“Let’s talk triggers.”
She shivered. “Y-Yes. For instance, it seems we hit one now. Why don’t we talk and explore it?”
He laughed low. “Do you soothe all your angry male clients this way? Talk them down with that musical voice of yours? Pretend to know what they’ve gone through? Tell them the world is a big, beautiful place full of rainbows and leprechaun gold?” He dropped his voice. “Is that what you tell yourself?”
She jerked in the chair. Her breath strangled in her throat. He wasn’t touching her, yet her skin blistered from his nearness. “I understand more than you think,” she said calmly.
“Bullshit. You know nothing about hard times or pain, other than the normal breakup of a relationship. How do you expect to counsel us on anger when you’ve denied yourself that human emotion?”
His words stung and pummeled. She lifted her arms halfway to cover her face from the attack. Then felt herself snap.
She jumped from the chair and faced him head-on. The look of surprise on his face only urged her forward. “You want to know how I know about pain? Do you think I was raised in a bubble of goodness and light, dragged from Buddha’s mountaintop? I earned my peace by working for it! I sweat blood and tears and opened myself up for something better to climb out of such a deep depression I never thought I’d survive. My mother died of cancer. I watched her disintegrate before my eyes, changing from a laughing, robust woman to a shell. She smoked, drank, partied, had bad food. She was the poster child of extremes in the pursuit of fun. Before I barely buried her, my father died right afterward, committing suicide because he couldn’t live without my mother. You think I wasn’t angry? Sometimes I’d scream at the top of my lungs just to stay sane. My father killed himself because I wasn’t enough. Try living with that one.”
“Arilyn—”
“No, I’m not done. I was a complete nerd and geek and had difficulty making friends. I was left alone with no one except my grandfather. Instead of taking a bucket of pills to live or becoming like my mother and trashing my body, I decided to search for more. I studied yoga, meditation, religion, and learned how to live in the light rather than in the darkness. I learned how to treat my body like the temple it is. I forced myself to open up and confess my fears and my pain to a therapist. I decided to help others, but I work on myself every damn day, even though I sometimes don’t want to.”
The silence was shattering. Her righteous anger drained away and left her with pure horror. What she shared almost crippled her, but she dug deep and owned every last shred of truth. Why not? Why hide any more from him or pretend to be something she wasn’t? Maybe it was best he knew all her crappy secrets and that most of the time she had no idea what she was doing. That she’d been broken once, too.
“Feel better now?” she asked. “I believe our session is over. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.” Wrapping the last shred of her dignity around her, she backed away around the chair and walked to her desk. Lengthening her breath, she reconnected with her center and allowed the rioting emotions to ride through her.
He turned and stopped at the door. “I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes, I do.” He glanced at her. Those inky eyes pierced into hers and right through to her soul. The energy between them knotted tighter. “I misjudged you. I make mistakes, too, and when I do, I say I’m sorry.”
Her tension eased. Slowly, Arilyn nodded, accepting his gesture. “Apology accepted.”
“Good.” He grasped the doorknob and pulled. “I won’t make the same mistake again.”
He left. His words echoed in the air, more like a threat mingled with a promise.
One she definitely didn’t want to explore.
Her cell phone chirped. Arilyn grabbed it, grateful for the distraction, and collapsed in the chair. “Hi, Anthony. What’s up?”
“Two things. Lenny and Mike are ready for their foster parents.”
A combination of grief and joy rushed through her. She’d gotten attached to those fur balls and the house wouldn’t be the same. “That’s great.”
Anthony’s voice softened. “I know it’s hard, A. You gave them a priceless gift. The shelter would be in trouble without you.”
She blinked back the sting of tears and fought through. She loved fostering the animals to go into their forever homes, but the good-byes were brutal. Still, the puppies would be together and happy and that was what mattered. “I’ll bring them by tomorrow.”
“Thanks. I also got those pics you sent me. Place looks like a breeding ground for abuse. I’m waiting on a few organizations to get back to me so we may be able to move on this by late next week.”