Scandal with a Sinful Scot(21)

“As I have in the past, you mean?” His brows furrowed. “I pushed you away because I was genuinely concerned for your safety. Hell, I still am. I would do anything to protect you.”

“To the detriment of our young hearts.” Abbie glared at him, her mouth twisted in disapproval. “I waited three long weeks for you to show up at my door; I told you more than once that I lived in Brighton. I sat on our porch for days, waiting like a fool. You never came.” Her lower lip trembled. “You didn’t love me enough to ride in and claim me. I cursed you, for how could you do such a thing to us? Deliver such a mortal blow to our love?”

Her voice trembled, and Garrett’s heart squeezed at hearing the raw emotion in her words. “Then to discover that I was with child…I felt all at sea. Completely lost and alone. You had truly abandoned me. I had no choice but to inform my parents of my condition. At that exact moment, mired in despair, it struck me. I left. I did not stay and fight for our love. The blame did not all lay at your feet. Then I thought perhaps it was never meant to be. Perhaps I did not love you as deeply as I believed.”

She exhaled shakily. “To lessen the aching pain, I convinced myself that what lay between us was nothing more than base lust. With the decision made, I went to my parents, then, shortly thereafter, agreed to the marriage and promptly put you out of my mind.” Abbie laid her head on his chest and he slipped his arms around her, bringing her in tight against him. “But not out of my heart. No matter how much I denied it to myself and to my husband, Elwyn knew the truth. Despite it all, I loved you still.”

Garrett smoothed her hair. “Loved? Past tense?”

“Do not ask me to try and sort through my emotions in that regard. Not tonight.”

“Fair enough. But hear this truth from me: I deeply regret that I did not come and claim you. It is a regret I will carry all the days of my life. Could you truly find it in your generous and brave heart to forgive me? Perhaps we can salvage something consequential from this youthful wreckage.”

She sighed. “Not if you insist on placing the curse between us as a shield. If you cannot commit to me or love me with your entire heart and soul, then I do not want you at all. I won’t settle for any less. Elwyn taught me that much.”

He remained silent, taking in all that she had revealed. Abbie, as always, spoke from her heart. She deserved the same from him.

“Truly, Garrett. I don’t deny your family, past and present, has suffered wrenching personal tragedies. But we cannot allow it to keep us apart any longer,” she continued. “Nothing has happened to Megan or me. Perhaps the curse is broken at long last. Perhaps…our love was true. Isn’t it the requirement for breaking the curse?” she murmured.

“Supposedly, true love breaks it, but there is no unequivocal proof one way or another.” Could she be correct? It would go against everything that he believed in. “I watched my stepmother die horribly. She literally rotted away from a childbed infection before our eyes. Three weeks later, my infant sister gasped her last. At ten years of age, I swore never to let anyone close. But you burrowed into my heart and soul regardless. You hold them both captive. Even after all these years.”

He continued to smooth her hair as he spoke. “My sister-in-law, Fiona, languished of a heart infection for months, turning into a ghostly figure I did not recognize. My mother, whose memory I tried desperately to cling to but it faded from my recall anyway. Cancer ate at her until I was no longer allowed into her room. My earliest memory I have is of them lowering a casket into a dark grave. I was four.

“Death and mourning were the sum of my childhood. Watching how broken Julian was, how hurt. Thankfully, the twins kept the worst of the sorrow at bay. They livened up the house and brought us all out of misery. But I vowed, then and there, that no one would own my heart or break it, because I would refuse to love any woman.” He laughed cynically. “It was all for naught.”

He clasped the sides of her head, forcing her to look at him. She met his gaze with unshed tears gathering on her long lashes. “From the moment I saw you on the trail all those years ago, I knew you would shatter my plans to stay detached and removed from emotion. From love. I foolishly thought that we could enjoy a brief assignation and go our separate ways. God, I am an idiot.” He kissed her forehead. “I denied what was happening. Refused to accept what my heart told me. I believed that the only solution was to be malicious enough that you would never wish to see me again. It worked better than I had hoped. And it shattered me.”

