“You didn’t know.” She wiped more tears from her cheeks.
“I knew something was wrong.” He ran his hands through his hair, acid burning its way through his gut. “Still, I couldn’t resist the draw of all that snow.”
Kelsey glanced out the window. “Well, October ninth will be memorable for more than that freak storm now.”
Trip didn’t know what to say. His thoughts were racing around his head like a hamster in a wheel. “Do you feel okay? I mean, are you hurting anywhere? What can I do to make you more comfortable?”
“Nothing, Trip. There’s nothing you can do.” She glanced at her phone, and then up at him. “Turns out losing the baby isn’t the only bad news I got today, by the way.”
She slid him a sideways glance, as if gauging what he knew.
Damn it. “Kelsey, I—”
“Don’t.” Kelsey held up her hand while shaking her head. “Our relationship may never have been perfect, but it’s always been honest. We both know you wanted to kill Wade’s deal, so let’s not pretend otherwise now.”
“Okay. But this is the truth. I am sorry my tactics cost you something you wanted. I wish . . . well, I wish there had been some kind of compromise, I guess.”
“Maybe compromise just means no one is happy, and what’s the use of that?” She squeezed his hand, and then released it. He didn’t like the tone of her voice, or the distant aspect of her gaze.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Her eyes got all misty again as she chewed on her lip. A few second later, she tipped up her chin. “Today was a big wake-up call. First the baby, then my business. Somehow I’d been going along fooling myself into thinking I was getting closer to reaching all my goals, when really, I was just getting sidetracked. Now that the baby is gone,” her voice cracked, “Well, I think this is the end of the road for us.”
“What?” He reached for her hand and kissed it, pretending her words didn’t rock him. “I’m not walking out on you now, princess.”
She shook her head, wearing a sorrowful grin. “I don’t want or need your pity, cowboy.”
“It’s not about pity.” He leaned in to kiss her, but caught only her cheek because she turned her face. He took hold of her chin. “Don’t shut me out. I’m right here with you, and I hurt, too.”
Her amber eyes glistened as she brushed his cheek with her palm. “I know you do, but the truth is, you were with me mostly because of the baby. We both know the last thing you’d ever planned on, or wanted, was to be saddled with me and a child for the rest of your life. Now there’s nothing tying us together.” Her voice cracked. “You’re free to go back to the carefree life you love without any guilt.”
“Didn’t we just talk about all this last night?” He rose off the mattress and walked in a circle like a dog chasing its own tail. “I’m not looking to get out. I like the way things are with us. I’m happy, dammit.”
Her gaze dropped to her hands, which were folded on her lap. In a quiet voice, she said, “But I’m not.”
He stopped in his tracks, although his heart sped up as if he were running. “You’re not?”
She shook her head, still refusing to meet his gaze.
His body tensed while his breathing grew strained. Surely he’d misunderstood her. “Well, I mean, of course I’m not happy right now, with what happened today. But I’m happy with you. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
He watched her lower lip tremble before she pressed it into a firm line. Finally, she looked up.
“I’m not happy, Trip.” Her voice barely registered above a whisper.
“You’re really not?” That realization practically knocked him on his ass.
“I need more than you can give me.” Kelsey’s eyes filled with tears again. “For most of my life, I’ve dreamed about a husband and a family. But now I understand that’s not really all I want. What I want is a man who loves me. Who needs me like he needs oxygen. Who wants the same things I want and isn’t afraid of making a commitment.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she sniffled. “God, this would be so much easier if I hadn’t gone and fallen in love with you. I tried, and I mean, I really tried not to because I knew it couldn’t ever work. I knew you would never love me back. Then I got pregnant, and I thought it was a sign. But there are no signs. So no matter how much it hurts, I know what I need to do, because ultimately I know what I need to be truly happy.”