Searching for Beautiful(45)
She’d fallen for him the moment she looked into his face. He was a god of male beauty and skill, and she’d loved him from afar for almost two years before he finally noticed her. Long lunches led to dinners, and when they fell into bed with one another, she felt as if she’d met her match.
How long had it lasted? That short period of bliss, diving into the physical state of arousal, hours spent under the covers, making love and sharing thoughts and ideas and dreams. He was everything she’d ever wanted. It had been so easy to ignore the signs, the quiet disappointment when she did something he didn’t approve of, the slow ordering of his expectations and wants to come before hers.
His emerald eyes shone in his tanned face. His thick golden blond hair reminded her of a halo, highlighting the laugh lines bracketing his mouth, the sense of power and presence he radiated by just walking into a room. Her mouth worked to form some type of words, but he moved too fast.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Wrapped his hands around her waist, stroked her hair, murmured loving phrases into her ear. Such tenderness and care. Oh, how she’d adored this side of him, the gentle lover who made her feel whole by just obtaining his approval. She also knew how fast he could turn, how deep he could punish and make her hurt by a few cutting words or cold looks.
Gen tried to step back but he held her tight. “I’m so sorry, baby,” he said over and over. “This is my fault. I pushed too fast, I didn’t listen to your concerns before the wedding. Forgive me, my love.”
Nausea hit. Desperate to get away, she pushed against his chest and stumbled back. The devastation on his face, the raising of his arms into empty air, sliced her deep. She heard her mother’s quiet gasp at the complete rejection of his emotions, and she wondered again if she was crazy, if David really was a good man. If she needed to give him another chance.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to do this to you, leave you in this way. I have no excuse.” Her voice broke. “I’ll never forgive myself for forcing you to deal with the mess I left behind.”
“I forgive you, Genevieve. I just don’t want to lose you. I want you back.”
In that moment, the noises died down and her heart took a step forward. She’d loved him once. Believed he was the one. Somehow, along the way, that love had turned to fear, doubt, and sadness. There was no other chance for them, because she didn’t like who she was with David.
She didn’t even know who she was with him.
A quick glance around the room showed hope. A happy ever after. But she couldn’t give it to them.
“David, I—I can’t. I can’t.”
Jim cleared his throat. “I think you two need to talk in private.”
She nodded. They walked silently up the stairs and closed the door to the spare room behind them. Since the house had emptied, her father had turned it into an office, with a small futon, computer, desk, and television. The walls were pale peach. She fingered the slight dent by the window, remembering when she and Izzy had played Dance-Off and Izzy banged her head in an attempt to do a handstand gone horribly wrong.
“Why? Why did you leave me, Genevieve?”
He always used her full name. She used to find it intimate. Now he only sounded like a teacher figure rather than a lover.
“I should’ve realized the truth of my feelings before. I’ve been unhappy for a long time. I don’t think we’re good together.”
His brow arched. “How could you say that? We’ve been perfect together from the beginning. I love you. I want to protect you and be with you forever. What’s not working?”
She shifted her feet. She needed to be strong and focus. “I don’t feel like I’m me anymore,” she said softly. “I feel like I’m turning myself inside out to please you but it’s never enough. I’m not happy. I don’t think you are either. You’re constantly telling me how to fix myself to make you happy. People who love one another are supposed to accept who you are.”
“Did you get that line from Wolfe?” She flinched. “Do you even realize the humiliation you put me through? Everyone knew you were with him. Believed you’d run off for some wild affair and left me holding the bag. The hospital is full of gossip; it’s been impossible to work. Strangers stare. Reporters have staked out our house and harass my parents and your family. And did you even give me the courtesy of a phone call? No. Just disappeared with that lowlife.”
The charm began to disappear. He took a few steps in, forcing her to back up against the wall. Anger pulsed from his frame, but he held still, caging her in with his body. He was an expert at aggressive maneuvers without saying a word. Gen tried to keep calm, but already the panic leaked through, urging her to run. Why was she so intimidated by him?