“I guess. Enough about me. What about you? Seeing anyone special?”
Nate chuckles. “I’ve yet to find that girl who can put up with my need to always work. I struggle with guilt as well. When I’m at home, I think about the patients I could be helping.”
We talk a little more about what I’ve missed, which is nothing really. He tells me about some of the kids he’s been working with and how he lost one recently. It’s the truth when I make a comment that some girl is going to kick herself for not finding him sooner.
“Tell me about—” he starts to say, but his phone goes off. “Excuse me a minute.”
Nate stands and speaks quickly to the person on the other line. I think about how different this conversation could’ve gone if I hadn’t gotten pregnant. Would we be sitting and having a lunch date? Would we even still have been seeing each other? I want him to find someone and be happy, and I don’t think I was ever that girl for him. Nate is a lot like I am when it comes to keeping himself safe. He “dates” girls who aren’t serious and becomes more of a friend than a lover.
He’s nothing like Wyatt. No, that man forced himself into my heart. He made me see what life could be like if I love someone. How things seem better. Everything feels more real. Then he showed me how much it hurts when it’s taken away.
I won’t cry. I won’t cry.
He ends his call and walks back to me. “I hate to run, but I need to get back to the hospital.”
“Of course.” I smile.
“It was great seeing you.” He kisses my cheek and then adds, “Maybe we can do dinner?”
The last thing I ever want to do is lead him on. “Maybe.” I know he reads the wariness in my eyes.
“Not like that. But we were good friends once, Ang.”
And we were. It was the thing I loved about being around him. We could never be more, but he’s a good guy. “We’ll always be friends.” I promise. “You should get going.”
“If you need anything . . .”
“I know where to find you,” I finish automatically. It’s what he always says to me before he leaves, and even though I won’t call him, it’s still sweet.
Erin comes out and hooks her arm in mine. “Let’s go get some cupcakes and talk about what we want to do.”
I look at Nate’s back as he walks away. “Okay. Time to move in one direction.”
I need to let go of what could’ve been. Wyatt let me go, and now I need to do the same.
It’s time to move on. I don’t want to love someone who doesn’t want me.
“So you lost the baby and didn’t call me?” Mother sounds taken aback.
“Nope. I didn’t think you cared.”
I’ve had the day from hell. I figured I might as well add to it. Erin and I decided to pass on the location. They started trying to nickel and dime us. It wasn’t worth the additional cost to renovate with them already trying to squeeze what they could out of us. Then, I spilled coffee down the front of my white dress. I got my shoe stuck in a grate, and I busted out in random tears when “Rhinestone Cowboy” played on the radio.
“Angelina,” she chides. “Of course I care. It was my grandchild.”
“No, Mom. It wasn’t. You didn’t know or care. You say awful things to me and treat me like I’m the shit on your shoes, and I’m over it.” I’m on a roll, so I continue to spill whatever’s on my mind. “Look, I’m tired of being your whipping post. I’ve endured this from you my entire life. I thought if maybe I took it long enough, you’d stop dishing it out, but you haven’t. You don’t care about me. You don’t care about the baby I lost or the man who didn’t love me. You don’t care. So, I’m going to stop this.”
“Excuse me?” She gasps.
“I’m going to stop doing this to myself.”
I’ve learned that this isn’t the kind of relationship I want. She’s toxic, and I’m not going to be contaminated by her hate anymore. My life isn’t hers to ruin. I’ve done a bang-up job of that on my own.
“You really think this way about me?” Is she really acting perplexed right now? Unbelievable.
“Mom.” I’m not even going to do this. “If you truly don’t know the things you’ve done to me, Todd, Presley, and God only knows who else, then you have issues. You’ve been awful to me since you had cancer. I’m sorry you were sick. I’m truly sorry that life handed you that, but I have my own problems. I lost a little girl who I loved and never knew. I held her in my hands, loved her, cried over her, and buried her. Then, because of that horrific pain, I lost Wyatt too. But the kicker is, I never even thought to call you. What do you think that means?”