Grant smiled benevolently at the surrounding patrons that had fixed their attention on their table. “Don’t mind us. We’ve just had a threesome that went horribly wrong. One of us,” he whisper yelled, pointing at Devil, “got a severe case of performance anxiety. What are ya gonna do, though? The three of us have been together too long to just start over again with someone else. Our little Boy Toy, here,” he said, ruffling Nick’s hair, “he could get any man he wanted, but me and Dev…we’re just too old to begin again, you know?”
“GRANT!” Devil and Nick hissed in unison, both their gazes blazing furiously.
“What?” Grant questioned innocently. “Haven’t you guys heard? Polygamous relationships are all the rage these days. Haven’t you been watching those episodes of My Five Wives I’ve been linking to you lately? It’s one giant step forward for the polygamous kind.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Devil growled under his breath right before lunging across Nick’s body to nail his best friend of twenty years with a nasty right hook. With any luck, he’d knock the son of a gun out so that none of them would have to listen to him attempt to be funny.
Dodging Devil’s fist, Grant laughed as someone at the table across the restaurant began snapping photos. “Okay, gentleman, I believe we’re beginning to attract a crowd,” he groaned as Nick’s booted foot found his instep. “Son of a bitch, that HURT!” he shouted, lifting his own fist to nail Nick in his stomach. “Ow, shit!” he yelped, shaking out his hand as his curled fingers bounced off Nick’s abs. “Holy hell, how often do you work out, Santino? Devil, feel this kid’s abs, man! Dear Lord, I’ve never felt anything like this, Devil,” he breathed in awe.
“Are we sure that you’re not gay?” Devil asked Grant sharply, rolling his eyes as he straightened his sport coat with jerky movements.
“Now, fellas,” a sultry southern voice drawled, “Gay or not, I’m gonna need you boys to settle down,” their waitress instructed with a wink as she delivered another round of drinks. “Else, I’m gonna have to cut y’all off, and I enjoy the company way too much to have to do that.”
Barely looking at the scantily dressed woman to his left, Devil nodded. “We’re fine here, Delilah. Just a little familial misunderstanding.”
“Mmmhmmm,” Delilah the waitress hummed, her lips tilting up in a smile. “Just keep it down, boys. This is a nice, family-oriented bar.”
“Those words don’t even go together,” Nick noted with a confused look at Grant.
Grant shrugged while Devil simply inclined his head before the waitress turned to sidle away from their table. “Okay, if you’re done feeling Nick up, I think we need to refocus our attention,” Devil said, keeping his voice low as the other tables seemed to resume their own conversations.
“To what?” Grant asked blankly.
“To what?” Devil echoed in disbelief, “Are you kidding me right now? How about we concentrate on how the hell we relocate Armando from my guestroom back to his own bed in his own place. With Nick.” Turning his attention back to Nick, he asked, “How do you propose we go about straightening this mess out, kid?”
“I really wish you wouldn’t call me a kid. I’m only a decade younger than you two,” Nick complained, draining one glass of his Shiraz before reaching for the other that had just been delivered to their table. “It’s demeaning.”
“Okay, I thought ‘kid’ was nice, but I could go with asshole, too,” Devil returned reasonably. “Does asshole work for you, Nick?”
“Point made,” Nick muttered.
“Okay, here’s the bottom line, asshole. I would like to fuck my wife – long and hard - sometime in the next century…”
“Whoa!” Grant barked, quickly clapping his hands over his ears, “Uncool, bro! I cannot hear things like that about you and my baby sister. I’ve still got two kids to push through college and can’t afford the therapy those kind of blunt, in-your-face statements cost me, Dev. Not unless you’re footing the bill for Princeton and Yale.”
“Suck it up, jackass. You’re a freaking doctor. I think you can afford it. If you can’t, I suggest you play catcher for a few more infants,” Devil dismissed Grant easily before refocusing on Nick. “Now, like I said, I’d really like to be with my wife again and that’s not possible while the New Queen of Mean resides in the guest suite. Hell, Molly slept with him last night because she didn’t want him to wake up lonely. What kind of crazy ass shit is that?” He supposed this shouldn’t have angered him as much as it had since it wasn’t as though Molly would have willingly allowed him back into their bed, but it was the whole principal of the matter. If any man was gonna sleep with his wife, it ought to be him, right?