Scandal:The Complete Series(67)

“It’s a nice clear day. We’ll make excellent targets,” I say, shading my eyes with my hand as I feel a headache settling in.

“Lucius worked out a temporary truce.”

“A truce? What does that mean? A stay of execution?”

“It means negotiations are taking place as we speak. There will be no threat of hostility for two days.”

I consider his words, feeling more and more like I have entered someone else’s dream. “Carter said that?” I can’t find the will to call him father. I don’t know if I ever will again.

Jax nods, almost sadly. It’s obvious he feels responsible and maybe he should.

“And you believe him?”

He sighs and then gets off the horse with one leap. “I believe he cares about you. He would not put you at risk on purpose.”

I can’t help but sigh. “Well, that’s something, I guess. Other kids had fathers who guided and cared for them every day to ensure their happiness as children. My father prefers me not be murdered on his account. Isn’t that just so warm and fuzzy?”

“Not even a little,” Jax says, bringing out his sexy voice. He knows exactly how to use his husky tone as a weapon. “You and I weren’t very lucky in the father department. Let’s not let that come between us. Let’s have a day free of all that shit. I don’t know if I deserve it, Ella, but I need to be near you.”

Jax takes one step closer and I can feel the fabric of our shirts touch barely. My skin feels electric with him so close, but not embracing me. I take a step back, raising my hand in front of his chest to stop him from taking me in his arms.

He’s not fazed. He extends an arm and wraps it around my shoulders. “Please, tell me you’ll forgive me one day.”

His sudden vulnerability makes me furious all over again. “Your timing sucks, Jax. If you had any real regret, you’d give me some time to process, for fuck’s sake.”

I slap away his arm, looking around the grounds for signs of human life, needing the distraction—any distraction, really—to stop thinking about how I truly long to be weak and let Jax devour me with his need. His strong arms could obliterate the emptiness and loneliness that makes me feel bruised in my heart and ribs. I almost shiver imagining his breath against my ear as he whispers naughty little things that would set my blood on fire, chasing away all the fears and demons.

What I am is pissed. It does not allow me to be weak right now. The swelling disappointment I feel in his serial dishonesty overrides every selfish ounce of my desire to let Jax off the hook so we can make love. The fact that I need him more than I’ll admit just makes me angrier and more stubborn.

“Please, forgive me, Ella,” he says with a quiet, deep whisper. His almost fragile eyes weaken me even more than his voice.

“Forgiveness must be earned,” I say, totally unconvinced that I can keep this brave façade up for much longer.

“I’ll do whatever,” he says, lowering his lips to my ear. “Whenever.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m really screwed now. Delicious lips on needy ears is a recipe for disaster. His hand finds its way to the back of my neck, pulling me closer as his lips move from my ear to my mouth.

I slap him hard across the face—I don’t know what else to do to get out from under his spell.

He rubs his cheek. “That hurt,” he says, showing no pain. “I guess I had that coming. Maybe that slap carried a little forgiveness in it.”

“Is this a joke to you?” I shove him, putting my hands on his chest.

“A joke? Damn it, Ella. I’m dying here. I can’t stand this distance you’re keeping between us. I need you, baby. Please, let me in. I want to protect you.”

“I thought we were safe for now. And you’re not getting in anything.”

“You know what I mean.” His voice gets breathy, the muscles on the sides of his neck visibly twitching as he swallows. “I love you. More than I can control. I’m lost without you. You’re all that matters.”

His lips dive for mine again, sealing them with their hot breath. I do the only thing I can. I slap him again—harder than before. Not because I don’t want him to kiss me but precisely because I do.

“All right, that’s it,” he says, picking me up.

“What the fuck?” I yell. “The fact you’re stronger than me doesn’t give you the right to manhandle me.”

“Stop being so melodramatic,” he says, setting my butt on the saddle.

That has a strange effect on me. I realize that I’m scared to be sitting on a living, breathing horse. My heart pounds almost as hard as when I was forcefully kidnapped and handcuffed and had no idea what was going to happen to me.