“Let’s put aside the whole ‘I can’t give her what she needs’ part for a minute. Tell me what you plan to do with that land.”
“Turn it into a public park, with athletic fields, a playground, maybe a skateboard park. If there’s enough space, maybe I’d leave some of the woods and build a little house for myself way back in the northwest corner of the lot.”
“Not much return on that kind of project. As trustee, I have some concerns, but as your dad, I’m proud of you. That’s a great resource to give to your community.”
“Thanks.” Trip formed the beginning of his first smile all day because of his dad’s remark. Of course, pride didn’t eliminate his frustration at not having control over the fund. “I know you’ve got your legal duty, but I’m not a kid, Dad. I know what I want. If there weren’t a timing issue, I’d wait until I gain control of the fund and then buy the land.”
Trip drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair while his dad mulled over the request.
“Well, you do need a house. That apartment you’re sharing with your partner isn’t ideal.”
“So you’ll release the funds?” Trip sat forward.
“Let’s get back to that other thing first.”
“What other thing?”
“That part about not being able to give Kelsey what she needs.” When Trip didn’t respond, his dad continued. “Last time I saw you, we both said some things that were hard to hear. But still, I know you were holding back. Let’s put all our cards on the table once and for all.”
Trip stared at the ceiling, debating the topic he’d always been too uncomfortable to broach. After all, he owed his very existence to his dad’s affair, which made him feel guilty for being judgmental rather than grateful. But his dad had opened this topic up again, so maybe he should just get on with it.
“Why’d you cheat on Deb?” Trip asked. “I mean, it’s not like you were in love with my mom. That I could maybe understand. But to risk so much—maybe breaking up a family—just for a brief fling?”
“Didn’t expect that one,” his dad replied. After a pause, he asked, “Why does the reason matter?”
“We’re a lot alike. We push hard, we take no bullshit . . . we have an eye for beautiful women. So I’ve always figured the best way to avoid breaking a vow was by never making one in the first place.” He shook his head, feeling uncomfortable. “I don’t know why I need to know, but reasons matter, at least to me. If Deb was cold and withholding, that would be better than if you were just bored. Or maybe you didn’t really love Deb in the first place?”
“I love Deb, so don’t doubt that. I met your mom in the middle of a full-blown midlife crisis. I was jealous of the attention Deb showered on Mason, and my head got turned by a witty, fun lady who made me feel like a man instead of a neglectful husband who didn’t help enough with the baby.” His dad cleared his throat. “Honestly, I can’t see how hearing that helps. You’re your own man. You’re not doomed to make every mistake I’ve ever made. Son, it’s time to grow up and move on, for chrissakes.”
“Easier said than done.”
“You don’t normally shy away from things that are hard.”
On that note, Trip pressed further. “Why’d you go back to Deb?”
“Because I loved her. ‘Went back’ isn’t even a fair characterization. I ran back and felt shitty for a long time, praying she’d never find out. I hoped to make it up to her by being a better husband. I wish I could go back in time and do that over, too—be more honest with her right up front.”
“But if you loved Deb and cheated, then what good is love? Or maybe you only thought you loved her, but you really didn’t? I mean, how does someone really know what love is, anyway?”
“I already told you, I do love Deb. Always did.”
“But how did you know it was love, not just lust or infatuation or some kind of obsession?”
His dad grew quiet for a while, apparently giving thought to his answer. “Because whenever I thought about the future, I always saw her in it with me. I’d never done that before her, or since. Deb gets me. She lets me be myself. And, say what you will, she forgave my sins and doesn’t throw them in my face every time we fight. Hell, I suppose part of me loved her because of the way she loved me.” After another quiet moment, he asked, “Do you love Kelsey?”