Searching for Beautiful(134)

And so should their relationship.

He caught his breath as the moon threw her in silhouette. She was gorgeous. Probably out with the girls at Mugs. She wore tight jeans, high-heeled sandals, and a shimmery gold top with lots of sparkle and lace. Her hair was curled in tight corkscrews and tumbled around her shoulders in a silky mess. Pouty red lips mouthed the words to a song he couldn’t catch. Yeah, definitely Mugs. Her hips swung a bit as she bopped to the mental rhythm and skipped up the stairs. The porch light flickered on.

She disappeared inside.

His palms sweat. Wolfe cursed under his breath and got out of the car. He refused to be a pussy. Sure, he’d hurt her, but it was far better than watching her begin to hate him when she realized he was only half a man. The rape and attempted suicide had wiped out a part of who he was. He rebuilt himself, but there was so much violence in his past. She was clean. He was dirty.

She was better off without him.

He wiped his hands over his jeans and trudged up the walkway. He’d keep it light, friendly, and polite. Just check on her. Maybe share a beer. Surely she’d let him inside and begin to forgive him? Surely she’d understand why he had done it and realize things could be good again between them?

He knocked.

Her face froze when she saw him.

His heart stumbled, then dropped into free fall.

Her voice blasted out a spray of pure ice. “What do you want?”

Wolfe tried not to jerk back. This wasn’t like her. Gen would never treat him like an unwelcome stranger. “T-to see you. Catch up. It’s been too long.” He waited like a dumbass on her porch while she studied him like a bug she considered squashing. His temper reared. For God’s sake, this wasn’t what was supposed to happen. “Are you gonna keep me out here or invite me in?” His half joke fell flat when he gazed into those blue eyes and saw . . . nothing.

A wall stood between them. If he reached out, Wolfe swore he’d be able to touch it. Somehow, he had to get them back on track and fix this.

“Gen, please. Let me in. For one beer?”

Finally, she opened the door and let him in.

Trying not to breathe out in pure relief, he remained casual. Walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed two beers, flipping off the caps and handing one over. Like a familiar dance, he expected her smile of welcome or some smart-ass remark that made him laugh. Instead, she just took the bottle and held it in her hand as if afraid to drink.

Irritation cut through him. “So, you went to Mugs with the girls?”

“Yeah.”

“Have fun?”

“Sure.”

He nodded, sipped his beer, and tried to keep calm. Her one-word answers were pissing him off, but if he lost his temper, she’d throw him the hell out. And why was he so mad? He’d been the one to push her away, so he couldn’t expect this to be easy. Maybe it was best to launch right into the topic they were both avoiding.

“I wanted to talk to you.” More silence. “I’m sorry about what happened that day on the balcony.” No expression. “You can jump in anytime, you know.”

“What exactly are you sorry for?”

So cold. Controlled. He pulled himself to full height and swore he’d make her understand. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I did the only thing I could. A relationship like that could never work with us, sweetheart. I’m fucked-up in the head, and can’t stand the idea of messing us up. We’re better off as friends, don’t you agree? I wanted to give you some time so you could come to the same conclusion.”

She just stared at him. Analyzing his words as if he was a stranger. He’d buried himself deep into her body and made her scream his name in orgasm. He’d rescued her from the wedding. He’d told her the truth about his past. And yet there was not even a flicker of emotion revealed on her face.

“Anything else you wanted to say?”

“Why are you doing this? I don’t understand why you’d want to throw away our friendship. Do you need more time? Tell me what to do to make this right and I’ll fix it.”

She slowly put the beer down. The only sign she was affected by him was the way she wrapped her arms around her chest, hugging tight, as if she was trying to protect herself. Regret flowed and the numbness inside melted away to explode back into a fiery pain that hurt every part of his body. She was killing him. All he craved to do was take her in his arms, make her happy, make her laugh. But this was different from when she left David.

Now she looked at him like he was her very worst nightmare.

“You can’t fix this,” she finally said. Those blue eyes remained calm. “I don’t think you really understand, Wolfe. We’re not children anymore. I can’t just flick a magic wand and make myself not love you anymore. I can’t share a beer and a burger and not want to take you into my bed and give you everything I am.”