She stiffened. “So don’t. I don’t need you to baby me, or worry about my feelings. I’m a big girl, and I know who you are. Even more importantly, who I am. And I don’t need you, or any man, to be happy with myself. I don’t—”
“I’m not babying you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m lost.”
“Aren’t we all?” She continued stirring. Her long brown hair tickled his chin, and she still smelled like heaven, salvation, and temptation, all wrapped up into one irresistible package that was Lauren Brixton. “I can’t remember the last time I thought I actually knew what I was doing with my life.”
“But I can.” He spun her around gently, and she fought him at first. But she gave in and faced him. The feelings in her eyes—the uncertainty, the fear, the pain—sent a shaft of those very same emotions piercing through him. “I’m fucked up right now. Have been since I came home. I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad, I’ve been hopeful, and hell, I’ll admit it, I’ve been scared—but I’ve never been all of those things at once. Not until you kissed me.”
She bit her lower lip. “Why?”
“When you’re touching me, and I’m touching you, it just all…feels right.” He ran his thumbs over the soft skin of her shoulders again, unable to resist. “But I don’t want to break your heart, cupcake.”
She rested her palms on his chest, one right over his heart. It sped up traitorously, showing her exactly how much she affected him. “Who said I was offering it to you in the first place? And if I was, then, whatever. It’s my heart to guard, or not. That’s my decision to make. Not yours.”
“Shit.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I wasn’t implying you were going to fall in love with me. I—”
“And yet, you kind of are.” She frowned. “I don’t see you worrying about your heart, or your feelings.”
“I don’t have one. It’s why I can’t stop myself from taking you, even though you deserve better, and it’s why in the end, I might ruin what we have.” He gritted his teeth. “And that’s what pisses me off the most—my willingness to risk everything for another chance to be in your arms. But it won’t stop me. I’m a selfish prick like that.”
“Then I’ll make it easy on you.” She rested a hand on his palm, squeezing. “It’s done. From now on…we go back to being friends. And only friends.”
For a second, he felt relief. She’d given him an out, and he could—should—take it. Keep their friendship intact, and safe, and regain control. Be smart for once.
“No,” he said slowly. Clearly.
She blinked at him. “No?”
“You heard me, cupcake.”
“But you just said—”
“I know what I said, and it was the truth. It was. I wouldn’t lie to you, just like you wouldn’t lie to me.” He tipped her chin up, and she blinked up at him, her cheeks going rosy. “I might not have a clue what the hell I’m doing, or how this ends, but I’m gonna fight for this—whatever the hell it is, or whatever it could be—because with you, I’m me. The real me. But first, I’m going to become a man who is worthy of you, and then I’m never gonna let you go.”
And with that, he walked out into the sunlight. Right now…
He needed to fucking breathe.
Chapter Thirteen
After Steven’s surprising admission earlier that day, followed by his hurried exit from her bakery, Lauren didn’t know what to think anymore. He generally shied away from all intimacy and emotions of any sort—but he literally told her he was going to fight to keep her in his arms, no matter the ending to their story.
And that was terrifying.
There were a lot of other descriptions that suited the situation as well. Excitement, happiness, disbelief, uncertainty, and hope. But, yeah. Terrifying was the one emotion that stood out to her the most.
All these years, she kind of explained her inability to hold down a real relationship as Steven’s fault. She’d refused to even entertain the idea of being with a guy long-term. No other man lived up to him, and he didn’t want her, so it was okay that she didn’t fall in love, or even want to.
The one man she could maybe love didn’t love her back.
But if he was ready and willing to give them a try…and it failed? There was something wrong with her. If she couldn’t love Steven, then she couldn’t love anyone.
Lydia poked her in the ribs. “Helllllo. Where are you right now?”