Fiona hugged her arms around her waist. “I had nothing to do with that, Kieran. It was because you were getting your life together; you were doing good things for the community, were being the loving and sweet son they’d missed these last few years. I didn’t do that. You did.”
Kieran thought about what she said and wondered how true it was. He wondered what had really changed his family’s mind about him, if it had been him or if it had been Fiona. Or if it had been him with Fiona. He wasn’t sure he was capable of making them proud on his own anymore, not after all he’d done.
“I’m so sorry for all of this, Fi. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my past, and I’m sorry I got swept up in it again and was gone this last month. I’m sorry both you and Shea had to deal with all the fallout from it.”
Fiona nodded her head and stepped closer to him. “I know you are, Kieran. I’m not mad, I promise. But I think we should probably talk. There’s things I need to—”
“Let me tell you everything first, please,” he begged, not caring that he sounded desperate. He didn’t know what she wanted to talk about, but it was the kind of thing people say when they’re about to break up. He couldn’t let her walk away without having put it all out on the table. He needed her to know, and then whatever she decided, at least he would have given his all. She was his everything.
“All right, you go first.” She sighed, a frustrated look on her face.
“A little over two years ago, I was on a bad path. I was fighting at Legends, doing the rounds, and making a name for myself, but it wasn’t enough. It was so regulated and controlled, and I wasn’t. I ended up getting mixed up with an underground street-fighting ring. We fought out of abandoned warehouses, an old pool house, anywhere.”
She frowned. “I thought that stuff was just for gamblers.”
“Yeah, turns out it really was. I thought it was about the sport, about being a badass. Really, it was about gambling. I was so young and stupid. I didn’t know any better.”
“Then you got busted,” Fiona said, seeming already to know the answer.
“Yeah, I’d just had a knockout. Went way too hard, nearly killed the kid. Cops came in and arrested everyone there. My own damn brother, Jimmy, was there cuffing people. Rory was, too, and he’s the one who called the cops on us, although I’m not entirely sure he knew I was involved. It was humiliating. I got convicted of aggravated assault and spent two years upstate. I was on parole when we met, still am, but I wasn’t doing drugs. I’d taken the joint off of some kids at the center who I’d caught smoking it.”
“Nora told me that part.” Fiona shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me, or tell your parole officer, that it wasn’t yours? You just went silent; you didn’t even try to defend yourself.”
“I was going to be in trouble for having it on me either way. I never should have made the mistake of putting something like that in my pocket. I knew how strict the law is on parolees, and I knew I was violating it by doing that. That’s on me. No one else,” he told her, careful to avoid mentioning her sister.
“Kieran, I spoke to Shea, and she told me.”
His brows raised as he looked down at her. “She did?”
Tears glistened in her eyes as she nodded. “She did, and I don’t even know how to thank you for doing what you did. Nora tried to smooth it over with your parole officer, but he said the same thing that you just said, that it didn’t matter where it came from. He said he felt sympathetic, but that he had to follow the law. I’m so sorry you were ever put in that situation in the first place. Shea is so sorry, and I…I’m just so sorry, Kieran.”
“Fi,” he said softly, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. This was just a series of awful misunderstandings and mistakes. You’re so perfect, Fi, and I love that about you. I love how you make me want to be a better person, just by watching how wonderful you are.”
Her tears fell quicker and she shook his head. “Please stop saying that. I’m not perfect, Kieran. I can’t do this. I wanted to talk to you, because I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” Kieran gulped nervously, not sure why she seemed to be getting more worked up when he’d thought their conversation was going well. “It seemed like you were forgiving me? Is there anything I can do to make you understand how sorry I am?”
“It’s not about any of that, Kieran. I do forgive you, and I’m not angry. But that doesn’t mean we belong together.” She avoided looking at him directly, pulling out of his arms instead and burying her face in her hands. He immediately missed her. “All of this has only reminded me of all the reasons why we won’t work. I care about you, and I’m not mad at you, but that’s exactly why I can’t keep doing this to you.”