Kate gripped her shoulders. Her voice was strong and calmed the rising panic. “Yes, you do. You just didn’t want to face it. It’s time to look at the truth, honey. You didn’t want to marry David. I think you wanted to leave for a long time.”
“You’ve changed over the past six months,” Arilyn said. “We all saw it but didn’t know what to do. You avoided your friends, you looked stressed all the time, and you lost your joy.”
Kennedy slammed down a mug on the counter. “Bastard asshat. I had a feeling he was working you behind the scenes. Every time we had plans, you’d call with an excuse regarding David. You started to disappear. And you were so jumpy, I’m so pissed I didn’t talk to you sooner. I should’ve known he was an abuser.”
The past year drifted before her, and the inner voice she kept tamped down rose to a shrill scream. Yes. Remember how he’d tell you what to wear. How to act. How to please him. Remember the cold look in his eye when he was displeased? The temper just barely kept under control if something didn’t go his way?
“He never hit me.” Her voice came out weak. Gen realized it was her last defense. At night, when she thought of leaving, when she thought of how her life was so entangled with his, and her fear of him grew, she’d tell herself that. As if it was a prize. He never hit her. Wasn’t that a good thing? Didn’t that prove that she was crazy to believe he was slowly taking over her soul, piece by piece, until there was nothing left but a shell of who she used to be?
Arilyn smiled. Her strawberry-red hair glowed around her face, giving her the look of an angel. “Of course he didn’t. That would have given you a reason to leave. Rarely do abusers start with the physical. It’s a slow build of control, a subtle shift of power as they isolate you from your support system, until there’s no one left.”
The truth slammed through her. A gasp wrenched her lips. My God, how many times had she wished he would just hit her? Arilyn was right. She would’ve left without a glance back. Clean. Instead, he cloaked manipulation with love until she didn’t know what was real anymore.
Kennedy brought her the mug of tea. She clasped her fingers around the heat and took a sip of the scalding liquid. Blessed warmth coated her belly. “Did he make you nervous? Make you question your decisions? Check your phone and messages and all communications? If you did something wrong, did he have ways to punish you?”
Kennedy knelt on the floor in front of her, gazing up at her with knowing amber eyes. Again, the flashbacks hit her like stinging pebbles. The time she’d burned dinner when his friend was over. He’d laughed and chided her gently at the time, but when they were alone, he refused to speak to her for two nights. She never screwed up cooking again.
The time she refused him sex. His complete disappointment and subtle jibes about her selfishness, the flirting with other women at the hospital while he warned her not to push him into another’s arms by denying his needs. She always said yes to sex after that.
“Yes. He did. All of it. I don’t know who I am anymore without him.”
Kate squeezed her shoulder. “You. But a different you. We’re never the same after a relationship, or a tragedy. We’re not supposed to be. You’ll figure it out on your own terms.”
Disgust curdled her blood. Her entire life she’d been independent and strong. At least she thought so. “I never knew I could be this weak,” she whispered. “I used to read these novels with some dumbass women who kept being abused by the hero and it was supposed to be okay because they had good sex. How did I get here? Why couldn’t I just have said no, or leave before I made everything into a disaster? Am I that needy?”
Kennedy snorted. “Hell, no. Listen, most of the books I read are romance, and they mostly show women saving the men’s dumb asses and sell more copies. We’re not perfect, sweetie. We do the best we can. You were strong enough to run before you got married. Strong enough to listen to your gut. Now you just have to move forward.”
The words reached deep and clicked into place. Yes. They were right. Punishing herself for mistakes wouldn’t make them go away. But she’d have to retake charge of her life and figure out what she wanted. The real Genevieve. Not David’s creation.
“I love you guys.” She sniffed. “Seriously.”
“We love you, too,” Kate said, pulling her in for another hug. “I was so worried. I threatened Wolfe if he didn’t take care of you, I’d kick his ass.”
Gen gave a half laugh and wiped her eyes. “No, he saved me. Gave me the time I need to realize how different I was away from David. We came back after we saw the headlines in the paper. Have reporters been bothering you?”