“What about the gang of three?”
“The boys are good. Reggie just got a little promotion at work, but he’s still coming around on weekends. And the other two are helping your dad out for a while, ever since he hurt his back.”
“Great. Really great.”
I hated feeling this way. I hated lying to my mom, making stupid small talk when I knew that everything around me was falling apart. I knew that I couldn’t fix or help it, and I just felt so incredibly powerless to do anything about it.
The gang of three, my brothers, they were invincible. It seemed like no matter what happened, they always had a smile on their faces. Reggie was quick with a joke, and serious Jonny was always giving brotherly advice. The oldest, Reese, was always the first to stick up for me back in the day. It wasn’t easy having three older brothers, but they were amazing guys, and they were turning into even better men.
But it never seemed to touch them like it touched me. The pain of everything, the way Daddy struggled and Mom constantly picked up after him, the difficulty of it all never seemed to get to them. They were content living their lives, seeing how things turned out, but not me. I had to step up and do something, even if that meant putting myself in danger.
It was all so hopeless, and hearing my mom talk about home only made me feel that much worse. I didn’t want to lie to her anymore, and so I’d been trying to avoid her. I needed a familiar voice in that moment, but I also couldn’t stand to hear it.
In the end, maybe I was just a coward. Maybe I couldn’t step up when I needed to. I didn’t know what I was, but I quickly ended the conversation.
“Sorry, Mom,” I said. “I have to get going. A friend is calling on the other line.”
“Oh, okay. Well, call me back soon.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I hung the phone up and tossed it over onto my bed. I stared at it for a second, wondering.
I believed that in Travis’s case, where he came from was so important, but I hadn’t really looked closely at myself, at where I came from. Maybe I needed to do a little more of that before I started judging him.
Maybe I was being a little harsh on myself and a little unfair to Travis. Feeling guilty, I pulled open my bedroom door and went back out into the living room.
Travis was sitting on the couch and glanced up as I walked in.
“There she is,” he said. “Who were you talking to in there?”
“You spying on me now?” I sat down at the other end of the couch. Travis was watching a baseball game, though he looked more like he was drinking some of my wine than watching anything.
“Couldn’t help it,” he said. “This place is fucking tiny.”
“I’m sure you tried real hard not to listen.”
He grinned at me. “I did. That’s why I’m asking you now.”
“It was my mom.”
He nodded. “You tell her you’re elbow-deep with the Dixie Mafia?”
“No. I told her I’m off working a job I love and hanging out with people my own age.”
“I’m your own age.”
I laughed. “You’re like five years older than I am.”
“How old are you anyway?”
“Twenty-one.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Shit, you’re young. I’m twenty-seven.”
“Six years. I was close enough.”
“Shouldn’t you be in college?”
“I decided not to go. Wanted to stay home and help my parents on the farm.”
“Farm girl through and through.”
I sighed. “Guess so. Hey, think you can get me some of my own wine?”
“Sure can.” He smirked and stood up. “So how was lying to your mom then?”
“Not fun.”
“I’m sure.” He grabbed an extra glass and poured me some. He handed it back to me and sat down. “Never fun lying to your family, even when you fucking despise them.”
“Speaking from experience?”
“I am.”
“You lied much to them?”
“When I was younger, all the time. They all died after that, so it’s easier not lying to them now.”
“Guess you’re trying to say I’m lucky that I can even lie to them at all.”
“Something like that.”
“Yeah, well, save it. I don’t feel lucky.”
He smirked at me. “I feel lucky. I get to sit on this couch with you, drink some wine. Feels good.”
“Not to me.” I sipped the wine and stared at him, frowning. “How can you be so calm right now? Do you have a plan?”
“No plan to speak of beyond this second,” he said.
“Then it seems like you should be more stressed.”