t cleaning his scent off her, not this time. She might be done with them, but he wasn’t. Never would be, and he needed time to figure out how to change her mind.
“No shower today, Doc,” he murmured.
Her eyes went wide, and maybe she wasn’t okay with it. He wasn’t going to ask.
People would suspect them, but he didn’t care. The thought of washing off his scent when she was trying to pull away was like razor blades to his brain.
Unbearable.
“Y-you sure?”
Carefully, he cleaned up the mess he’d made. “You have to get down to the spa for your shift. Don’t want you to be late.”
“Uh… yeah,” she said, her voice flipping up on the end. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to keep Mason waiting. I’m sure he has people… um, things… to do.”
Owyn passed her bra over, and stood back to watch her put it on. His mate had an amazing body. Lean and muscular and enough womanly curves to drive him wild with lust. But there was much more to Doc than her looks. She had a brain so sexy it made him weak in the knees, and she’d used her skills to save them more than a handful of times. None of the clan was untouched by her talents.
Yes, she was amazing, and he wanted every amazing part of her to be his. He knew her body inside and out, knew her mind because he’d watched her work, but her heart? He needed to know her heart if there was ever a hope of them having more.