Scorch(7)

Lame.

She leveled A Look at me over the rim of her cup.

“Try.”

I thought back to what had happened—to him—and my body instantly reacted. Oh, God. Heat blazed through me, and I sucked in a sharp breath. I’d never felt so out of control. Sarah’s eyes were still on me, and I shifted in my chair, hoping that she didn’t notice when I had to adjust my sudden raging hard-on under the table. I’d probably thought more about sex in the last twenty-four hours than in all of my twenty-two years.

“There was a man there,” I finally said, my cheeks heating. I was suddenly sure that Sarah would be able to tell exactly what I was thinking about. I cleared my throat, hoping it would also clear away the visions that suddenly swamped me. “And, well, I…”

I’d only caught a glimpse of him, but I could still picture him clearly in my mind’s eye. He’d been gorgeous. Tall and blond, almost slavic looking. His eyes had been an icy blue, but somehow not cold. Hot, like that part of the flame at the bottom. He’d had huge hands, lightly dusted with golden hair on the backs, and his body was… so…

I didn’t realize my voice had trailed off until Sarah put her coffee cup down with a loud thump. I jerked my eyes off of the scratch on the tabletop that I’d been blindly staring at while I pictured him, and caught a wicked grin on her face.

“Dev-in,” she said in a teasing, sing-song voice. “Did you finally meet someone you liked?”

“‘Liked?’ Uh, Sarah, I’m talking about a complete stranger,” I mumbled, feeling my blush deepen.

My cock throbbed, silently insisting that I had, in fact, “liked” that stranger quite a bit. That, if I ever saw him again, I’d like him to do things to me that… made me really glad I was sitting down right now.

“Squee!” she squeed.

Did people actually say “squee?” Only Sarah.

“Tell me everything! Who was it? Dev! This could be your first boyfriend!”

“Sarah, you’re my wife. We’re married. Jesus. I can’t just… go… hook up with some guy because he… he—” Makes me almost come in my pants just by breathing the same air. “—catches my eye.”

“Oh, stop. Dev, you know I appreciate what you’re doing for Holly and me, but please don’t use it as an excuse not to have a life of your own.”

“Sarah, I can’t.”

If Sarah and her children were going to be covered by my health insurance, there shouldn’t be any hint that we weren’t a real family. I wasn’t going to put them at risk just because some guy turned me on, not when my best friend had no one else to turn to. And not when—no matter what the doctor said—she looked so worn out from this pregnancy.

Sarah insisted she was fine, just tired, but I could clearly remember my own mother’s difficult pregnancy. She had been tired, too, looking worn and exhausted—just like Sarah—all through the last months of her life. The doctors had insisted that she and the baby would both be fine, despite all the signs that should have given ample warning that that wasn’t the case. Signs they might have paid attention to, if she’d been able to pay for proper healthcare instead of queuing up at the free clinics that were constantly understaffed and overfilled. Or if it had been just a few months later, when I could have supported her the way I could now support Sarah.

I would never let my friend go through that.

I swallowed, pushing the memory away. Not letting myself miss my mother, or mourn again for the baby brother I’d never had the chance to know.

“I won’t mess this up, Sarah,” I said, gesturing between us. “I will take care of you and Holly and the baby. Even if it’s not ‘that’ kind of love, we are a family now. All three and a half of us.”

She smiled and squeezed my hand, her eyes growing suspiciously bright. “Thanks, honey. I know. And believe me, I’m grateful. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I just hate the thought of you giving up any sort of love life of your own when you don’t have to, just because you’ve saddled yourself with us.”

I mock-glared at her. We’d had this conversation before, but I was happy to go through it again.

“First, I did not ‘saddle’ myself with you. You and Luke have been my best friends for as long as I can remember. You were both always there for me, and now that he’s gone, I get to be here for you. And—” Just the thought of Sarah’s daughter brought a smile to my face. “—you know I love Holly, too.”

It didn’t matter what some stranger had made me feel. Still made me feel, every time I thought of him. I would never let Sarah down.