But Maks did hear. He was already halfway out the door, but he stopped and turned back, smiling. It was a dangerous, wicked smile that promised to give me all the things I was trying not to ask for.
“Then I can wait,” he promised, the words licking at me like flames.
And then he left.
* * *
I couldn’t sleep.
I’d been tossing and turning for hours, and with a frustrated sigh I flung the blankets off, too hot and bothered to be able to stand it. I couldn’t stop thinking about Maks. Not just thinking about him… wanting him. Fantasizing about him. Burning for him.
I didn’t usually do that.
Even though I’d been attracted to other men in the past, this was the first time I’d met someone who I quite literally couldn’t get out of my mind. I was practical. Responsible. Smart. I didn’t normally feel things—sexual things—this intensely. I didn’t want like this.
My hand drifted up to my face, covering my cheek where his hot hand had rested that afternoon. I could still feel the heat from the brief contact earlier, as if I’d been branded. A delicious shiver went through me at the thought. Maks made me want to surrender myself to him. To have him claim me in every possible way. To make me his.
Maybe it was weird for someone my age, but I’d never given that much thought to sex. It had always seemed like something I’d get around to, but I’d never really thought about what I’d want. About things I might like to do… or have done to me. I’d always taken my responsibilities in life seriously, but suddenly the thought of giving up responsibility, of giving up control and just letting someone else—him—have his way with me, was intoxicating.
If I closed my eyes, it was easy to let the pulsing heat that had filled me since I’d met him rise up and become my whole world, blotting out reality and making it feel like he was really here. Like we were connected.
I rarely touched myself, but now I felt almost possessed, imagining that my hand was his. Letting it drift down from my cheek and over my throat, imagining that it was both rough and gentle at the same time, big and hot and taking control of my body in a way that I’d never imagined I’d enjoy, but that now made me whimper with need.
I wanted Maks to own me, to stroke those strong hands over every part of me, lighting me on fire. I sucked in a sharp breath as my nails grazed my sensitive nipples. An electric jolt shot straight down to my cock, and even though I hadn’t touched myself there yet, my hips jerked off the bed.
I had never been with another man, so I shouldn’t be able to imagine what it would feel like quite so vividly. I didn’t want to have to imagine it, though. Even though I’d told him no, I desperately wanted to find a way to say yes. I wanted Maks here, covering me with that large, hard body... touching me everywhere… pressing me down into the mattress… taking charge of this raging lust that was pounding through me.
I wanted it to be his hand wrapped around my leaking cock, his thumb slicking over the sensitive head and then stroking me firmly, finding a rhythm that made me pant with need, that made me bite down on my knuckles to stifle the moan that forced its way out of my mouth.
I wanted Maks to be the one taking control, looking at me the way he had that afternoon.
Unbidden, I remembered his voice—I need you—and the memory made sounds tumble from my mouth that I didn’t recognize. Sounds I couldn’t hold back. Sounds of pure, raw need.
I needed him. I needed Maks to be the one driving me toward the explosive climax that was tightening, coiling, burning within me. My hand moved faster and faster. I was going to come, but I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted it to be with him. I wanted to feel him inside me, filling me, taking me hard and fast in a relentless rhythm that wouldn’t let up, wouldn’t let me deny him. I wanted him to fuck me like he owned me, dominating my body, my senses, my mind and heart and soul, until I could forget why I’d ever thought I should say no, until nothing existed except the man who I knew could burn away all my inhibitions and make me feel… oh… God… just…like…THIS.
I gasped Maks’s name as I came, shooting over my hand and coating my chest with the result of my fantasies… and it was good, but it wasn’t enough. Even as my body relaxed in the afterglow of my orgasm, an overwhelming wave of despair squeezed the breath from my lungs.
I’d made promises, and I wasn’t at all sure how long it would take me to keep them, or when I’d be free to say yes to the man who I suddenly needed like air.
Or—despite what he’d said about waiting—whether he’d really still want me once I could.