Seaside Sunsets(22)

Making love to her how he wanted to was easy, because after she alleviated his guilt, at least enough that he could push past it, what he wanted most was the physical and mental connection with Jess. And knowing that she believed he was as special to her as she had become to him, his urgency subsided, and deeper emotions grew.

Each time he entered her, he went a little deeper, soaking in the intensity of her tightness and drawing out the pleasure for them both. Their kisses heated up, and they moved in sync, faster, deeper, kissing and groping until the guilt subsided completely. He gripped her ass and tilted her hips, just enough to hit the spot that would bring her to the edge, where he held her, panting, grasping at his shoulders, begging for more. Until he was ready, too, and he took them both over the edge in a frenzy of pleasure-filled cries, groans, and loving strokes that awoke parts of him he never knew were sleeping.

He’d thought about making love to Jessica since the first time their eyes met, and now, afterward, there was a peace that overtook him, a desire to be closer than he’d ever felt with another woman. He usually rolled off and his mind moved on to other things. With Jessica, he didn’t want to move away, but he worried he was too heavy for her. He shifted his weight, and she pressed her hand to his hips, keeping him inside her.

“Please don’t move. I’ve dreamed of being in your arms, beneath you, feeling you inside me, for days. Please don’t go.”

Jesus, they were so in sync. “I’m not going anywhere, but I have to know, Jess. You’ve only been with one man. Why me? Why so fast? We could have waited.”

Her fingers moved lightly along his skin, up and down his back, and when she spoke, her eyes filled with seriousness, laced with emotion so deep he could fall into them.

“I always thought I’d know when the right man came into my life. The man I’d want to give myself over to completely. The first time I…did that was when I was very young. I was trying to fit in during my sophomore year in high school. We never even dated. It was like I dared myself to do it. I met him after school and we did it in his bedroom while his parents were at work.” A shadow of sadness washed over her eyes and just as quickly disappeared. “I was rebelling in the stupidest way imaginable.”

“Oh, babe. I’m sorry. High school boys can be such jerks.” He kissed her softly and shifted his weight so his thigh was over hers, his arm draped over her chest. He imagined some jerky kid sweet-talking her into giving up her virginity, and it pissed him off. He felt protective of her and wanted her to feel safe. He drew the sheets up to her waist and tightened his grip around her.

“It’s okay. It was a good lesson, actually, and it was my choice. I wasn’t forced or anything. I wanted to be normal badly enough that I believed that might do it. It didn’t, but it wasn’t horrible. It was kind of like when you try a food you don’t love, but maybe if someone else had cooked it you would try it again, because you know it’s supposed to be really good. Anyway, after that night I decided that rebelling would have to happen in safer ways, and it made me realize that sex was in no way tied to not feeling lonely. I still felt lonely. But that, I realized, came from within. I learned how to deal with the loneliness, and I rebelled by playing the music I wanted instead of what my mother chose. I’m lame, a nerd, whatever. I know, but it served the purpose.”

“But, Jess, all these years? Didn’t you miss being touched?” He was a sensual man, and Jamie loved being touched as much as he enjoyed touching. He couldn’t imagine going all those years without being intimate with a woman.

“I don’t think you understand how focused I’ve been all these years. Dating wasn’t ever part of my daily life. In Juilliard I practiced nonstop, graduated top of my class, and after…” She shrugged. “It’s not like I’m a saint, Jamie. I went out with a few guys, but I never felt anything for them, so they never got past second base.” Her cheeks pinked up. “And now here I am.”

“So was this…was I…some sort of rebellion?”

She ran her finger over his lips. “No. I’m past rebellion. I’ve moved on to self-discovery. When I arrived here the week before I met you, I was hit on by guys. Several over the course of that week, actually. If this were rebellion, any of them would have done. I told you, I don’t rebel with my body any longer. I’m twenty-seven, Jamie, and in all those years, I’ve never felt drawn to a man like I was, like I am, with you.” She inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “Besides, I never knew what I was missing. I imagined what it might be like to make love with someone I cared about, and I hoped it would be like this, but before the…what we did on the beach, I hadn’t, you know.”

