“You told me it’s safer than driving down the street and, son, if you tell me that, no matter how much bull I think it is, I’ll accept it as true, because you wouldn’t lie to your father.”
Dane closed his eyes again, trying to escape the truth and knowing he couldn’t. “Statistically, it is safer. But now…”
“Now you think otherwise?” his father asked.
“Now I see it from a different perspective. Seeing Rob’s family hanging on a ledge while he teetered between life and death, that’s perspective, Dad. I don’t ever want to be the cause of that kind of pain.”
“You’re a smart man, Dane, and I’ve been the one hanging on the ledge. Hell, I spent years hanging on the ledge,” his father began.
Mom.
“You know, if I could have loved someone else, maybe I would have. If I could have had some notice…You know that’s the thing that stinks the most. There’s no advance notice to shit like what happened to your mom or to Rob. It just happens. If we could have had notice and avoided it, that would have been great. Then I could have…I don’t know…divorced her? Sheila could have run away from the pain of it? Right, son? Is that the answer?” Hal’s voice rose as he spoke.
“That’s not what I meant,” Dane said.
“That’s exactly what you meant. Why love someone if something might happen to you and you’ll be the cause of their pain?”
“Damn it, Dad.” Do you always have to point out the obvious? “I made my decision.”
“I know you did. But is it one you can live with?” his father asked.
Dane didn’t answer.
“Dane, we all come with an expiration date. We just don’t know when our number’s gonna come up. But I can tell you this, and you can bet your ass it’s true. Loving your mother was the best damn thing that ever happened to me aside from you children. And maybe she’s even better than each of you, because without her, you wouldn’t be alive. And even though we had years of too many hospital stays and teetering on ledges, in those few years we had together, that woman filled my heart enough to hold me over for my whole life. Hell, she filled my heart until it overflowed. How do you think I found the strength to carry on and raise all of you nitwits?”
Dane smiled at the term. His father had called them that as kids when they did stupid things like trying to sled off of the barn roof. Tears pressed forth again. He was so fucking lonely for Lacy, and so goddamn sad without her. He’d cried daily since he sent Lacy away, and he was beginning to get used to the brutal emotions that plagued him.
He mustered the courage to speak through the longing that ripped at his soul. “Remember when Mom died?” he asked.
“That’s a time I’ll never forget.” His father’s solemn voice coalesced with the memory of his mother’s passing and the first few weeks of getting used to a house where when he yelled, Mom, no one would answer.
“It hurt so bad.” Dane sobbed silently into the night, swiping at hot tears and wishing his father were there to wrap him in his strong arms, as he had so many years ago.
“I know, son,” his father said softly. “You needed time alone then, too. Do you remember running away?”
“Yes,” Dane whispered through his tears.
“That’s always been your way. Climb into your shell until you think it’s safe to come out. I’m sorry, Dane,” his father said. “You know your mother would want me to push you one way or the other, but I’m not going to do that.”
Dane ran his hand over his face, remembering the dream he’d had about his mother doing just that. Pushing him forward.
“I wish life were easier, and I wish love came with guarantees. But sometimes the only right answer is the one with the most risks. It’s the one that scares the shit out of you but won’t let you go.”
“I love her so much, Dad. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Lacy. She’s always right there on my mind. I can feel her beside me when she’s not there, and I can hear her voice in the middle of the night. Dad, am I losing my mind?”
“No, you’re not losing your mind. You’re in love, and love does strange things to a man. I think you have your answer,” his father said.
“I feel like going home without her will kill me. I can’t even leave the state,” Dane admitted.
His father took a deep breath, and when he spoke, the strength had returned to his voice. “Luckily, the woman you love is still on this earth. You have a choice to make, son. Can your heart live without her?”
“There’s no piece of me that can live without her,” Dane admitted.
Chapter Thirty-Five
LACY SAT ON the edge of the hospital bed, a bandage on her left arm and her head thundering. Every part of her body felt as though it had been slammed against a brick wall, and all she could think about was how fast the accident had happened. Just like Rob. Lacy held the hospital phone against her ear.
“I called your insurance company and they’re arranging for a rental car for you. The police report is being faxed and, Lacy, I wish I could be there with you. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly there for a day or two?” Danica asked.
“Thanks for calling them, but there’s no need for you to come here. I’m fine, just sore. That car came out of nowhere. I never saw it coming.” Just like the shark.
“The cop said the driver ran a red light and that you were lucky your car spun out instead of rolling.”
Lacy tried to concentrate on what Danica was saying, but her thoughts were trapped in a tunnel. It happened so fast. I never saw it coming. Just like the shark. Danica’s words came back to her. You’ll see some kind of sign, and it will push you both in the right direction. Dane’s smile flashed before her. Less risky than driving down the street.
“I could have died,” Lacy said.
“Yeah, I guess you could have,” Danica said.
“Just like that, and then what?” Lacy scanned the empty room. “Then what?” She hopped off of the bed and grabbed her purse with her free hand. “If I had died, then what, Danica?”
“Lace, you’re scaring me.”
“I’ll tell you what. I would have died feeling sad and lonely and without the one person I want to be with. Without the man I love,” Lacy said. Without Dane.
The curtained enclosure opened, and a young nurse walked in. “I’m sorry, but can you please keep it down?”
“Do I need to sign out somewhere in order to leave?” Lacy asked.
The nurse checked her chart. “Yes, I think that’s where your doctor went, to authorize your release.”
“Great. Thank you.”
“Lacy, do you want me to call you a cab?” Danica asked. “Why are you so mad? And why do you sound like you’re rushing?”
“I need a cab but, Danica, I don’t have my cell. Are you calling me from work?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good. Can you text Dane for me and ask him where he is?” It could happen to anyone. Anytime. In any profession.
“Sure, but I need his number. Why?” Danica asked.
Lacy gave her his cell number from memory, and Lacy realized that she’d memorized just about everything about Dane without even trying. She closed her eyes and recalled the scent of him. “You said the universe would give me a sign. I don’t think a sign could be any clearer than this.”
“Hold on. I just got his text.”
Lacy’s heartbeat sped up as she waited.
“He said he’s still at the Cape. He’s staying at Treat’s cottage in Wellfleet,” Danica said. “He wants to know why I asked. Should I tell him about your accident?”
“God no. Don’t tell him about the accident. Just make something up. Tell him that Blake’s going to Florida, and you wondered if he was there so the two of them could get together for dinner.” Lacy’s eyes darted across the floor. “Everything in life has risks. I get that now, and I’m not going to change who I love because of them. I can’t. I just can’t.” Lacy was talking to herself more than Danica. “I’m not sitting around feeling sorry for myself because Dane has a risky career. My accident proved his point ten times over. God, I have to get a phone. And make a plan.”
“Lacy, what are you gonna do?”
“What I should have done a week ago.” Lacy blinked away tears.
Chapter Thirty-Six
AN HOUR AFTER talking to his father, Dane packed his bags and headed off the Cape. He’d been there long enough. He couldn’t hide from his feelings forever. He’d put his career first for his entire adult life, and now it was time to put something else first. Or rather, someone else first.
He picked up his cell to call Lacy and then set it back down in the center console. He hadn’t contacted her since the day he’d asked her to leave. She probably won’t take my call. He considered asking Danica to step in, but he’d already pulled that favor once with the therapeutic advice, and he felt bad that he wasn’t in Florida to meet Blake.
Once he was off the Cape and on the highway, he stopped at the first exit, grabbed a Diet Coke, and texted Lacy, I’m an ass. Can we talk? I miss u.