“I like watching you when you’re in your element,” I say, shrugging unapologetically.
He smiles softly then returns to playing.
I’m about to read the next sentence when he says, “You should just stay here, Sabina.”
My head snaps to him. “What?”
“There’s nothing holding you back, you should just move in with me here. I’ll fly Tara here to visit you whenever you want. You’ll be so happy here.”
He wants me to move in with him?
Wouldn’t that be the ultimate gamble? I’d be putting all my trust, hopes, and dreams into something that is so new. I’ve done that before, and look how that turned out. But Dean is not his cousin.
“Dean—”
“Don’t think about what you should do, just think about what you want, Sabina. If you don’t want to work you don’t have to, if you want to, and knowing you, you will, we can find you a new job doing whatever you want to. It’s only hard if we make it. I want you here. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life than right now. And fuck, I don’t want you to leave. I want to come home to you every day, and wake up to you every morning.”
The long distance thing sucks, and I know after this we aren’t going to be so lucky. Who knows when we will see each other next? Seeing Dean in his house…. He loves it here. And I can see why.
“I don’t know, Dean,” I say, licking my lips. “Are you sure this is what you want? I don’t want to rush things.”
Like I did last time.
“We live in different countries,” he says, putting his guitar down and coming to sit next to me. “I love you. And I want you with me. To me, it’s that simple. Will you think about it?”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Good girl,” he whispers, pressing his lips to my cheek. “Make me the happiest man alive, Sabina. Come on, it will be an adventure.”
I smile.
I do love a good adventure.
The next day however, reality hits me. “I can’t just stay here, Dean. I have to go home and sort out my house, my job, my life.”
I can’t just go somewhere on a holiday for a week and then not return. That’s pretty much abandoning the life I’ve created for myself. But what if this is where I’m meant to be? I can’t remember being so happy. Will that happiness fade though? I suppose I could always go back if it did. I’ll miss my best friend like crazy though. Will she move here too? Great, now I’m dragging her into my craziness.
“Tara will sort your stuff; we’ll put everything in storage until we return. Message your boss and tell her you quit,” he says, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.
Quit my job? What will I do here for work though? I’m sure there are lots of different things I could do, I could always try to get a job at a bank here. But it’s just such a big move, such a big change.
“I can’t,” I say, shaking my head.
It’s crazy… isn’t it?
It’s so risky.
What if it doesn’t work out?
What if it does?
I don’t want to always wonder what if, but the truth is I also don’t want to be one of those women who just changes her life for a man. I want to do this because I want to, not because he wants me to, if that makes sense.
I turn my head to look at him. He’s so good to me. It’s not like I’ve only just met this man. I know him. I know his mind, his heart. I’d be stupid to let what we have go, based on fears that have a lot to do with Ben, and also me wanting to remain independent and in control.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I should probably tell him the truth about how I’m feeling. “I love you, Dean.”
In a second, he’s rolled over with me under him. “What did you just say?”
I open my eyes and smile. “I said that I love you.”
Gazes locked, we wait like that in silence for a few moments. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear those words from your lips?”
I shake my head.
“Longer than I’d ever admit,” he says, lip twitching. “You know what this means, right?”
“What?”
“That you’re staying.”
That’s not what it means at all. It means that I’ve finally admitted to myself what’s been the truth all along, and that’s that we belong together.
Ben might have been my first love, but Dean is my forever love. He made me believe in love again, and that’s an accomplishment in itself, because I didn’t think it was possible, when actually he was right in front of me the entire time.
He’s my forever.
Still, I roll my eyes. “I’m not just going to stay here, Dean.”