The previous evening had passed as if in slow motion. Everything reminded her of Dane. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw his face, his dark eyes pleading with her to stop being angry and talk to him. She’d surfed the Internet for a while, looking at People.com and then CNN, and she’d read an article about a great white sighting off Cape Cod. There was a reference to the Brave Foundation being summoned to tag and track the sharks, and no matter how hard she tried not to click that link, she couldn’t stop herself. She’d spent hours watching shark videos and reading about the different shark species. The more she’d read, the more interested she’d become. With her head swirling with facts about sharks, she’d finally turned off her computer and collapsed into a fitful night’s sleep.
At least here at the office she’d have projects to work on and clients to call. Her brain would be occupied. Too occupied to think of Dane.
She turned on her computer, and their internal message system dinged. She had a message from Fred, her boss. New client meeting. Nonprofit, your bailiwick. Nine a.m., my office. Great. Something to look forward to.
The second message was from Danica. Crap. She’d dodged Danica’s calls last night, too. She hadn’t wanted to be consoled, and now guilt pressed in on her. She picked up her cell and called her sister.
“Lacy, are you okay?” Danica asked.
“I’m fine. I just needed to be alone.”
“You’re sure you’re okay? What happened? I looked for you Sunday morning, but you had already checked out. Savannah said she heard there was trouble between you and Dane.”
Lacy rolled her eyes in an effort to keep her tears at bay. “Is nothing sacred?” she managed.
“Savannah cares.”
“Yeah? Well, she shouldn’t,” Lacy said.
“Oh, Lacy. You sound so sad. What happened?” Danica asked.
She didn’t want to argue with Danica. She pushed the confusion she was feeling onto Danica, thinking she would agree and help her to remain strong. “Let’s just say that I realized that waiting fifteen months to be with someone isn’t right. I should have seen the red flags before. You were a therapist; you should have warned me.” Lacy picked up a tissue and wiped her eyes.
“Really? So it’s my fault? I thought you were okay with not seeing him for that long. You were crazy busy, too, and you said you understood. What happened?” Danica asked.
Lacy didn’t answer. Lying was not her strong suit.
“Lacy?” When Lacy didn’t respond, Danica said, “Lacy, listen, honey. If this is really about the panic attack, you can work through that. Your panic attack could have been caused by all of it—your heightened emotions for Dane, fifteen months of building up expectations and turning all that lust into real intimacy, and worrying about if you were afraid of sharks. Anxiety is a funny thing, Lace. It can be really powerful and fed by so many different things.”
Lacy just wanted the whole mess to go away. She already loved Dane too much to be the woman he always had to worry about. Dane had been so attentive to her needs. She knew he would be the same way forever if that’s what it took, and she couldn’t let him mollycoddle her because of her stupid fears. He deserved to be with a normal person who wasn’t afraid of the very things he worked so hard to save. It hurt to think about him, much less talk about him. She’d made up her mind already, and this time she was sticking to her guns, even if it meant leading her sister down a wayward path that she didn’t really care all that much about…or maybe she did. She didn’t really know, and it hurt too much to think about it, but it would definitely shut down Danica’s attempts to push her toward Dane.
“He has women all over the world,” Lacy said.
“So?”
“So? Danica!” Lacy lowered her voice. “What do you mean, so?” Damn it. I thought that would shut you up.
“What a person does before they meet the person they want to be with has no bearing on who they are going to be after they meet him…or her,” Danica said. “Look at Blake.”
“That’s different,” Lacy said. Why is she so set on this relationship?
“Really? How?” Danica asked.
It was no secret that before meeting Danica, Blake was a player of the worst kind. He’d have sex with any woman who wanted him.
“Most men aren’t capable of change,” Lacy said.
“Not true,” Danica retorted.
“They have to want to change.”
“True, and does he?” Danica asked.
“How should I know?” Lacy asked.
“Do you want him to?” Danica asked.
