He answers on the third ring.
“Sabina?” he says sleepily.
“Hey,” I say, speaking quickly. “Sorry I didn’t pick up any of your calls last night.”
He’s quiet for a second. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just went out with Tara and my phone died,” I say, lying back on the bed. “How was your flight?”
I hear him exhale, as if in relief. “It wasn’t too bad. I miss you though. I want you in my bed for once.”
I smile. “Hopefully soon.”
“What trouble did you and Tara get up to?”
“We went out dancing,” I say, yawning. “And drinking. She’s here with me, fast asleep.”
“You got drunk?” he asks, sounding a little concerned.
“Yeah,” I say, rubbing my head. “Just needed to let loose a bit.”
“Sabina—”
“I’m fine, Dean. You don’t have to worry about me.”
He goes quiet for a few seconds. “I’ve only ever wanted you.”
I swallow. “I know, Dean.”
“So I’m going to worry. And you’re going to have to handle it.”
I sigh, but with a smile playing on my lips. “I can handle anything you throw my way.” I pause. “With conditions, of course.”
Dean chuckles. “Lots of fine print, I bet.”
“Now that you mention it,” I say, grinning. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. When you didn’t pick up I thought that maybe you’d changed your mind.”
“Never,” I say.
I hear the smile in his tone when he says, “Good. I’m going to try to get some sleep but I will call you in the morning.”
“Okay, goodnight.”
“’Night, babe.”
We hang up and then I head into the kitchen to make Tara and me the greasiest breakfast ever.
*****
The next day is my first day back at work, and how bad is it that I already want to ask for time off again? Sure, Leah is my friend, but first and foremost she’s my manager. I wait until the end of the day before I ask her. She says she’ll let me know, but she doesn’t look too impressed with me, and fairly so. I leave work and drive straight home. I decide on a hot bath with a green glitter bath bomb, and all I do is think about Ben. What else did he hide from me? How many other affairs? Why did he do this to me? Why propose at all? I don’t understand him. I clearly didn’t make him happy enough. We weren’t a match. We weren’t meant to be together. I just wish I could have one final conversation with him to try and get some closure, but obviously I’m going to have to forgive him and move on without any of that. Things happen for a reason. I don’t know why this happened, but now I need to let it go. I need to let Ben go, and the thought of us having a perfect first love. We didn’t. It wasn’t a perfectly imperfect love either. It was a fake love. But it’s time to look forward and not backward.
My future is Dean; at least I think he is. And if he’s not, that’s okay too. I’ll be fine either way. I’m strong. I do hope things work with him though, because I know I’ll never meet someone else like him. I love the way he sees me. I love how he makes me feel. I love everything about him. And I think I deserve to be happy now. I close my eyes, and play my “sleepy song” playlist, which is filled with ballads and love songs.
I really hope I get this time off. I don’t think I’ll fully understand and know Dean until I see his world. I need to see if I can fit in there, because what I’m picturing is so different to what it’s like when he visits me.
I wonder what he’s doing right now.
*****
When Kate shows up at my door, I wish it was anyone else, even the grim reaper.
“Sabina,” she says, nose in the air. “We need to talk.”
I open my door for her to enter. “Can I get you a coffee or something to drink?”
“No, I’m fine,” she says, sitting down on the couch and looking around. “I can’t believe you sold the lovely house Ben worked so hard to give you and moved into this. It looks like a bachelor pad. Is that the type of lifestyle you’re living these days?”
Well, her son was living it while we were married, so why the hell not?
I clear my throat and sit down with her. “What do you want to discuss?”
“Luke, of course,” she says, smiling. “He looks just like Ben did as a child. I heard that you met him?”
I blink slowly. I don’t know what she wants from me, but I’m not going to react. She doesn’t deserve my emotions right now.
“Yes, he’s a cute kid,” I agree. “And yes, he looks a lot like Ben.”