He blinked several times, wondering if she was saying what he thought she was. “You never had an orgasm?”

She shook her head.

“You’ve never pleasured yourself?”

She bit her lip and shook her head. “Never even considered it.”

If I had your body, I’d never stop touching it. “But you were so open with me. You knew just what to do, how to act.” He’d never met anyone like her, so pure and honest. So openly loving.

She shifted so they were nose to nose. “That’s because it wasn’t an act. I finally allowed myself to let go of what I’d been taught about how to act and of right and wrong. You know, they didn’t cover proper orgasm etiquette at Juilliard.” She laughed, a sweet, sensuous laugh that he wanted to always remember. “I just let myself feel, accepted what you had to give, and I gave what I wanted to share.”

He drew her body against him, wanting to take care of her and show her all the ways she deserved to be loved and cherished.

“Was it okay for you?” she asked just above a whisper.

He leaned back and met her gaze. “Being with you before we made love was never just okay. You make me think and feel and want in ways I never have before. I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life.”

And I doubt I ever will.





Chapter Nine


AFTER MAKING LOVE again and finally eating those bagels, they spent the day with Vera and the others down by the pool. Jamie, Caden, Kurt, and Tony sat at one of the round tables, playing poker beneath an umbrella. Bella brought a radio, tuned to a top forties station. Jessica, Bella, Jenna, and Amy were lying in the sun on lounge chairs. Leanna was still at the flea market, and Vera was reading beneath an umbrella close to the girls.

Jamie’s head was still spinning from making love to Jessica earlier in the day. He couldn’t get over how trusting she was. Not that he couldn’t be trusted. He was a trustworthy guy, but with Jessica he had nearly zero control. She barely knew him. He could have been an asshole. Maybe he was one. How would he know? Would an asshole have continued making love to her when he realized he was only the second man she’d ever been with? He couldn’t have stopped if his life had depended on it. She had a crazy hold over his emotions, and it became stronger with every second they were together. He’d been a second away from asking her to shower with him, and he’d forced himself to back off, because he knew if he saw all those naked, luscious curves glistening wet beneath the shower spray, the memory of how good she felt beneath him would be too fresh. He’d go back for more without thinking. Instead, he’d rinsed off alone, smelling her scent all around him in the small bathroom.

“Dude, you going to stare at her all day, or are you going to make a move?” Tony arched a brow.

Double entendre noted, Jamie gave him one right back. “Can’t beat an ace in the hole.”

“Unless you’re wielding a longer sword,” Kurt added with a smirk. “Come on, boys, put away your dicks and play your cards.”

Jamie set down four aces. “I was talking about my cards.” And thinking about Jess. He’d never had sex with a virgin, but if he had, he imagined it wouldn’t have felt much different from making love to Jess after only one kid had been there before him, at least ten years earlier. Heat streaked through him. He shifted in his seat and tried to distract himself as best he could.

“Son of a bitch.” Tony tossed down his cards. “I thought you were day dreaming.”

Caden laid his cards facedown. “You guys are too hot for me today. I’ve got to pick up Evan at TGG. Anyone need anything in town?”

“Condoms, Jamie?” Tony asked. “They sell ’em small.”

“Yeah, that’s why I can’t buy them at the same places as you.” Jamie clasped his hands behind his head and relaxed back in his chair. “They don’t carry triple XL.”

Kurt shook his head. He threw his cards on the table and leaned closer to the others. “I think Tony’s jealous.”

“Pfft. I’ve got women coming out my ass.” Tony ran his hand along his muscular pecs.

“That’s the problem.” Caden rose to his feet. “You’re supposed to come in them. They’re not supposed to be coming out of anywhere, especially your ass. I’ll see you guys later.”

Kurt pushed out from the table. “Hold up. I’ll walk with you. I have to get some writing done.”