“I used to be stationed there a long time ago.”
“Where is it?”
“Southern Indiana. Way down at the bottom. We should get there tomorrow morning.”
“Can’t we make it tonight?”
“Base won’t be open tonight. We’ll rest in a nearby motel then go to the base in the morning.”
“Why are we going there?”
He frowned and stared at the road. He drove alertly and seriously, which only made me want him more.
But watching him in action scared me. His face was blank, just like Tony’s was, except Gates seemed even more in control. Gates was willing to do whatever it took to save me, including shooting at those mafia men, maybe even killing one of them.
I even felt bad about what we did to Randy. That guy was clearly a big creep, but he was still a person. He didn’t know that our situation was life or death. He was just trying to get by. But I didn’t blame Gates for wanting to beat the crap out of that old asshole. He did say some nasty things about Gates’s father, after all.
I didn’t know how to process everything that I had seen. Gates moved into action so quickly that it was almost like he expected to have to do things like that, like he was constantly ready to shoot at mafia men, constantly ready to fight for his life.
I didn’t know how a person could live that way. I was doing it for only a day or two, while Gates made that his entire career. It was probably even worse out in Syria, or at least about the same. I could see how that might mess a man’s mind up after living so hard for so long. I could see how that would make you into a different person.
But I had to admit, knowing how strong he was and how capable made me absolutely soaking wet. I knew he was a dangerous and intense man, but I didn’t know exactly how skilled he was. Seeing him in action was an entirely different thing, and it made me excited.
I didn’t want to be the kind of girl that got all crazy about a nice pair of muscular arms and a cocky attitude, but apparently I was. At least Gates had the skills to back up his swagger. He was the real thing, an actual Navy SEAL, not some macho asshole poser.
I wanted him so badly in that moment, but I knew Gates was still amped up from the fight. He was keeping it together and driving well but I could see the excitement in his eyes.
“We’re going there because I know someone that might help.”
“Will they take us in?” I asked him.
“No,” he said. “Not exactly.”
“Gates. Please be clear.”
He grunted. “My old commanding officer still is stationed at that base, or he was the last time I heard. I think he can help us.”
“What can he do?”
Gates shook his head. “I don’t know. But he has connections, serious ones, and if someone can do it, he can.”
I sighed. “Okay. I trust you.”
Gates was quiet for a few minutes. “When I joined up, I was lost,” he said. “I didn’t know what I wanted with my life. General Maron gave me purpose. He saw something in me that nobody else saw.”
“He was the one that got you to join the SEALs?”
Gates nodded. “Maron gave me everything. He gave me my life.”
“Were you two close?”
“I guess, in a way. He was a mentor to me when I was going through my training.”
“That’s amazing. Having a mentor like that is the greatest thing.”
“It’s rare in the military to have a man like Maron take an interest in you. Because of him, I was able to go back to Syria and serve my country.”
“You love it, don’t you?”
Instantly, I wished I hadn’t asked that. He stiffened and his jaw clenched, and I knew I had found a sore spot.
But slowly, he relaxed and shook his head. “It’s hard to explain.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to.”
“The military is my life. It’s my purpose. I don’t love some of what I do, but it makes me feel more alive than anything else. When I’m out there, I’m more myself than I am anywhere else.”
I nodded and knew that I could never compete with that.
“I wish I had something like that.”
“You do and you don’t. Because you can’t stay out there forever, you have to come home eventually. And when you come home, nothing is ever the same. The things you do out there are for the good of your country, but they’re not things people back home would think are normal.”
“We all know soldiers do things overseas, things that are hard.”
“Yeah, you read shit. You watch movies. But you’ve never lived it, so you’ll never know.”
I nodded and didn’t say anything. I knew that I couldn’t say a word. He was absolutely right. There was no way a civilian like me could ever understand the things he went through.