Say You Want Me(44)

She huffs. “I have a lunch date in a few minutes. I wanted to verify that my grandson wasn’t lying.”

“Nope.” I shake my head. She’s un-fucking-real. “He’s not lying.”

“Well, maybe when you finally stop being selfish, you’ll think of your family.”

Wow that hurt.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve done nothing but think of you guys. I think you forget a lot, Mother. Why is it so impossible to see that I’m not the woman you think? I own my own business, I bust my ass, I have great friends, and I’m doing pretty good on my own.”

Her laughter comes through the line. “Please, dear girl. You’re not married. You live in a tiny apartment all alone. You refuse to come to where your brother and parents are because you’re too proud or whatever you tell yourself. Every time I turn around I hear about some other silly thing you’ve done.”

“Wow,” I say on an exhale. “I never realized you thought so little of me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she says. “I never said that. I don’t, however, think you make the best decisions. You’re much like your other brother in that way. Not like Joshua.”

There you have it. I’m too much like Todd. I have a heart, and I’m not a calculating piece of shit. My brother has been married for fifteen years, has countless mistresses, and I’m pretty sure his wife is fucking the pool boy. Yeah, I should aspire for that life.

“Oh, well you’ll love this, I’m pregnant and living with the baby daddy. Thanks for calling, Mom. It’s always a pleasure hearing all the ways I continue to disappoint you. Don’t bother calling me anymore. Tell Daddy I love him.”

I hang up the phone and toss it across the table. She can kiss my ass. Everyone can. My anger rises, and I want to scream.

I look at the photo of Wyatt and his family on the table. They’re so happy and loving, then there’s my family. A sudden rush of emotion floods forward, and I burst into tears. I want that. I want to be loved by my mother unconditionally.

But I get her. I get the angry, bitter, and hateful woman who beats me down any chance she gets.

My feet are moving, and I’m out the door before I can process. I want to be around people who don’t suck the life from me. I really want to see Wyatt. He always makes me feel better, and right now, I need him.

As angry as I am, I’m more than that . . . I’m sad. It feels like each turn I make sends me heading the wrong way on a one-way street. I keep dodging cars and pedestrians, yet I’m going to crash. If I haven’t already. My heart is breaking because I’m alone. I know I have Wyatt right now, but that will change. I’ll go back to Philadelphia and be a single mom.

It’s the way it has to be. I can’t sell my company and come play house. I sure as hell refuse to move right now. I’m on my own. I have to be stronger than this. The truth is that I’m not sure that I can be tied down.

The walk there takes minutes since Wyatt showed me the wooded path between the two fields. I’ve taken it once before, but I navigate it fairly well this time, only tripping twice along the way.

I rush through the clearing and toward the barn. I can’t explain why I’m running, but I need to see him. I need his arms around me.

When I break through the field my breathing halts and all thoughts of going back to Philly fall away.

Wyatt stands by the fence, his back to me, with his shirt off. His cowboy hat sits on his head, but as he turns, I can see the corners of his mouth are lifted. I don’t see anything else but him. His jeans sit tight on his ass, and the sweat glistens across his back in the sunlight. I stand back, taking him all in, and realize I’m a fool. I could’ve had this man every night, but I’ve been living with my rules. Fuck the rules. He says he wants to wait until I’m sure. Well, I’m sure I want more than this. I know I do. I want to really give him everything and be together. I want Wyatt.

I start to head toward him, then he shifts over, shattering my new resolve.

Charlotte stands in front of him, her hand touching his chest, and I realize I wasn’t a fool.

I’ve been far from it.

He’s the playboy.

He’s the guy who sleeps around, and I’m the asshole he knocked up. I watch them touch each other casually, neither of them notice my presence. There’s no reason I should care, except that I requested that we spend these three months without him dating. I thought I was crystal clear at the festival. I thought I showed him that I’m going to really give him this time to see where we land.

This is one of those moments I know I’m crazy for standing here. I should leave, but I can’t turn my eyes away. I want to see what happens so that I can always remember. Protecting my heart will be easy after this.