Secretly Hers (Sterling Canyon)(67)
He kissed the top of her head, glad she seemed content to stay locked in his embrace. Yesterday he’d survived opening up to his father, so perhaps he could also open up to Kelsey.
He groped for words, unable to articulate his thoughts and emotions, mostly because he hadn’t quite gotten ahold of them. Yet he knew that his child needed two parents, and that, while marriage wasn’t something he might ever want, he needed more from Kelsey than the occasional night together. “Maybe we start like this.”
“Like what?” She eased out of his arms and wiped her final tear away.
He swallowed hard, fighting to force words through his dry mouth. “Together.”
Kelsey pressed her lips together and gazed at him. Once again, it seemed as if time stood still in the confines of her apartment. He could hear her breathing, see the cogs in her mind trying to work out his meaning.
Her round eyes looked skeptical. “Together how?”
“I know you never wanted people to know about us, but there’s no hiding from this now. So maybe we should try dating . . . like . . . you know, for real.”
She appeared vaguely disappointed by his response. “I’m pregnant. I’m going to be hormonal and nesting and getting fat. Why would you want to start a relationship with me now, when you’ve never wanted to date anyone—ever?”
“You mean, aside from the fact that we’re having a baby?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, discouraged by her question. Why did the girl who’d been longing for a relationship show so little enthusiasm for his suggestion? “Not long ago, we were good together. If we’re both being totally honest, our little no-strings bargain developed into something deeper, even if we didn’t admit it to each other because of doubts or egos.”
“Considerable ego on your part,” she teased.
“To match my considerable charm.” He winked, taking her little joke as a positive sign. “Come on. I already told you, I haven’t been with anyone since we got together. Let’s see if we can make this work. Don’t we owe it to junior to at least try?”
“So you’re doing this for the baby,” she said, more like a statement than a question. Lowering her gaze, she smoothed one hand over her stomach.
“Not just for the baby.” He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, then covered it with his other hand. “I know you wanted the whole ball of wax in the right order—husband, house, kids—but that’s not how life played out. Forget about your fairy tales. Let’s take things at our own pace, one day at a time. What have you got to lose?”
“Not the most romantic plea.” She cocked one brow and twisted her lips. He wished he could make the grand declarations she dreamed of, but he couldn’t be someone he wasn’t, or make promises he couldn’t keep.
“But it’s honest.” He rested his hands on her waist, happy she let him touch her without pushing him away. Her nearness kept him grounded, enabled him to block out the panic blooming in the back of his mind. Like any other time he’d hurled his body off a cliff, he knew the only way to land safely was to own the move. “I really like you, Kels, which is more than I can say about any other woman I’ve been involved with in the past several years. I know I’m no Prince Charming, despite Fee’s opinion. I can’t promise I’ll be romantic or live up to your expectations or even be a great boyfriend. But I can promise I’ll always be honest, respectful, and will never abandon this child.”
He held his breath, waiting for her answer. After several agonizing seconds, she draped her arms over his shoulders, a dash of color returning to her cheeks. “Okay, cowboy. But you still haven’t earned back your hat.”
“Hmph.” He brushed his knuckles over her cheek and kissed her forehead. “So tell me, how did your family take the news? Should I be watching over my shoulder for your sister to come at me with a pitchfork?”
“I haven’t told them yet.” She crinkled her nose and eased out of his arms. “I wanted to talk to you first so you didn’t hear it from anyone else.”
“Something tells me you were grateful for the excuse to procrastinate.”
Kelsey went to the sink to fill a glass of water. “My parents won’t be proud of me for getting pregnant before being married.”
He didn’t miss the fact she’d mentioned marriage twice in this conversation. “Maybe you should wait a few weeks and see what happens. Lots of people don’t tell until later in case something goes wrong.”