Trip’s blood ignited; his chest tightened. He locked his hands behind his head and closed his elbows together while he counted to ten. The last thing he wanted was to cause his father to have another heart attack, but his thoughts were boiling.
Rather than trigger another disaster, he slowly blew out his breath. “Tread lightly, Dad. My mother chose to be a single mom rather than disrupt your family.”
“She made a tough choice, and maybe you see it as unselfish. But no matter what you say, she kept my son from me for almost ten years. She robbed me of time I’ll never get back, and that decision has affected our entire relationship.”
A September breeze sent a shiver down Trip’s spine. He looked across the rooftops in town, toward the San Juan mountains. Memories of his mother rushed forward and lodged themselves in his throat. Maybe his dad had a point, but Trip wasn’t ready to admit his mother’s decisions had negative consequences.
“My mom was loving and warm and worked her ass off to raise me, so I’m not going to sit here and let you badmouth her when she’s not even here to defend herself.” Trip leaned forward and looked his dad in the eye, remembering all the things he’d overheard while living under Deb’s roof. “When I first moved in, I thought maybe you were happy to have me there. Maybe you started to love me. But then I heard you tell Mason that I wasn’t wanted like him, and that you took me in because you couldn’t be a man who didn’t take care of his mistakes.”
“I never said that!” His father’s adamant expression and tone caught Trip by surprise.
“Yes, you did. It was after my eighth grade football championship game. I’d snuck back down to the kitchen for a snack late at night and you were consoling Mason because he was whining about me again.”
“Then you misheard or misunderstood what I said, Gunner.” His dad leaned forward and reached across the table to lay his hand on Trip’s forearm.
Trip sat back, hands rubbing his thighs, eyes downcast, emotional exhaustion making his body ten times heavier. “I don’t blame you, you know. You didn’t plan for me. You never loved my mom or wanted a kid with her. And still you took me in, gave me every opportunity, and we had fun together when it was just the two of us.” He met his father’s gaze. “I respect and love you for all of it, ’cause I know it wasn’t easy. But let’s just be honest and admit that we’ll never be father and son the way you and Mason are, and Mason and I will never see eye to eye.”
His dad seized his hand and squeezed it tight, his voice determined. “You’re right about one thing, it wasn’t easy. I was ashamed to face my wife, to face Mason after setting such a bad example. But your conclusions are all wrong. My shame had nothing to do with you. It didn’t detract from the thrill of meeting you. You think I don’t look at you and love seeing the things we have in common? You think I’m not proud when I talk about you to my friends? I’ve done and said everything I could think of to let you know that you are as much my son as Mason is. I love both my boys, even if you are as different as night and day.”
Trip’s nose tingled and his eyes burned. His skin itched and he wanted to run far and fast, away from this conversation, away from his brother, and away from his past. His dad released his hand and raked his own through his hair.
“Gunner, what’s the deal with this girl? Do you care about her, or do you just want to keep her from Mason?” He raised one brow. “I hear you’ve got the sellers of some land asking for all kinds of studies from Wade, which Mason said could screw up the deal Kelsey’s been putting together. And you were pretty convincing when you told me you weren’t interested in her.”
“Kelsey knows my position on that deal. We don’t see eye to eye, but it’s not personal. When I told you about Kelsey, I didn’t think I was interested, but then I got to know her better.” Trip shifted in his seat and looked across the street, shrugging. “I’m not looking for a lifetime commitment with anyone, but she matters to me.”
“No lifetime commitments with anyone, eh? I’ve never thought of you as a coward, son.”
“I’m not a coward!” Trip scowled. “You think I don’t see how much I’m like you? I don’t want to make promises I’m not sure I can keep. One woman for the rest of my life sounds like an impossible vow, so I’d rather steer clear so no one gets hurt.”
“Huh. And how’s that working so far? Is Kelsey hurt? Mason? You?” His dad stood up and gripped the railing of the deck. “I’ve already admitted I’m not proud of how I betrayed Deb, but I can’t say I regret it, either, ’cause I got you. People are human, Gunner. We make mistakes. The best you can do is own them, try to make up for them, and try not to repeat them. But if you live your whole life trying to avoid them, you’ll never be happy.”