“Maybe he is.”
“Bullshit. He’s scared of letting someone in. It’s frustrating. Hell, he hasn’t even told me about his past, and I’ve known him for years.”
“That’s his journey, Gen, not yours,” Kate said gently. “He’s gotta be ready for more and you can’t force him. Why don’t you concentrate on your upcoming date? Are you ready?”
Was she? Since Wolfe began wrecking her peace and once-stable libido, she forgot what she wanted from the date. A hopeful beginning? A confirmation there was love out there for her? A leap into the unknown to remind herself sex didn’t have to be a battlefield? Or love. Or whatever that Pat Benatar eighties song said.
“Yes. I’m excited. It was a good match per the computer system, right?”
Kate nodded. “You really complemented each other. He’s divorced, but completely ready to date and fall in love again. He’s a pharmacist, so he’ll appreciate your medical background. He likes to have fun, and he’s not stodgy at all.”
“Kate?”
“Yeah?”
“If all goes according to plan, I’d like to sleep with him.”
The low chuckle of the tattoo artist was nothing compared to the gasp her friend gave. “No! It’s against the rules of Kinnections. Well, the implied rules. No sex on the first date. You’re not out to get laid but to build a healthy, satisfying relationship.”
“Will you throw me out if we have sex?” she asked curiously.
Kate moaned and covered her face. “No, don’t be silly. But I don’t think Charles is that type of guy. If you just wanted to get laid, you should’ve told me!”
Gen tamped down a giggle. “Why? Do you have a separate list of men who want a one-nighter versus a long-term relationship?”
Another laugh emanated from behind her. Kate glared.
“No. But I may have chosen differently. He’s relationship material. Not hot sex.”
Her shoulders slumped. Of course. Why was she surprised? None of her friends thought she was built for short-term. Especially not Wolfe. Was it so wrong to want to buck the system now and then? Was it so wrong to want a night of passion and impulse before worrying about china patterns and white picket fences?”
“Ah damn. I said something wrong. What’d I say?”
Gen avoided her gaze. “Nothing, don’t be silly. You’re probably right. I was just thinking since I broke off my engagement, diving into another relationship wouldn’t be a good thing. Maybe I need to have a bit of fun and frolic. Does that sound terrible?”
Kate reached out and squeezed her hand. “Not terrible at all. I’m sorry I didn’t ask more questions about what you want.” She tapped her finger against her lip. “Maybe Charlie will surprise you. If you have heat, he may want to go a bit crazy and sleep with you.”
Gen couldn’t help it. She laughed. Kate had expressed the thought as if it was a complete novelty. Who was she kidding? She’d never had a one-night stand and never been interested in one. She liked connection, dialogue, and emotion. But Wolfe didn’t have to know.
The thought morphed into a plan. She’d go on her respectable date with Charles, but she’d keep her mouth shut about the ending. Wolfe might assume she slept with him, and maybe that would put a barrier between the weirdness that was sprouting up all the time. If she experienced a spark with Charles, she would let her gut instinct lead the way. A voice growled behind her back.
“You can always get him in the mood by showing him this beauty,” the tattoo artist said. “Sure you don’t want baby’s breath sprouting from the rose instead? Ladies seem to go for that one.”
No. She may have picked a rose, but this was her own little secret. A bit of darkness within the beauty. Pain within the pleasure. She may not want to live in that world, but it existed, and she would never try and shut it out again. It was now a tiny part of who she was.
“No,” she said aloud. “I want the thorns with the drops of blood.”
“You got it.”
Kate winced and looked away, but with each prick of the needle, Gen edged closer to satisfaction. Maybe it was time she accepted that she didn’t always have to walk in the light. Do the right thing. Make good choices. Maybe there was more to her than she ever thought possible, and getting this tattoo was her first step.
Gen smiled and gave herself up to the experience.
“HOW WAS YOUR DATE?”
It killed her to be casual, but Gen decided she’d die before showing her real emotions. Jealousy. Rage. Confusion. Jealousy.
He hadn’t come home last night. Of course, Wolfe warned her, but still she’d stayed up until dawn, listening for the door to open. He waltzed in at 8 a.m. doing the whole walk-of-shame thing. Except he wasn’t in the same clothes. Freshly showered, dressed in faded Levi’s and a black tank that showed off sculpted arms and his ink, he looked like sin on a stick. Relaxed, too. Like he’d wrung out all his previous tension having wild monkey sex with the slut. Umm, date. Whatever.