Say You Want Me(69)

I allow myself this comfort. I cling to him, to us, and to the ache that binds us together.

After we both collect ourselves, Wyatt calls for the nurse. She explains the process to me and lets me know what I can expect. There’s no way to truly prepare, I don’t think. How does a person ever ready themselves to say goodbye to their child?

No, I never held her and never heard her cry. I didn’t get to tie her shoes on her first day of school, but I loved her.

I named her in my heart.

I carried her in my belly.

And I gave her everything I could.

Now I have to say goodbye to her.





“WE’LL SEE YOU BACK AT the house?” Mrs. Hennington asks.

“I really just want to go to bed.” I sit on the grass, picking the blades around me and wishing I could float away in the wind.

It would be so easy to drift, letting the breeze take me where it wants to go. Instead, I’m sinking deeper into the ground.

Wyatt, his parents, Presley, Zach, and Trent all stand around, looking unsure of what to do. Today we buried our daughter. This was the last thing we needed to do. The hospital explained that in doing this, we’d start to heal.

They’re full of shit.

It’s been eleven days since the accident, and it’s not getting any easier to accept what’s going on.

I’ve sat and cried, waded through unbelievable anger, and I’m slipping into numbness. Wyatt tries. Lord knows he wants to fix this, but there’s nothing he can do.

We buried Faith Emma Hennington under a big oak tree on the Hennington farm. She overlooks a beautiful hill with a small pond. It’s peaceful here, and I find some tiny amount of solace that she’s surrounded by beauty.

“Okay, sugar. I’ll stop by tomorrow with some food.” She crouches next to me. “I love her, too.” My eyes snap up. “There is nothing in this world like a mother’s love. Not a single man can ever understand the depths of that. I know you’re in pain. I’ve never lost a child, but just imagining it—”

Macie Hennington is the most caring woman I’ve ever known. Everyone here today is feeling some level of sadness. They fought to get me out of that car, they cried when they found out we’d lost Faith, and they’ve been at the hospital day in and day out.

This little family is struggling right now.

“I never imagined it would hurt this much,” I admit.

She cups my chin. “The minute you accepted that you were going to carry that baby was the minute she owned your heart. You grieve, Angie. You feel what you need to feel, but let us be here.” Macie kisses my cheek and wipes her own tear.

Presley curls up next to me as the three brothers stand in a circle off to the side. After a while, I lie on her lap, and her fingers brush my hair back. We don’t have to say a word. That’s the beauty of true friendship. She continues to run her fingers through my hair, allowing me the quiet. Tears fall, simply because I don’t know how to stop them.

They explained my hormones would go through the same rapid changes they would if I had delivered at full-term. Apparently, a body doesn’t know the difference between bringing home a baby and having to bury one. I sway from one extreme to another, but mostly I stay in the bleakness.

“We’ve lost a lot the past few years,” she speaks softly.

“I’d like it to stop.”

“You don’t know your own strength until you’re forced to face it.”

I tilt my head to look at her. “I’m doing the best I can.”

Presley shakes her head quickly. “You’re doing great, babe. Listen, I don’t want you to freak out, so I’m telling you now.”

I roll on my back and wait for it. Presley’s lips turn down, and she sighs. “Zach and I decided to put the wedding off another two months.”

“No!” I wince. “Please not because of this.”

“It’s not. I promise,” she reassures. “We have a lot going on with the horse farm and with being sued by Felicia for wrongful termination. It’s better if Zach and I don’t actually marry before that’s cleared. So, after speaking to the lawyers, we decided to push it back two months.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Yes. We already live together, and he’s my husband in every way other than on paper.”

I close my eyes and smother the tears. It feels as if everything is falling apart. I really hope the accident isn’t the reason. I knew Felicia was going after Zach, but I figured she’d drop it after his team of lawyers threatened to countersue.

My mind drifts back to the hell we all endured when my brother killed himself. It was like that one single event tripped a wire, and we all got hit with shrapnel.