“We’re here for you,” said Grant.
“Whether you like it or not.” Hannah paused. “We don’t want you to get so overwhelmed that you—”
“It’s been more than a decade. Eventually, you both have to trust me.” Irritation flared in Mac.
But had he ever given them reason to have faith? He’d kept his entire life a secret. Trust went both ways.
Hannah raised a single brow. “I was going to say hop on the next flight to South America.”
“Oh.” Mac went back to his coffee. “Sorry. I guess I’m defensive.”
“We all need to try harder.” Grant raised his hands. “We haven’t communicated well in a long time, but I remember when we operated like a junior commando team. We could practically read each other’s thoughts.”
“That was a long time ago, Grant.” But deep inside, Mac longed for the connection he’d once had with his siblings.
“Where’s your Jeep?” Hannah asked.
Mac scalded his throat with another gulp. “I crashed it into a tree last night.”
Hannah straightened. “Do you need my help?”
“No.” Mac shook his head. “It’s not like that. I wasn’t under the influence of anything. I swear.”
Hannah’s response was uncharacteristically gentle. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.”
He glanced from his sister to his brother. Exhaustion lined both their faces. Less than twelve hours ago, they’d watched their father die, and they’d likely spent the rest of the night frantic about Mac. The last year had been hell on all of them. While the Colonel’s death was difficult, none of them had fully recovered from Lee’s murder. It was their brother’s murder they were all still processing.
Guilt and grief rocked Mac. Hannah and Grant had suffered enough. No more adding to their pain. He owed them the truth.
“I work for the DEA.” Mac gave them the same speech he’d given Stella the night before.
“How long?” Hannah asked.
“The last three years,” Mac admitted.
“I don’t know whether to be relieved or pissed off,” Grant said.
“I’m both.” Hannah leaned back in her chair and tapped a finger on her chin. “Why all the lies?”
“Undercover assignments are dangerous. More lives than mine depend on complete secrecy.” Mac sighed.
“I’m insulted you didn’t trust us,” she said.
Mac nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s not that simple.” Grant dropped into a chair. Both hands scrubbed down his face. “I went on plenty of missions I couldn’t share with either of you.” His blue eyes pierced Mac like twin bayonets. “Why are you telling us now?”
“My last assignment went FUBAR.” He summed up the incident in Brazil. “I’m going to be home, lying low, for a while.”
“You’re not going back?” Grant’s tone was more statement than question.
Mac kept to his pledge to be honest. “I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
His brother folded his arms over his chest, clearly unhappy with his answer.
Mac added, “Part of the reason I kept my job a secret was that I didn’t want you to try and talk me out of it. I screwed up my life. I screwed up everyone’s lives. I finally have a chance to make up for all my mistakes.”
“You don’t have to make up for anything,” Grant said.
But Mac felt like he did.
Hannah’s eyes went misty. “But you’re all right?”
“Yes. To be totally clichéd, it’s just a flesh wound,” Mac said.
“So what happened last night?” Hannah asked.
With a deep breath, Mac told them everything, from leaving the nursing home to his conversation with Stella.
“Strange . . .” Grant said. “And I’m not a big fan of weird events, not after everything that’s happened over the last year.”
“I’m going to find her.” Mac set down his empty cup. “I need to find her.”
He couldn’t have another woman he couldn’t save haunting his sleep.
“Does Brody know about this?” Hannah’s mouth pursed.
“I imagine Stella will tell him this morning.” Mac spun his empty coffee mug on the table.
“Is there anything we can do?” Grant asked.
Mac stretched. “Let me borrow your cell phone. I need to call the auto shop.”
“OK.” Grant held his phone toward him. “On one condition.”
Wary, Mac froze. “What?”
“You have dinner at my house tonight. We can talk about all of this. Plus, we have funeral and estate issues to discuss. Ellie has been worried sick, and the kids miss you.” Grant had proposed to Ellie on Christmas Day. They’d bought and renovated a home. They were raising Carson and Faith and building a family together. They were happy. Was that envy crawling around in Mac’s chest? Since when did hearth and home have any appeal to him?