"Do you like your job, Andrés?"
I can feel the current of doubt resonate beneath the doctor's question. He knows I don't like my job. I know why he's asking. I know what he's doing. Little does he understand I can't quit. I'm stuck running Cruz Automotive Body and Repair shops. Chained to this future by a strong sense of family responsibility. I can't walk away from my duty. Besides, even if I was willing to shame my uncle, what about Christina and our baby? I have an obligation to take care of them, too.
"I like the pay," I tell him. I know I'm evading the question, but it's true. I do like the money. My wife and child will be provided for as long as I've got this job.
He eyes me with a knowing expression. "Besides the pay, do you like your job?"
I exhale a frustrated breath and shake my head. Though the truth hurts, I've got to admit it to someone. I think holding it all inside is what's causing a lot of my stress. "No. When I was in the army, those soldiers were my brothers. I could count on them to watch my back. Here, it's every man for himself."
The doctor eyes me thoughtfully. "Why do you think that is?"
"I don't know." I shrug. "It's just different. I'm not their brother, you know? I'm their boss. I don't even get to work on cars, I'm so busy doing paperwork."
"Do you miss dodging bullets and landmines?"
"No." I can't keep the edge of bitterness from my voice. Why the hell would he think I miss dodging landmines? "I miss doing something other than sitting on my ass looking at numbers."
Doctor Barnes sets down his notepad, steeples his fingers together in front of his drawn mouth and regards me for a long moment. "Have you told your uncle this?"
My heart stops at the thought. "I can't."
"Why?" I don't like the incredulous tone in his voice. As if he thinks it would be so easy for me to crush my uncle's dreams.
"I don't want him to think I'm ungrateful," I answer with a groan. "He's giving my family financial security. He's giving my child a future."
The doctor leans forward, eyeing me intently. "What about your future? Where do you see yourself in ten years?"
"Tired, stressed, stuck in a job I hate."
As Dr. Barnes assesses me, he doesn't have to say a word. I know what he's thinking. If that was my future outlook, I'd be having nightmares, too.
Chapter Nine
Christina
Andrés doesn't get home from work until seven, so we're running late to dinner. It's really hard not falling asleep during the ride to his aunt and uncle's house. By the time he helps me out of his truck, he almost has to drag me to the front door. I keep thinking of Andrés's comfy bed in his old room upstairs, and how nice it would be to lie down for a little nap, although I'm so exhausted and my neck is sore from sketching ideas for my dress all day, I probably wouldn't wake until morning. Luckily, I'm so hungry my stomach feels like it might implode on itself. I know I need to eat something before I even think about sleeping.
I only hope his aunt made tamales. I don't know why, but I'm also craving coleslaw and tiramisu. Hopefully, Tia has them. If not, maybe she's got brownies and ice cream. I could go for that, too.
I wrap my scarf around my neck and hug my coat to my chest as an arctic blast hits me, burning my eyes and cheeks. I close my mouth to keep my teeth from chattering. Andrés wraps a warm arm around my shoulders and we walk to the house. The two story ranch is aglow in lights. A giant wreath with the words "Feliz Navidad" scrolled across the top in festive red ribbon hangs on the front door.
My senses are accosted by all kinds of good smells when we walk through the door, and I groan as Andrés leads me toward the dining room. When we pass through the living room, I smile at the tree. Every single branch is weighed down by what looks like homemade ornaments and Christmas crafts. I remember being shocked after Tio put it up a few weeks ago. Tia told me it took her an entire day to decorate it mostly with Christmas crafts her boys made when they were little plus several hanging bulbs imprinted with school pictures of Andrés and his cousins. Tia's tree isn't designer by any means, but I think it's possibly the best kind, one decorated with love. Tejano holiday music filters in from overhead. I'm not sure what they're saying, but the festive beat lightens my mood, despite the fact that my insides are churning.
Andrés's family is sitting around a large dining table, most of them with cleaned plates. His Tio and Tia are there, along with his other aunt and uncle, Arturo and Inez, and his cousin Marie.
I was hoping Christmas Eve dinner was just going to be with his Tia and Tio. I really didn't want a large audience when we told them our news, especially not the baby part, but I guess I should consider myself lucky the rest of Andrés's extended family isn't here. I fight the urge to run when they all turn in their seats to look at us. Andrés must sense my nervousness, because his grip on my hand tightens. I look up and when he winks at me, and I flash a weary smile. I have to remind myself everything will be okay. I've got Andrés, my rock, my pillar. He's been there for me through some difficult times, and I know he'll get us through tonight.