"Of course." I know she's right, but after the way Karri betrayed me and her family, I don't know if I can forgive her. I certainly don't want to have a heart-to-heart with her.
Those dark clouds in my mom's eyes turn thunderous. "He should be given the chance to know his birth mother. It's something I tried to negotiate in the adoption contract, but Vivian and your father refused."
"Why am I not surprised?" I ask wryly. My poor mom must have been terrified, pregnant at seventeen with no one to take care of her. I'm sure it was easy for my dad and The Cobra to manipulate her into any contract they wanted.
Mom shoots me a pointed look. "And how does that make you feel?"
"Angry." My brain feels like it's filling up with steam as I clench my fork so tight, the plastic gives way beneath my grip and breaks with an audible snap.
"How do you think Ty will feel twenty years from now? I know you don't like Karri, but you need to talk to her."
She pries the fork from my hand, and something about the gentleness in her smile reminds me of the rainbow and songbirds that come out after a storm. I'm not sure how or where she perfected her calming aura, but I hope I'm half as effective when I'm a mother.
I nod, letting out a slow exhale. "I will."
In an instant, the clouds reappear in her eyes as she drops the fork and squeezes my hand tight. "I wish I'd kept you. I really do."
"Don't do this again, Mom. Please," I say in the sternest voice I can manage.
She presses her lips together before wiping her eyes with a napkin. "I want you to promise me something."
"What?"
"Love your child with all your heart," she says through a sob.
Dear God. She could have sliced my chest open with a meat cleaver and it would have had the same effect. If she only knew how much I've been resenting this baby these past few days. Despite the knot in my gut which spirals up my torso and snakes a noose around my throat, I barely manage to clear my throat. "I promise."
***
I drop my mom off at her car in the bridal store parking lot, and then I cry my eyes out during most of the hour long drive to Tio's ranch as I think about how selfish I've been about this baby, resenting it for all the problems Andrés and I have had lately. None of this is my baby's fault. None of it. I'm the one who was so wrapped up in my life, I forgot to take my birth control pills. If anyone is to blame, it would be me.
But whose fault it is doesn't even matter. Andrés and I are going to be parents soon. Life is about to change in a big way for me. Maybe I won't be able to work as many hours as I'd hoped, but what matters first and foremost is that my baby will grow up in a happy, loving home.
I make a solemn vow to do whatever it takes to make sure my child feels loved and secure, unlike the way I felt growing up. I sniffle loudly and wipe my eyes. I will love my baby. I will.
And I will love my husband, too. After this weekend, I will start a hunt for a new therapist. I know Andrés can't always get appointments with the VA, and he deserves the very best attention. And if the stress from our baby is causing Andrés to have these bad dreams, I will do whatever it takes to make Andrés's transition easier. But I will never, ever again blame or resent my innocent child because he or she came at the wrong time. Maybe the timing wasn't right, but this child was conceived out of love. And just as I love the father of my child, I will love my child, too. Forever.
I swear when I pull into the gravel driveway and spy Marie's little BMW parked beside Tia's SUV. I grip my steering wheel, trying to channel all my pent up frustration into that poor, defenseless shiny leather. I straighten my shoulders and clench my jaw as I steel my resolve. I need to talk to Tia, but I guess I've got a few choice words for Marie, too. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.
I'm not shocked to see Marie open the door, leaning against the doorframe with her attitude locked and loaded. "What do you want?" she asks me in that bitchy tone of hers.
I march past her and into the kitchen. Tia's already elbow deep in tamales, probably preparing for the Cruz New Year's party. When she looks up, there's no mistaking the shock in her eyes. I hear the door slam, followed by Marie barreling down the hall toward us. I decide to make my move before Marie comes in and infects us all with her bitch virus.
I walk around the granite countertop and don't give Tia the chance to push me away as I wrap her in a hug. Tia holds her hands up as if I'm pointing a gun at her, and that's when I see her her hands are coated in yellow powder. I pull back and dust flour off my pants. There's banging behind us, and I steal a glance over my shoulder to see Marie violently scrubbing a pot in the sink.