Say You Want Me(28)

Sure he is too damn sweet, he doesn’t really cook much, and he seems to have issues with leaving the toilet seat up, but that’s about it. I genuinely like being around him, and I find ways throughout the day to see him.

We both seem to be lost in our own minds as we muddle around the house. I get changed, he puts some things away, and we both climb into bed.

“Wyatt?”

“Hmm?”

“If I wasn’t having the baby, would you still want me?”

His body goes still and then I feel him move quickly. The light turns on, and he stares at me. “Why would you ask me that?”

“There’s these things I wonder about,” I admit. “It’s why I keep holding myself back. One of them is how you feel about Presley, the baby, and then where I fit into all that.”

It’s an honest question, but I don’t know why I’m asking it. I just know if I don’t, it’s going to eat me alive. Wyatt and I have spent the last two weeks being open, getting to know each other, and talking about almost everything. My feelings are growing stronger with each day that passes, but the worry that my feelings are because of the baby won’t go away.

“I don’t know what I would feel. I liked you a long time ago, but we had our separate lives, Ang. I do know that we are having a baby, and I care about you. I don’t think there’s a real way to answer that.”

I know what he means, but if there were no baby, would we even be having this conversation? The answer is no. The baby is the reason I’m here. The baby is the reason all this is happening. Wyatt and I might have hooked up whenever I came for a visit. Maybe we would’ve spent a few hot and heavy nights together, but I would’ve gone back to Philly.

To my life.

He would’ve stayed here—where he belongs.

“Let me ask you a question,” Wyatt says. “Why did you agree to come here?”

“Because you asked.”

“No.” He sits up. “That’s bullshit.”

“No, it’s the answer.”

He releases a sarcastic laugh. “Why did you agree?”

“I told you!” Now, I’m getting frustrated.

“Was it because you wanted to see what this was? Was it because you wanted to know me better? Why, Angie? Why come here? Why would you give up three months of your life?”

The pit in my stomach grows. “Because!” I sit up, anger and confusion flowing through me. Why is he pushing me so hard?

Wyatt doesn’t stop. “What was your goal? Why would you change your entire world and come here? Just like you have fears, I got them too. I’m trying to get you to see that I’m not playin’ around. I’m giving you all I got, and you’re holding back.”

“I’m scared.”

“I am too, baby. I’m livin’ with knowing you’re packed up and gone with my kid in a few months. I’m going to make you see that what you’re willing to give up is more than what you got back home. I’m doing my damn best to ensure you see who I am. I don’t know if we’d be doing this if you weren’t pregnant. Hell, I know we wouldn’t.” He lets out a laugh devoid of all humor. “We’re both stubborn assholes, and we’d let that game play on for years. We don’t have years. We’re running on borrowed time.”

“Exactly! Without the baby, there would be no us! This is my whole damn point.”

It’s what keeps me holding back. Neither of us would move for the other. Not for the kind of feelings we had. Wyatt and I were dynamite in bed, but outside of that, we didn’t talk much.

“You still haven’t answered me. If you weren’t going to give this a real shot, why try?”

I don’t have an answer to give him, so I give him what I can and hope he understands the meaning behind the words. “You have no idea what it’s like to grow up thinking you’re worthless. It kept me from letting anyone in. It’s been easier to not get disappointed. I’ve kept my heart safe. So, when I push you, it’s because I’m scared. If I let you in fully, you won’t let me go!”

Wyatt lies back down, rolling onto his side, and I mimic the movement so I’m facing him. “You have every intention of going back, don’t you?”

“I did.”

“And now?”

Now, I’m losing more of my hold. I’m slipping each day.

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything other than we’re having this kid. We’re going to be parents, and I don’t know how I feel about us.”

He smiles. “Okay, I can handle that. I’m going to work harder.”