Second Chance SEAL(164)

“Room service?”

“Compliments of Uncle Sam.”

She made a face. “This is totally why the government has such a big deficit.”

“I’m pretty sure this is just a tiny little drop in the ocean of debt.”

She shrugged. “Still. You seem to be enjoying it.”

I reached out and gently took Mason from her. I held the kid as she started making a plate for herself.

“Of course I am,” I said. “I’m usually sleeping on rocks and in the desert on missions. I think this is the first time I’ve ordered room service.”

“Well, I can’t complain too much then,” she said.

“Good, since I’m normally risking my life to keep this country safe.”

She made a face. “Your cocky attitude makes it hard to feel thankful.”

“You should be thankful. I’m the man keeping everything that goes bump in the night away from you ignorant civilians.”

“I guess I’m just too ignorant then.”

“You’ll figure it out.” I rocked Mason in my arms. “When do you feed him, by the way?”

“Did it already.”

“Oh. Good.”

She laughed at me. “You really don’t know anything about babies, do you?”

“Not at all. I know plenty about guns and tactics, but babies are a mystery.”

“How about you keep him company while I go shower?”

“I can jump from a helicopter into a storm ocean, swim five miles to shore, and kill a man with my bare hands. I can handle the baby.”

“Good. Have fun you two!” She smiled at me and walked back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

I looked at Mason. “Okay, little man, it’s just us now. What do we do?”

He stared back at me blankly.



I didn’t know shit about babies. I had no clue what I was doing, or what I was supposed to be doing. And of course, Tara was taking forever in the bathroom.

I sat on the couch for ten minutes, bouncing him on my knee, trying to think of things to tell him. I ended up telling him an abridged version of one of my deployments, without most of the violence and gore. He seemed to like that, or maybe he just liked hearing my voice.

Holding my son was strange. Even thinking the words “my son” was an insane revelation every time it happened. I wasn’t a father, wasn’t cut out for having a kid. Even if I was, my job didn’t really let us have lives or families or children.

SEALs didn’t get close to other people. We lived on the edge of danger at all times and spent most of our lives abroad. Even if I wanted a family, it would be pretty damn hard to have one when I saw foreign countries more often than my own.

Which was admittedly a downside to the job. Sometimes I wished I could have more stability, more time in the States. But even when I got a few weeks off, inevitably I wanted to get back out into the shit, back into the action, because that was where I thrived.

I felt alive in a firefight, more alive than I ever felt at home. The only thing that made me feel even slightly like I was living in the moment was fucking, but that never lasted.

I looked at Mason and he looked back at me. I had a strange feeling in my chest, and I could tell that I was torn between two poles. There were two options opening up before me, two ways of living my life, whereas before there was only ever one choice.

Before Uncle Sam owned my ass.

Now, Mason was in my life. It didn’t matter if I knew what to do with him or not. He was still my flesh and blood, my responsibility.

There was no going back, not anymore. I’d committed myself to keeping my family safe, but also to trying to be a part of Mason’s life. I didn’t know what that meant, or what that could mean, since I spent most my fucking life killing bad men.

But I had to figure that shit out.

Finally, after what felt like hours, Tara came back out into the living room, her hair wet. She was wearing a navy blue T-shirt and white cotton shorts, and she looked fucking perfect.

“How’s it going?” she asked.

“Okay,” I grunted. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Is he crying?”

I inspected him. “No.”

“Is he injured?”

I inspected him again. “Not visibly.”

“Then you did great.”

I held him up. “Take him from me before I somehow break him.”

She laughed and came over, taking him into her arms. He laughed and cuddled against her.

“You’re not going to break him,” she said. “He’s a baby. Just use common sense and ask me if you’re not sure.”

I stood up and went over to the food tray. “We should talk about what the plan is for today.”