"Okay, I can agree with that. We will have to make a few stops anyway. I am definitely going to have to pick up some more clothes and stuff."
"Isn't there anyone you need to check in with? I mean this trip was rather unexpected for you."
"No, I don't imagine people are expecting to hear from me. Ever since...well ever since, I haven't kept up with many people. Hell, I have actually alienated almost everyone I know. Most of the business is on autopilot and what isn't is being handled by our partner Toby Richards."
"Your partner, Toby Richards," Paige corrected.
"Sorry."
"He won't be worried about you?"
Nathan was silent for a minute. Part of him wanted to say that didn't they just agree not to discuss this, but he realized discussing his current life wasn't the same as discussing their past. Her past.
"No. Well maybe a little. Toby is a good guy and has been a great friend. However, he knows how hard things have been for me. How much..." Nathan stopped and shook his head, dismissing what he had intended to say. "Let's just say that he wouldn't be surprised by me dropping off the radar for a little while. It certainly wouldn't be the first time."
"No other family?"
Nathan was quiet for a minute. "It's so odd. I feel like this is stuff you should know. Stuff you knew so well and yet..."
"I'm sorry I..."
"No, its okay, really. Just feels surreal, but then so much of this does, doesn't it? I guess we only got so far the other night. As I told you before, I was an only child. I lost both my parents just after high school. Drunk driver. It really messed me up. I ended up going to live briefly with an uncle I never knew I had. He was my mom's brother. He was much older than my mom. I don't know what or even if their were problems between them. Though I expect there were, since I didn't learn he even existed until the day I was told I would be going to live with him. I was with him for less than a year before leaving for college. I am not sure we said more then a couple dozen words to each other."
Paige frowned. She regretted asking and wanted to let him know he didn't have to explain any more.
"What little I learned of him was actually after the fact, while cleaning out his house after he died. It was during the summer before my junior year of college. Heart attack. He had at one time been married with two daughters. Drunk driver again. I think perhaps that is why he agreed to take me in and why...well why we never bonded I guess. I was a reminder of his own loss. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but that is how I felt at the time. I don't want you to get the impression that he was mean or anything. Anyway, he left everything to me. At the time I didn't know what that entailed. It turned out that besides his home, he owned a sporting good store."
Nathan was silent for a moment and then let out a little chuckle.
"To think all that time I was there, I never had a clue what it was that he did. He would leave every morning for work and come back later. I never once asked him what it was he did."
"You were coping with the loss of your parents."
"Yeah, maybe. I think part of it was that I didn't want to know. Didn't want to know his business, didn't want to know him. I think I was afraid of getting to know him. And not just him, anyone really. I shut myself up. I can definitely see that now. I was afraid of losing anyone else. If you don't let anyone in then they can't leave you. Can't hurt you."
"Toby was the first person who made it back in and that was simply because he was too damn stubborn. He was my roommate at college. Computer nerd and business wiz all in one. Not to mention a bit of a party animal. I owe everything I have today to him."
Paige smiled. She could tell that it pained him a bit to talk about it, but it was also therapeutic.
"What the heck did I know about running a store? Not to mention I was still in college. Of course I was majoring in screwing around. I switched majors so many times, I don't even remember what I was studying when I left school."
"You didn't finish?"
Nathan shook his head. "Toby was there for me after my uncle died. I tried to push him away, but like I said he was stubborn. I didn't know what to do with the store and the warehouse full of equipment. Toby on the other hand came up with a plan. He had me close down the physical store and we went virtual. To this day I still don't understand all the moves he made, but before long we had contracts with schools and playgrounds, you name it. Success was handed to me. I should have been happy. Maybe I was, a little."
Paige understood what he was saying. Moving forward despite the loss. You could fake it fairly well if you tried. When the ground gets ripped out from under you, you can make a show of getting back up, but inside you might still be there huddled in a ball on the ground.