Her jaw dropped. “What? No.”
No matter what had caused this kiss to occur, it hadn’t been her overwhelming desire for him. That was what pissed him off the most about this.
She wasn’t kissing him because she wanted to, or even because she wanted him. She was using him to forget something, and now their first kiss was wasted. There had been times where he pictured kissing her. Where he forgot why he never could, and got lost in the moment. Over the years, he imagined kissing her in tons of ways.
On the beach at sunset. In a fancy restaurant. At his place, after he cooked dinner for her and they shared the dessert she made for them. She’d have icing on her lip, and he’d lean in to wipe it off, smiling. Their eyes would meet, and suddenly…it would just happen. And it would have been everything he never knew he wanted.
But never once had he ever imagined their first kiss being like this.
A drunken ploy to forget another man.
It should have been tender. Loving. Kind. Passionate. “Tell me the truth. Do you miss him? Is it a way to forget what is so very obviously bothering you?”
She dropped her hand to her side, and her lower lip trembled. “No. No. I wasn’t using you to try to forget about him, or anything.”
“Then why?” he asked, trying to keep his tone non-accusatory, but failing miserably. “Why did you kiss me? Why now?”
Cheeks pinking, she advanced on him. “In that moment, it felt like I needed to, and have for a long time, you idiot. Do I need more of a reason than that?”
His heart raced faster than a speeding bullet. “Bullshit.”
“No. It’s. Not.” She shoved him, both hands on his chest, but he didn’t budge. She used about as much force as a mouse fighting off a cat would. “I needed to…to feel…and you always make me feel. You’re always there, and I…I…kissed you. I picked the right guy for once, and I’d do it all over again.”
He swallowed hard. He’d never denied her anything she asked him, but this was entering dangerous territory. This was bad. “You’re drunk. You have no idea what you’re saying right now.”
Shaking her head, she stepped back from him. He felt the distance all the way to his dark fucking soul. “Not drunk enough to forget what I want, or to mistake what I’m feeling here.” She pressed a hand to her stomach. “I want you, Steven. You.”
Shit, he’d love to believe she spoke from the heart, rather than the bottle. But he watched her pound back the booze, and her tolerance was nonexistent. She was drunk off her ass, and nothing she said could be held accountable right now. Not even if he longed to kiss her again. Now that he had a taste, he couldn’t think of anything else he would like more. “Lauren.”
Her brows drew in. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like you didn’t like it.” She threw a pointed glance southward. “You did.”
His dick hardened even more, all because she looked at him. Pull your shit together down there, man. “We shouldn’t have done that. We should forget—”
“No.” She fisted her hands, her chest rising and falling rapidly. “Don’t say it. If you do, I swear to God I’ll make you regret it.”
He steadied himself with one long breath. He was going to say it, no matter what she threatened. It needed to be said, for the sake of their friendship. It was like he stood on the edge of a cliff, and one small push from her would send him plummeting to his death…or his salvation. Damned if he could tell which one. “You should go to bed. We’ll pretend this never happened, and—”
Snarling, she threw herself at him, her mouth catching his for the second time that night. And this time…he didn’t push her away. There was no way in hell he could manage to reject her twice in one night. Not in this universe.
Hell, not even if he relived this moment every single day for a hundred years, with the express purpose of having a chance to choose differently. Even then, every single time, he would pull her closer.
He swept her into his arms and kissed her, letting all the frustration, confusion, and desire he felt wash out through that kiss. Sharing all the mixed up emotions he held close to his chest, and more. He backed her against the wall, his hands cradling her face as he ravaged her mouth, not letting his inner conscience have a say. Not right now. Maybe not ever.
She tasted and felt like salvation…
And damn it all to hell, he needed to be saved.
Moaning, she clung to him tightly, and opened her mouth under his. He didn’t hesitate to take advantage of that. Didn’t even pause to acknowledge what a horrible idea this was. He’d just give her what she needed…