“I don’t know.” Lacy closed her eyes against another wave of tears. “None of it matters. I can’t be around a guy who tags sharks if I’m afraid of sharks.”
“It’s a phobia, and you have no idea how bad it is. You’ve had one panic attack, and you had all those other anxiety-provoking issues rising at the same time. Once you and Dane spend more time together, your anxiety level might dissipate, and spending time learning about sharks and inundating yourself with them could lead you to conquer whatever fear is left. You can work through that if you want to, and it probably wouldn’t be too difficult.”
Silence filled the airwaves.
“What’s your plan?” Danica asked.
“Forget I ever met him and go on with my life,” Lacy said.
“And how did that go last night?”
Lacy looked down at her lap, remembering the box of tissues she’d gone through and the pint of ice cream she’d eaten.
“Lacy?” Danica said.
“Hmm?”
“Before you close that door, why don’t you talk to him? It doesn’t mean you have to be with him, but just clear the air. You waited fifteen months. Fifteen months. That’s a long time to wait just to turn your back because of a panic attack. I can help you with that, too,” Danica said.
“But doesn’t it mean that he doesn’t really like me, or that he’s a user or something, because he didn’t come see me in all that time? Think about it, Dan. Would you put up with that?” Lacy asked. She’d gone over their situation in her mind for hours the evening before. Every time he had free time, she’d said she didn’t, because of that damn promotion she’d wanted so badly, but the truth was, she’d been just as afraid as he’d said that he had been.
Danica sighed. “I don’t know. You were so happy over that period of time. You weren’t pining away for a man who was treating you badly. He called you every time he said he would. He Skyped and FaceTimed, and he sent emails and cards. It’s not like you were being neglected.”
“Damn it, Danica. You’re not making this any easier,” Lacy said. Her office phone rang. “Hold on.” She lowered her cell to her lap and answered her office phone. “Lacy Snow.”
“Our new client is here. Can you join me in my office now instead of nine?” Fred asked.
“Of course. Give me two minutes,” Lacy said.
“Sure.”
She hung up the phone and returned to the conversation with Danica. “I have to go. My boss wants me to meet a new client.”
“Okay, but listen, Lacy. Maybe you shouldn’t make any snap judgments about Dane. I can help you work through your phobia, and you can figure things out with him slowly,” Danica said.
“I don’t know. I think it’s for the best if we’re not together. I’ve been ignoring his calls and texts, which, let me tell you, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m so used to hearing his voice almost every night that last night was torture. I wasn’t ever lonely before meeting him and now, after talking to him almost every night and then meeting him”—and touching him—“I’m so damn lonely. How can I be lonely after seeing him for only one weekend?” Lacy groaned. “I have to believe it’s for the best.” And I’ll just live with a broken heart forever.
DANE SAT ACROSS from Fred Wright, managing director of World Geographic, focusing on the ruse he’d initiated. Lacy could avoid his phone calls and his messages, but she couldn’t avoid a man who was standing before her. His feelings for her were too strong to let the last year and a half fall away like it meant nothing. In many ways, those long-distance conversations had been more intimate than the night they’d spent together in Wellfleet. They meant everything to him, and the changes he was seeing in himself were all because of Lacy. He’d be damned if he’d just let her walk away. He had to at least try to get her to recognize and accept the man he wanted to be, and part of who he wanted to be was the man to help her with her fear of sharks.
His stomach had been tied in knots since he’d settled on the idea. He was taking all sorts of risks. Lacy might go off on him the second she saw him, exposing his ruse and finalizing their breakup all in one fell swoop. Dane hung on to the tiny shred of hope that her job was too important to her to do that.
Lacy walked through Fred’s office door, wearing a white scoop-necked blouse and a pair of fitted black slacks and flashing a businesslike smile. Dane’s heart leaped into his throat. Her eyes swept the room, landing on Dane. It pained him to watch her professional greeting morph into a confused gape. Her finely manicured eyebrows drew together. Her eyes darted between the two men.