“I am truly sorry for your childhood losses. I understand better why you believe in the curse as deeply as you do, but to let it come between us.” She gazed up at him. “We did not speak like this in the past.”

Garrett smoothed her hair once again. It was as soft as spun midnight silk. “There was not much opportunity for speaking. We used our bodies to communicate more than anything.”

“May we talk? Here?” Her look was eager and hopeful and he didn’t have the heart to refuse her. “I wish us to become acquainted. The people we are now.”

He nodded, then stepped away from her and motioned to his sideboard. “Would you care for a drink? I have Mackinnon single malt, my mother’s family’s own scotch.”

“Yes.” Abbie curled up in one of the wingchairs before the hearth. Once he poured the drinks in crystal tumblers, he handed her one and sat opposite. “Tell me about your wild streak in your twenties.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How in hell did you hear about that?”

“Sir Walter was a hermit, but he did enjoy sharing gossip in his correspondence with Alberta. She told me the other day. I am curious.”

“And what of your past?”

“Let us speak of you for the remainder of the night.”

Garrett curled his lip and took a long draw on his scotch, clenching his teeth as the burn trailed down his throat. A brief dissolute episode in his life and she honed in on it. “I could blame Aidan, for even at sixteen he was rather naughty. He confided in me that he lost his virginity the year before at The Crimson Club. It is a place in London that the men in my family like to frequent on occasion. It is a tasteful and respected brothel.”

“Did you lose your virginity there as well? Is it a rite of passage for the men of your family?” she asked, her tone curious.

“Since you wish to discuss my secrets, here is one I have shared with no one: I lost my virginity…to you. There was no other young lady before you.” Garrett gave her a heated gaze. “Emotionally speaking, there has been no woman after you. The encounters meant nothing.”

“Oh, my,” she murmured. “I am rather shocked about your virginity. I assumed most sons of peers indulged as young as Aidan. Forgive me for feeling rather satisfied at the fact I was your first, and pleased that the only encounter that meant anything…was ours.” She sipped her scotch. “However, I was not your last. Hence the adventures with your nephew. Do tell.”

Did he hear a tinge of hurt at her statement that she was not his last? Perhaps he imagined it. “I was twenty-one and hadn’t been with another female since I stupidly pushed you away. Aidan proposed a short jaunt to London. It lasted close to two years.”

Abbie’s eyes widened. “Good heavens. What did you do in all that time?”

“When we were not staying at the London townhouse, we were at The Crimson Club. Or other houses of ill repute. Gambling, attending scandalous parties. As the months clicked by, the places grew increasingly seedier. Aidan strived for more stimuli, more thrills, and did not care where he obtained them.” Garrett threw back another swallow of scotch. “I should have seen the signs then and there. Regardless, I eventually grew bored with the meaningless, indiscriminant sex. Aidan did not.” He caught her gaze. “We agree to tell the absolute truth?”

She nodded.

“You haunted my nightly dreams from the day we parted. It became torturous. I thought that I could effectively erase you from my subconscious with other women. It was a complete and utter failure.” He exhaled. “I was determined to not think of you during the day, but you entered my dreams without fail, night after night. Taunting me.”

“I cannot find it in me to be smug at this information. It merely proves how mistaken we were to so cavalierly toss what we had aside. For you haunted my dreams as well.” She took another drink. “This is rather good.”

“Care for another?”

“If it keeps us talking civilly and truthfully, then yes.” She held the near-empty tumbler out and he strode to the sideboard and refilled the glasses. Blast it all, he had been in a state of arousal since before he opened the door to find her there. Talk? He could think of a more strenuous and sensual activity than conversing. But he innately understood that Abbie needed this. And truth be told, he did as well. For how could they move forward—if that is what they truly wanted—unless they discussed what had happened, and what was to come?

Garrett stood before her and held out the glass, and her gaze lingered on his low-riding breeches. His erection was plain to see. Pink color washed her cheeks as she clutched the glass and looked away to stare at the dancing flames in the fireplace.