Karri drops her hands as she stares down at her worn pair of boots. "They're giving me two million dollars." She looks up, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. "I can start a new life with that."
"Looks like you're already starting a new life." I motion behind her. I can still hear the teenager she'd been counseling shoveling inside the stall. Though Karri's life might not be glamorous, I can see she is still capable of helping others. "Why don't you give this one a chance first? I bet Ty would love to visit you on the weekends. There's so much up here for kids to do."
Karri smiles and blinks back tears. "One of the teen's little sisters came for a visit yesterday. We took her on the pony, just around the pen. You should have seen how happy she was. That's all I want for Ty, you know." She sniffles loudly before averting her gaze. "For him to be happy."
I swallow the rising tide of emotion that clogs my throat. At that moment, I realize I can forgive Karri for everything she's done. She may have made a mess of her life, and she has hurt many people who loved her, but she's still got some good in her. Maybe if she cleans herself up, and stays off drugs for a while, the thoughtful Karri I once knew will resurface.
"My mom told me, 'No amount of money is more important than your child's happiness,'" I say, hoping Karri will listen to my advice this time.
"Maybe she's right." Karri nods, flashing a weak smile. "Thanks."
I try to return Karri's smile, but the wave of nausea that overcomes me, nearly sends me tumbling onto the floor. I turn to find someplace to vomit, but I only make it a few steps before this morning sickness spirals out of control. A cyclone of dizziness spins inside my head, and it feels as if my whole world tilts and falls over.
"Christina, are you okay?" Karri echos behind me.
"I need to go to the bathroom," I mumble, but my voice sounds hollow, distant, as if someone else is talking for me and I'm miles away. I clutch my stomach as a sharp stabbing pierces my insides. I fall to the floor with a thud and pain lances up my shoulder.
"Christina! Hold on!"
I'm barely aware of Karri screaming, and then the soothing sound of Violet's voice before I succumb to darkness.
Chapter Eighteen
Andrés
I check the calendar on my computer, though I'm not sure why I care what day it is. I rarely get a day off, anymore. Tomorrow will be the last day in January. We were supposed to get married this weekend. Christina hasn't mentioned setting a new wedding date, and now I wonder if she ever will. Despair hangs over her like a dark cloud. I swear It stifles me every time I walk through our apartment door. She says I've forgotten about her. She says I'm staying late at work because I don't want to be with her after we lost our child. No matter how many times I tell her Tio has added to my workload, she doesn't believe me. She just retreats into this dark place inside her soul, and each day I feel her slipping further and further away from me.
This new business she's working on with her mom isn't keeping her busy enough. I've offered Christina her old job back, but I get the feeling she'd rather sit home and drown in her depression. Most days I find her in her studio, painting stark landscapes and images I don't get, like a chair alone in a hallway, or a rainbow buried beneath thunderclouds. I keep telling her she needs to see a therapist, but she refuses. I guess I should be relieved she still talks to Grace and her mom. I just don't understand why she's shutting me out. What did I do? I have told her too many times to count that I don't blame her for losing the baby. The doctor says these things happen, that nobody was to blame.
Words that fall on deaf ears, because Christina definitely blames herself. I don't know how to convince her I love her beyond life. Add that to the fact that I'm still getting these damn dreams about every other night, and you could say my life sucks right now. The dreams are consistent. I'm back in the Humvee crying for help, but no one hears me. I lie there and cry and cry and nobody comes to my rescue. This time my Army buddies aren't with me. It's just me, broken, scared, and alone. Kind of like how I've been feeling since we lost the baby.
I sit at my desk, staring at the monitor, stressing over all the parts on back order, all the responsibilities I have to fulfill before I can leave, and it's already five-thirty. I know I won't get out of here for another few hours, which means Christina will think I'm avoiding her again.
I feel so helpless, and I just don't see a way out. I fire off an email to my subordinate, asking him one more time to try to find another supplier, so we can get those parts in on time. Then I see the message from my Uncle Arturo. It's been a while since I've heard from him. Most of my family, even Tia, has kept a respectful distance since Christina lost the baby. I don't know if I should read his message. I really don't have time right now, but curiosity wins out, and I open it.