Scoring the Billionaire(49)

Fuck. I had to pull myself together.

I switched my focus to applying an unnecessary coat of lip gloss and  decided I really just needed to get this night over with so that I could  get my ass home. Ugly pajamas, a pint of ice cream, endless Netflix  episodes and my bed were much needed right now.

As I walked out of the bathroom and spotted Nick at a table for two, it  took a lot of effort to keep my feet moving toward him, rather than  turning on their heels and heading straight for the nearest exit door.

"Glad you could make, Win," he said with a soft smile, as the server pulled out my chair and helped me into my seat.

It was safe to say, I was in the very last place I wanted to be, sitting  down across from Nick Raines at Gramercy Tavern to "talk." Whatever  that meant. He was in town for a medical conference with NYU and decided  it was vital we have an important discussion.

That was exactly how he had put it: important discussion.

He tended to be fairly emotionless in general, when he wasn't on one of  his good-time highs, never really opening up and always guarding himself  from the outside world, for whatever reason that might be. It was  something I had most definitely learned to expect from him.

And honestly, I often wondered if the deep-rooted issues and  insecurities within himself were the sole reason he kept his distance  from his daughter.

But those weren't my demons to battle. They were his.

I had tried to battle them in the past, tried to get him to open his  eyes and realize what he was missing by being absent from Lex's life,  but it was impossible to convince someone of something when they weren't  ready.

They had to decide those things on their own, for themselves.

"You look beautiful, Win," he said as I adjusted my seat closer to the table.

"Thanks."

"Do you need a minute to look at the menu?"

I glanced up at him, surprised by his patience. Nick was not a very  patient man when it came to normal, everyday life. In his career, in  medicine, he was the most patient, talented neurosurgeon you'd ever  meet, but real life urged the complete opposite response from him.

He looked different. His face was softer. The usual three-week beard he  generally sported had been trimmed to a handsome two- to three-day  length. And his normal attire of stuffy suits and ties had been replaced  by a well-fitted sport coat and a white collared shirt that had the  first two buttons undone in a relaxed manner.         

     



 

His brown eyes appeared tender, and the serious lines around his eyes had seemed to vanish, nowhere in sight.

I looked down at my menu and then back up at him. "No, I'll probably just get their smoked tomato soup."

He grinned. "You've always loved that soup. But I have a feeling it has  more to do with the gourmet croutons than anything else."

God, he was being weird tonight. I honestly hadn't thought he'd known a  single restaurant menu item that I enjoyed, much less a simple yet  surprising insight like that.

I shrugged. "Well, I tend to be a pretty big fan of anything carb-related."

He laughed softly, and when the server stopped by our table, Nick  ordered for both of us, even adding a glass of my favorite Riesling to  the list.

Seriously, who was this man, and what had he done with Nick?

I was starting to have flashbacks of the Nick I'd first met, way back in  med school. The guy who loved to have a good time, the guy who wasn't  so focused and serious, the guy I had once enjoyed spending all of my  time with.

That Nick had fled the scene a very long time ago. I honestly hadn't  seen him since before I found out I was pregnant with Lex. Once he had  decided to make neurosurgery his priority, nothing else mattered.  Nothing else but Nick and his career.

A few moments of comfortable silence passed between us, and then he  cleared his throat, pulling my attention from the center of the dining  room back to our table.

"I'd like to discuss a few things, Winnie."

Well, that was a bit cryptic …

"Ooookay."

"I'm looking to move back to New York permanently. I'd like to be closer  to our daughter. I'm tired of missing out on so many things in her  life. I have a lot of regrets related to that. The way I've been as a  father."

"Absent father," I added without feeling the least bit bad about it. He needed to hear those words.

He nodded sullenly. "You're right. I deserved that. But I would like to  change that. I'd like to really get to know her, spend more time with  her. I'd like her to be comfortable with me. I want to be a part of her  life as much as I want her to be a part of mine."

I let his words sink in for a few moments, unsure of my exact emotions. I  was torn between feeling relieved and feeling very skeptical. I mean,  this was a man who had made a career out of avoiding his daughter. He  had often made promises he couldn't keep. He had disappointed Lexi time  and time again.

He had disappointed her so many times throughout her life that my little  girl had just given up hope of him being there for her. Sure, I had  never heard those words pass her little lips, but I knew my daughter. I  knew her facial expressions, and I knew her heart.

And I just couldn't bear to let him break it again.

"Can I be honest?" I asked once I finally got my thoughts in order.

"Of course."

"I can't really believe your words, Nick," I admitted. "I think the only  way I will eventually believe you really mean this is if you show me  over and over again that you are really going to be the father that Lexi  deserves."

"I understand. I really do. And I will prove it to you. I promise, I will prove it to you."

He'd used the word promise so many times in the past that it literally  meant nothing to me. Nick's promises were absolute shit. They were  hollowed-out words that were void of meaning or good intentions.

"Let's just give it time, Nick."

"Time?"

"Yes, time," I responded. "You need to give me time, and most  importantly, you need to give Lexi time. I don't want you to hurt her  again. She's been hurt too many times by you in the past. And I know it  is going to take her time to be comfortable with you, to want to spend  time with you."

"What about you?"

My brow furrowed. "What do you mean? What about me?"

"Will it take you time to give me another chance?"

I sat back in my chair, shocked by his question.

"I want another chance with you, Winnie. You are the love of my life,  and I hope one day you'll give me a second chance to prove that I really  do mean that."         

     



 

My jaw dropped to the floor. "The love of your life?" I nearly choked on the words as they slid across my tongue.

"Yes, the love of my life," he repeated, and honestly, I just wanted to smack him.

Hell, I guess I just wanted to smack every-fucking-body tonight.

I really needed to get my ass home before I ended up in a New York jail cell.

"You really have an odd way of showing that I am the love of your life,"  I stated, my voice growing more irritated. "You left me by myself to  care for a newborn baby, while I was still trying to get through my  residency. For the first few months of Lexi's life, you never answered  my calls. You didn't even see her for the first time until she was four  months old. I honestly have a hard time believing that I am the love of  your life."

"I was scared, Win. I was afraid and I was young and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing."

I shook my head. "No, you actually did know what you were doing. You  wanted to focus on your career, and you didn't want any distractions  that could possibly pull you away from that. You wanted your career more  than you wanted a family."

Completely unexpectedly, his face melted into a smile. I pushed away  from the table, apparently, even my posture had aggression, and slammed  my back in the chair. "What the fuck?"

He shook his head, smile still engaged, and smacked an enthusiastic hand on the table. "Well, look at you, Winnie Winslow."

"What?" I asked. "What the fuck is going on here?"

"Relax, Win," he urged. "I'm kidding."

Kidding? What was this? Some kind of sick joke?

"Kidding? God, you are some kind of asshole. She's your daughter."

He turned serious then, reaching for my hand as I pushed back from the  table to stand. "No, no. Jesus. I'm not kidding about Lexi. I'm moving  to New York. I just accepted Head of Neuro at St. Luke's, and I really  do want to get to know her. But at your pace-her pace. I know my track  record is shit, but I'm not that big of an asshole."

"Then what the fuck are you kidding about?" I nearly shouted.

He smiled again. "About us. Me and you, us. I know you'd have to have a  fucking tumor to consider trying anything with me more complicated than  an orgasm."

I rolled my eyes.

"Though, I'm guessing those are off the table too."

"Nick!"

He held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I'm just proud of you is all."